Ten Days - Part Nine - Words of Prophecy for me

So these are the words I received at TGI as best as I remembered, which is point form.

Lover of Music
Worshiper Heart

I will play multiple instruments.

Death, death to self. Death, but there's more life.

Picture of me on a stage in front of a microphone on a stand with my guitar and no crowd. - Audience of one.

Creative.
Explorer - off the map.
A picture of a ship embarking. When you're going to explore, you're going to be gone a long time. You don't know when you'll be back.
A picture of the ship out at sea, it's sails full with wind. In this time exploring, the Holy Spirit will be the driving force.
Like all the great musicians, my music will be distinctly me, NOLAN.
The music I make will have effects in the spiritual.
God will give me new songs, he will put them in my heart.

Writing, not just song writing, but writing, is key to establishing things I learn into actually becoming part of me.

Acceleration of my abilities.
Music will bring my worship to a new level.
I am a point man, a forerunner. - Joshua & Caleb
Step up!
I am a warrior.
Cataloging, like I-Tunes - genre/artist/year/etc... - possibly connected to my writing. Cataloging it so that I and others can learn from it, search through it, connect things.


So what do you think of that? First of all, I welcome your prayers & insights into and questions about any of these. Second of all, I ask you to keep on me about these. What am I doing with them? Don't let me contradict them. If I'm whining, say hey Nolan, warriors don't whine. If I'm ignoring music, ask me what the deal is.

Ten Days - Part Eight - The Aforementioned Problem Entering Worship

Good morning Jesus, it truly is; in every sense. I love you. Yesterday in one of the sessions Graham talked about you showing us where we would be blessed next by where the enemy attacks us. In the evening session, I thought I was ready, set, go for worship. But then it started and it was a disappointment to my expectations. And I let it destroy me somehow - those unfamiliar songs, all so slow. And I knew. I knew I had to get past it and worship anyway. SO I raised my hands a while, thinking, "hands up," and, "surrender." Still my heart turned fouler. It began to curse even as I tried to bless. So I tried to sing but even there my heart didn't follow and there was no joyful noise.

Thankfully the man next to me whose baby had been the only thing seemingly wondrous enough to move me in the last 15 minutes came alongside and asked if he could pray for me. In quick acknowledgment I answered "that would be good," in an ugly but accepting tone. So he prayed and prayed and then he asked if it was hard engaging in worship.
Yes.
What do you feel?
Nothing.
You need to get past that somehow. I was having a hard time too but there's something there in the spirit and you have to worship even if you feel nothing.

Glad that God had shared my plight with him, but still in the same predicament, I wondered how I should try again.
Then he came over again and asked if I remembered the morning session? How important it is to be thankful. Start with that even if you have to repeat the same thing.

So I did of course! The light had come back. Of course I knew that to be true. Within minutes I was crying and in the peace, and love. Oh thank you God for helping me in that moment when I was weak.

Psalms 95 & 100.

Let us come before him with thanksgiving

Enter his gates with thanksgiving.

Ten Days - Part Seven - Food Gets Eaten Everyday

So much more has happened. I have to write about it all. Thursday night was about God's Romance. Something he's been showing me since December at least. In the time of response, some how I knew I had to go to the tend of meeting and lie there awhile with Jesus. So I did and missed the rest of the session. Jason had a wonderful experience with you. You finally revealed in his heart how much you love him - something he'd always knowing in his head. The in the mingling afterwards David introduced himself and we got talking and he offered us his friend's apartment suite to stay. Hooray. And so we met his friends Tyler and Matt. We picked up some groceries at an econo grocery store called Wilco and made nachos. Luckily David spotted us some cash since they didn't take credit and my debit wouldn't go.

We prayed for Tyler's eyes, which were agitated. No I didn't spit in them.

Friday's morning sessions were very long. I took notes for the first and was told not to for the second. We went out to Napoli for some Mediterranean pizza at lunch. Fun people. I asked the waitress for another table's left behind pasta dish. Yes she did - very flustered. Good pizza. Good talk. Met Matt's girlfriend Lisa, a single mom of two. Good to pray for her in the worship when we returned. I danced.

I slept through nearly all of the creative quiet devotional time even with 8 hours sleep the night before. Then it was dinner break. Instead, gladly we went back out to the beautiful countryside to check out a house Matt wants David to buy. 22 acres and a stunning 5 BR house with 2 BR guest house. I didn't hear anything as far as guidance.
Ah yes and the thoughts from the morning session. What to do with old words of prophecy... school?

Back for the evening session which you can read more about over there with the session notes. Graham read a prophecy. A very long prophecy. I need to listen to it over and over in the coming months and stop when the Holy Spirit speaks, and then meditate on what he spoke. Sounds good. Then we went to TGI Friday for a late meal. Hanzel, the sword flashing dancer I thought was cool came out too and brought 5 friends. Tyler was fighting with God. The menu was expensive. I was tired. We had a little fun anyways. Shooting straw covers. Dumping water on me, hiding the ice. Eating salad with my hands (service was slow and I didn't get utensils till much later). Some good convo.

Ask and you will receive, fries, and prophecy.

We went to the party room and I got the hot seat first. Incredible stuff, and I said yes & amen in Christ. Thank you so much God. Such good people to. Bless them. It went straight onto David next without pause and then Jason and finally Tyler. It was beautiful and I can't tell you how astonishingly attractive you were last night. How appropriate, the restaurant we were in. We came home and journaled it all down helping each other out remembering words. And now it's 9:08 and still sunny shorts/sandals wear.

Psalmy

I want to follow up my last post and make it psalmy because that's the way it should be.

Andrea asked if we could do evening prayers so I had a shower while she was doing dishes and went out to the living room. I was ready to simply pray, "God I'm a zombie, you should give me a hug." But he already knew and while Andrea was reading the daily scripture's Psalm he did. We continued praying and RJ came up after finishing his movie. Prior to watching his movie he had mentioned he wanted to watch a movie and pray after (which is a fun activity we've done before). However he knew I was drastically depleted and said I could go to bed, except I never made it there. Anyway, feeling zombieish myself, I set about praying even though I didn't watch Shaun of the Dead again. RJ fell into unstoppable giggles and had to leave, much to Andrea's disappointment - well not him leaving - more his untimely insensitivity to her mood. It was all my fault and yet somehow it seemed all so appropriate because I am often in the mood for 'irreverent' prayer while everyone else is somber. That way I got to go to bed right away too so it all worked out, I think.

Anyway, I woke up early to have morning prayer with Pam and these too were life-giving. Then I made myself an incredible egg skillet, and sat and watched the sun rise with God. I went to work and did OK. I remember thinking, God thanks for making sure I'm alive right now because I don't think I would be otherwise.
Then I stayed up until 4 AM but that's not the point. The point is that God is good, and faithful and kind, and that prayer is incredibly helpful. Back on the 4 AM thing. It was very interesting to note that after two weeks of continued sleep deprivation, my brain didn't work anymore. I had sat down to write out my thoughts Thursday night and couldn't. Yet Friday night (Saturday morning) my mind was still sharp with truth. Truth kept shooting through connecting to conversation and even if I couldn't explain past things God had shown me, I could still pray. I probably can't explain this properly either, but my spirit is still in communion with the Holy Spirit, vibrantly, even when everything else has run out. So as proverbs says, don't depend on your own strength, but lean on, trust in, and depend on God. It's good for me to run out of strength and see this. Now I get to remember it even when I am strong (because I'm going to get more sleep, just you wait).
And let me leave you with this reminder: Your battle is not with flesh and blood, not even your own, but with the spiritual powers of darkness.
And friends are always good to ask for help.

I Can't See Straight

So I never finished posting my string of california posts. Mostly because they're not terribly exciting without pictures and they're on RJ's computer while they need to be on mine, and I haven't had any time. Time time time. I feel like I'm in a bit of a whirlwind right now. So many things fighting for my focus, which as you should've learned by now, doesn't exist.

Physio exercizes and appointments for my knee - It's getting better!

UM stuff - the ever-changing drama continues to unfold, and it's still hard.

Romance - As if this is third on my priorities or focus, but I thought I'd try and fool you anyway.

The list goes on music, friends, family, God, cooking/cleaning/laundry, working, thinking, dreaming, forgetting. I'm wearing out though. Beware. I'm tired and my brain is melting. Not just the usual post's sort where I'm writing, while tired at the end of the day. The continuous zombie-state is approaching.

Ten Days - Part Six - Rain & Sunshine

Jason would get sick as I drove at least 30 miles of endless hairpin curves. That kind of driving demands all of your attention and is very draining together with the rain. After we got to the coast I continued for a few hours of more intense driving. I had Jason take over beside someone's Taj Mahal house after our morning prayer. I was in a very dour disposition I'm sorry to say. I kept giving Jason driving tips, which I tried to do in a civil manner instead of just giving him looks when we skidded out or went off the pavement. He had lots of time to practice and improved leaps and bounds. The turns never ended though and by the end we were imagining how glorious the interstate route going home would be. We stopped for an Indian lunch of Seekh (lamb) kebabs with nann, rice, a lentil curry and a vegetable curry soup. Yay! I got to eat one of the sheep I enjoyed dotting the hill sides. The countryside became so unusual. African looking trees with Scottish looking hills. I drove into San Fran for rush hour with the doubtful plan of finding a visitor info centre still open, finding an internet cafe to check for billet request responses, and getting a calling card to check in at home and inquire about James. None of it, but we did help two ladies at a gas station. A big what if ending with the second but what can you do after the fact?
Annoying downtown lostness and a sample of the freeway traffic jam had us parking and walking around to kill time and clear heads. It didn't really work. Traffic was still ugly and we were still unorganized and cranky. We got to Vacaville by 9, found a 7-11, got a calling card, and an uncooperative pay phone incurred my anger. Drove around in mostly fruitless attempts to find the Walmart. Wasted time in the store because we were grumpy, but I did talk to RJ. Located a campground, went around in circles finding a restaurant. It was a classy retro-diner Jamie would've been more proud of. The chicken burger-Mexican style- and the chocolate milkshake were good. We got to the campground by 12ish and it wouldn't allow entry after 5:30 PM. So we parked at a gas station and slept in the car, showerless again.

I awoke early enough to watch the sun rise and life feel better.

We set off for AAA and praised God for the sunshine. Now I have to go finish this day before telling you about it.
Or not. Well I've registered, and bought pretty much every Graham Cooke resource available. Now I've got some time again.
So the AAA loaded us up with maps galore and let me call to confirm where the conference was and upon receiving no word about James we were able to keep our intention of not setting foot in San Fran again. Instead we went to Safeway to get yogurt and calcium antacids for Jason, and bread and wine for communion later. Then we walked over to Bath & Bodyworks for Christmas celebrations in shorts and sandals. Yes fun was had by all.
We went and got bulk bags of outcast jelly bellies resisting the urge to buy 5 lbs of candy for $10. No wait, 10 lbs for $5. We returned to Safeway to grab eggs for lunch and went to Best Buy. I found 3 CDs for smashing prices not even available in Canada and I was very happy. Then we headed for the local park where we boiled the eggs for our lovely picnic lunch. We had our daily scripture reading and shared a delightful communion with an olive loaf and Sutter Home cabarnet sauvigon. Then I read poetry while we breathed in the flowers. Hey wait a minute, there's no flowers here...
Now we have 40 minutes before the conference starts.
Oh Holy Spirit, the trips feels so long already. May this piece not be diminished. May our hearts jump at your voice. May we dance and sing without thought of dignity or distraction. We will trust you. We will love you. We will fight fears. Open our minds and spirits to receive and possess truth.

Ten Days - Part Five - Ents & Sleeping To Waves Crashing

Ewoks, yes yes the Ewoks. We hiked through the magical Redwood Forest of Endor after a breath-taking safari-like car ride. We stopped for a mini-warm up hike and then moved onto the intermediate. Such fond times. Singing improvised songs and rapping based on nonsense hip-swaying (you'd have to be there). Many times we'd take off running through the trails which was grandish. We had our morning prayer beside a waterfall. Swapped stories of the recencies of life, and God.

[yes this is rather a short way to describe most of a day, but hey, that's where pictures come in real handy - and I need to figure out a way to get free album-like online publishing for the trip]

So after the Coastal Trails at Enderts Beach, we drove on right through a tree (after some bonus sight-seeing - yes more twisty driving - yes it is my fault we had to drive through the tree in the dark because I didn't read the sign very carefully). Then we traveled the original highway, which was a potted dirt road, until we came to the top of [a] High Bluff. We stared out at the ocean and prayed and sang with the slightest remaining hints of twilight. We were tired, it was dark, the road was rough. So we camped in a turnout and went to bed with only a little poppy-cock for dinner. Even though we went to bed obscenely early at 8:30 (which meant we were very silly for a while), we were groggy after nine hours of sleep.
But it was rainy and we needed to get going so we 'hurriedly' took down the tent and left at the crack of dawn, or slightly earlier.

We drove until Eureka before having breakfast at 8 at Adel's, a quaint diner Jamie would've enjoyed. I had a Belgian waffle and silliness ensued over some pink table decorations. Were they edible?
Again we took scenic detours to satisfy our Redwood addictions. I was sad not to have any battery power for RJ's camera because the country side continued to change but remain magnificent. Then we chose the coastal detour highway that decided our fate. Instead of reaching San Fran at 1:30, it would be 5.

[post break]

Ten Days - Part Four - Run The Rainforest & Revelation

I'll write about Ewoks later - right now I'm going to talk about Coastal Trail. It's like Heart Mountain only a rain forest. Huge encouraging spiritual discussion for 5 or 6 miles or so. Then we ran back - breathing Jesus. And I served Jason. I fell behind and prayed and prayed. I praised and interceded. And God showed me:
Jason John Harder submitted his body to his spirit. Blessed are the feet of the one who brings good news. John the Baptist preached the good news. He is anointed. He is a king in God's kingdom.
And God showed me something too. Nolan Barry Archer. I have a heart after my father.
Now he has your eyes.
Something you wanted.
Your ever wayward eyes.
Wayward to heaven! To Jesus. And I cried while running, and smiled and kept breathing and praying. And when we stopped I got on my knees and blessed Jason's feet with God's anointing. Glory to God in the highest. Peace to all man! Jesus be praised! Hallelujah! Thanks.

[Again, I suppose I haven't adequately related this event, but it seems strange to try and record something that was so deep in my spirit, so beyond words. I will credit Andrew Schwab of Project 86 whose lyrics were used by God (again). I will also acknowledge Shavinesh who shared with me one of the things God's had him working on for years and years. Meditating by repeating Je-sus through breathing. In-out. Je-sus. Until you see him seated on his throne on Zion. I will also recommend The Way of a Pilgrim, the Russian classic, again. It was these two sources that inspired a great portion of the initial discussion - praying without ceasing, and later fueled the run back. I must say that I love running as prayer. My breathing always becomes a rhythm anyway, so it's easy to turn it to meditation and prayer. I did this often when I lived with RJ in Whitehorn and jogged nearly every day. It was also very cool to find that I could split my mind between breathing Je-sus and praying, or singing worship songs, or interceding for family and friends back home.]

Ten Days - Part Three - Two Strangers

We woke up to the end of shoes and shirts, in Oregon anyway. Some exercize, porridge and off to the beach for morning prayer. Then on the coastal 101 we went. We stopped for excursional jaunts down to find dead sea lions and climb big rocks. We had a faith stretching journey to make it to a gas station on empty after Jason wouldn't pull in for 2.63/gallon - "It will be cheaper later"... Again I toke comfort in Andy's song because we were empty and needed filling up. Then we picked up a hitchhiker, John. We took him to Crescent City but he declined our offer to eat at a Mexican restaurant and instead went and found a new friend - Garry. The food was good, the conversation behind me, "deep", and Jason made me glad by swapping free chip baskets with the people who left beside us. Yes we did squeeze everyone and their stuff into my car and went back to the campground in the Redwoods.
That night was interesting to the least. On the way to the campground Garry told us how someone came up to him on the street and said, "Do you wanna hear something corny? Jesus loves you." and gave him $5 and it made him so happy.
At the campground we sat around talking while they smoked pot, and when I came back from brushing my teeth Jason had brought the conversation to beliefs. John had a lot to say, and I kept listening. To him, and for God. Earlier, we'd told him we were going to a conference.
What kind?
A prophetic church kind.
Prophetic?
Hearing God's voice.

At long last I did hear. I received a story for him. Moses and the Egyptians' staffs turning to snakes. I'd already stated my heart for Jesus' being the only way which had launched Jason into a very long disjointed biblical/historical explanation of why Jesus was key that I don't think got through but ended up getting Garry asking questions. I LOVED when Jason ended in prayer. The whole thing was messy and satisfyingly led by the Holy Spirit. I fell asleep in the tent still praying. John even woke us up to say good bye - he caught a ride with the guy beside us. He assured us he hadn't stolen anything (I hadn't been worried, but I had prayed about it :).

[I didn't do a good job of writing about this on the trip, but basically, I feel there was a breakthrough for John. He has a Christian family who prays for him and I prayed a lot for them. He uses drugs contemplatively, and it was hallucinogens that first got him started thinking so much about beliefs - he had a lot to say because he thinks about it all the time now. I prayed that God would reveal himself in those times. And even though he wrote off both things I felt God tell me to say, I think it got to him. He believes in, and has seen the supernatural, but is very universal about it. I got to talk about Jesus after he made a comment about how it frustrates him that so many Christians think that there can only be one way. It went really good, but he wasn't ready to accept the truth. Still, in the morning, there was something about how he said goodbye, that made me think God was niggling at him. It was great to keep praying for them throughout the trip.]

We made breakfast for Garry, and it was grandish and now we're off to find Ewoks.

Ten Days - Part Two - Snow-Stolen-Summit & Down Down Down Into The Heart Of The Earth, or maybe just the ocean.

So anyway we drove down to exit 21, got some groceries - Health Chips, Sobeys, Carrots, Fruit, Yogurt (we were not nutritious! Not even close. Turkey Pepperoni, granola bars and some particularly awesome cookies were eaten in copious amounts). Then we had a windy (as in curvy) drive through the park to Cougar where we had to sign in for our {mis}adventures. We said we'd be back by 7 (it got dark 6-6:30) and it was already 3:30. The ideal parking lot was private so I opted for the extra hike route. I followed the directions from the map for a very windy long, scenic drive until we decided we were crazy (I was crazy) and turned back for risking a ticket. We found a snow park with x-country ski trails and snowmobiling... 5 minutes turned from snowless to more snow than Calgary's had all year put together. Lucky for us we're stubborn, the pastor had told us about Ape Caves, and I had an intense feeling that God was waiting for us up there. Back when I had that moment, I realized that instead of taking Exit 69 (our plan) we took Exit 21, the last exit. The first shall be last and the last shall be first. A funny way for one part of Andy's song to find fulfillment.
We hiked through probably a 6 ft bed of snow for 30 minutes to go Lava Tube Speleunking. Speleunking was SWEET! I had Jason's flashlight and he had his headlamp. A mixture of bouldering, hiking and eventually... climbing. We found a vent to the surface. It was a wet, mossy wall, but why not free climb it? [I hadn't seen the 3 rules I was emailed to follow - Don't die & Don't whine]
At one point I had to use Jason's shoulder to reach the top but he was stubborn and got up bracing his face against the wall (insanity!). Part of me thought Jason! How are we going to get down now?!?!? (we were NOT hiking back miles through untouched 6 ft of snow) but most of me thought, yeah I would have done that too. Now I had to do some highly intense free-climbing down, and the daylight was now gone and not helping. But Jesus got me through and I helped Jason down. No one died. Then we kept going to the real exit (with complimentary mounted stairs) and got good and wet traipsing around in the snow topside. Back down for a long hike back. Oh yeah and I scared Jason by going ahead, hiding, and turning off my light, waiting for him and screaming on the way up! I kept ending up ahead of Jason so I'd stop and stand like a statue with my light off in absolute darkness and pray. Mmm prayer. Like the morning prayer we'd had earlier in the car. So I was a bit impatient getting back. Because were late and I was concerned for the Search & Rescue people and it's mildly depressing speleunking that long. Stopping and praying was a good counter. The Search & Rescue guy was awesome! Praise God! He was just impressed that we'd gone all the way to the end and back that quickly (no he didn't know about our little side venture either), and couldn't believe I was only wearing runners. He wasn't worried at all, didn't give us a ticket, and didn't even sick his german shepherd on us for fun.
More fun driving for me (RJ would have hated me) - in the dark and then I swapped with Jason at the interstate. I swapped back later, in time to get to do the almost psychedelic downhill twisty fast forested dark run to our campground at the coast at 12:30 AM. We set up the tent and had a long shower and went to bed with thank you prayers. We'd had evening prayers the night before (in the mystical foggy drive) where I asked Jason what was on his heart and we prayed for the addicted in Calgary.

[post break]

Ten Days - Part One - Fog-Filled Magic & Church

We begun late. I'd been up until 5:15 AM the night before working on my taxes - which I didn't finish. I awoke late - 8:30 AM - and ate cereal with Connor & Andy. Andy had a song for me and had already been praying for me. I loaded up the car and went to pick up Jason [note, I was informed that I left a trail of pistachio shells from my backpack through the house - like hansel and gretle, to find their way home - also note, those were leftover stache from my Christmas stocking forgotten in my backpack]. We prayed with Rod (Jason's boss) and headed out along the scenic route. The round about Cochrane, Priddis, towards Crow's Nest Pass. I drove from 12 - 1:30 and then Jason took over in Priddis. I rested a little bit until Scott (Jason's older brother) phoned and we prayed for him. We stopped at Frank's Slide for gas and the door panel was off. How annoying, and funny. I drove again at 5:30. We stopped at a Superstore for some food for supper, except by then we didn't care and ate at Burger King anyway. It meant we polished off a bag of grapes at the border. The truck in front of us got a rigorous search, but we just had our trunk glanced inside. I drove to Spokane by 10:30 PM and then Jason drove until midnight - we got to Yakk. It was foggy and mystical outside in what we guessed were foothills. I remember the car jerking while resting just after we switched drivers. I smiled and thought of Jesus in the boat and just prayed. Jason said there was some crazy cross-winds later. I woke up and was awake with Jason for most of that drive and it was special. It was like I woke up totally different - in a different world, crossed over in the time between times (Celtic folklore).
God was now foremost.
We slept in the car at a rest stop which wasn't bad. Then we wandered around a bit before heading off, for church. We stopped in Mossy Rock at 10:45 to join the Assembly of God. It was fantastic!!! Small town church and the people were WARM. They wandered around socializing, greeting us kindly. They gave us advice and directions for Mt. St. Helen's when we told them we were going to hike it. They had a big worship team. My favourite part was a very old man (think happy Monster House) who danced a jig in the aisle and then danced up a storm in front of the drummer - encouraging him to play his heart out!
The turn-and-greet-someone time didn't mean turn at all. It meant wander all over the church very genuinely appreciating and loving people. Long period of singing then a sermon on missions and their commitments. Could have been bad like so many other Give sermons but wasn't. It was beautiful and powerful and Truth! Interactive. There was prayer and prophecy going on in the middle of the service - very natural and organized. Yay! "Come on now!" was repeated by someone up at the front which Jason adopted to my delight.
So off we went again. Oh yeah, on our way there we drove to the top of a mountain with a ski resort using the highway as a parking lot. Crazy.

[post break]

Adventure's Eve

Hey! Tomorrow I leave for California! Or today even since it is now 5 past the hour. Yes I'm still procrastinating! I finished a big chunk of my income taxes though. Yes there are still hours ahead and then in the morning I get to wake up and have breakfast with Andy, pack, and take off with Jason. I'm very excited about the trip. It's highly unorganized. No defined route, or resting spots. We're not even officially registered (I was assured it didn't matter and we could register at the door). God said to go, and then he showed me several passages in Genesis (all the classic covenant building events with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob). He tells them to go. Then they go and at night God talks to them. What does this tell me? God likes road-trips, and talking at night. So bring it on, because I'm a fan of both too! I just got the photos from my road trip last April visiting Sindy. She took some stellar pics. I would share them with you but I'm just not that technological. So maybe you should hang out with me instead... Like cool people who called me up and made me come out for Vietnamese tonight (yes, more procrastination), or Shay who decided to come over even though I was doing income taxes, although I sent him off to hang out with people having fun, but not before socializing over freshly baked cookies - Sherry's doing - they were fantastic and lucky me, I'm being sent off with a traveling supply.

But I'm tired. So I'm going to stop procrastinating and wish you all well for the next week and a bit. If you're fortunate I will come by a computer with free-internet access, and update you all. Otherwise, don't wait for phone calls because I don't have a long-distance calling card, and we all know how cheap I am, and my parents for sure know how bad I am at calling to let you know I'm OK - except I did call them overseas, just because I love them though.

When I am afraid I will trust in you, I will trust in you, I will trust in you.

Children's songs are the best. And I keep singing this as a prayer (I sang Kelly Clarkson songs to pray for Jenn in Brazil) for other people. Maybe it's because I sang songs like this when I was a child, or maybe I'm blessed because my grandparents are super cool and pray for me all the time, but I'm not afraid. I relate better with the psalmist who says, The Lord is my refuge, whom shall I fear? But it's not about me. It's about the whole body. The whole body doesn't react to fear. Maybe you feel it in your stomach, or throat, or mind, and maybe I'm none of those things. Maybe I'm the feet and I'm going to make you stand when you want to fall. Or maybe I'm the elbow (I'll never know, I never got the haiku). Either way, how can I go to other people to fight their fears, when the same lives in my house. And I have so much compassion for it. Prayer for that is probably the most precious part of filling in for the neighbour once in a while and brushing off snow.

My Turn To Procrastinate

So I'm still avoiding income taxes. Nasty icky repulsive income taxes. It's funny that they remind me of Joe. Only because I recall he wasn't enjoying doing his income taxes the last time I wasn't. So I've thrown a lot of junk in recycling so far tonight - the 3 weeks of recycling that's piled up from 2 weeks of forgetfulness plus a holiday. I've showered, eaten dinner. I still have to do my physio exercizes (I got new ones today - at my appointment at 6:30 AM - which means I woke up at 5 and am therefore tired and unmotivated right now). The Forever Changed album by the way was good. I'd give it 3 1/2 stars out of 5. I started listening to the Pivitplex album again today too. I suspect it will be a 'rich' album. Cool Hand Luke's new material is premium. Their old material is amusing (who would have guessed they were originally punk-metal?) Singing on breaks at work is fun. I really enjoy the song I wrote. I can't wait to get back from California and put some serious effort into it. I got Axe Deodorant today. Not for any extra wooing assistance, but because it was on sale and Old Spice wasn't. Although Old Spice shower gel was, and I got some new scent that was grandish.
Yesterday was fun. After dinner, Andy said he had something to say, and it was sitting in his chest but he didn't know how to get it out. So I told him to talk without stopping for 3 minutes. So he did. It came out. Then we turned it into a game. The more random train of thought kind usually done in writing. So he started, but since he was focusing on commentary for what he was seeing, I made him close his eyes. It was fun because later on he wanted to pray, so I told him to pray for Sindy's interview because it was a phone interview and she would be talking to people she couldn't see which Andy should know a thing or two about right then. So he did, and it was great. There was much fooling around going on too - such as fingers being held in front of his nose and rubbing his leg under the table - since he was being honest, it bothered him. Then Sherry did it and I finished since Kevin and Pam wouldn't. Although Pam interrupted mine to be participatory. I apparently was the most random, but who would have guessed that? It was fun when Andy stuck a banana in my mouth while I was talking and then I almost chomped off his fingers and then I started talking funny with the banana in my mouth.
So if you're bored, now you know.

Splotches

So I bought a few CDs for my upcoming road trip and so far I'm not impressed. Cool Hand Luke's Balancing Act is a historical documentary greatest hits sort of album, which is not nearly as good as a new album. Dead Poetic's Vices album is very unsatisfying and I should never have randomly listened to track 8 (which is good) to decide to buy it. Anberlin's new one doesn't grab me either.
I got Jonezetta's Popularity earlier and it is rather blase too. So that leaves Forever Changed's Chapters album, which won't be stellar, but could be good.
There's still hope for the year. Mae, The Myriad, Relient K and Project 86 all have upcoming albums.

I leave for California on Saturday and I'm not ready. Surprised? Who are you? My car needs some work, the route isn't planned, we don't know where we're staying. More pressing is that my income tax needs to be done before I leave since it's due on the 15th. I hate doing income taxes.

The birthday present was a hit, coconut lime from RJ is subconsciously taking its toll, and the song is slowly taking shape. So what can I say except that I'm in love, hopeful, and patient. And every time she smiles life gets better.

Prayer prayer prayer. Trixy as ever. Andy and I prayed for Ang Friday night before we left, and in some ways it felt like we failed. In other ways I don't bother analyzing it and focus more on persevering in praying the same thing over and over. I've been praying the, "Jesus prayer," a lot lately (popular apparently among Orthodox Russia).

Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on me a sinner.

It's a strange prayer for me to repeat. I never think of myself as a sinner. I rarely ask Jesus for mercy. And I hardly pray for myself. But I was told a long time ago to look to the Fathers in faith. The old people who got smart at some point. And it reminds me of Shay who repeats Je-sus over and over and over again regaining a vision of God on his throne.

God continues to answer prayers and I like thanking him for them, though I seem not to consider them very much. Pray about everything and say thanks when he comes through. But the regularity of it seems to fade how special it is.

Hearing God. Sometimes it's so subtle and normal and it's all wrong. It should be lit up the way another voice I can think of is. That voice is music. I could hear the slightest hint of it and my mind perks up. But God is sneaky. Driving home from Sundre, I felt the very strong need to pray. It wasn't surprising. Whenever I listen to people and there are big issues, especially ones dealing with other people, and they really want to do something about it, and they're frustrated - my natural instinct is to pray. Because I can't solve it. Listening is really good for me that way. When you listen to people, you end up hearing about a lot of things that can't be solved. I can't offer them a brilliant idea that will change everything. I can't give them what they need. On que, my mind connects to Jesus. Pray pray pray. He changes hearts. He gives gifts. He comforts. He's pretty great.
So I suggest we pray. And there's all kinds of stuff rolling around inside me and I don't know how to start. So she does. A few things directly hit things I want to pray. So I throw a few agreeable comments in like, "yep." But as she's praying for her family, I know what's coming up for her youngest brother. It's strong and its big and I'm not sure how to pray it, but she gets to him and prays it, and I laughed out loud - a rather strange laugh, more of a big release like something God put inside there shooting off. And at the end I start to pray because there's more. And something strange comes out of nowhere but it's right and I fumble around with words to get it out.

Several times during this, I laughed to myself because I thought it would be so much simpler just to, "pray in the spirit," and babel in some gibberish language, because the burden was obviously deeper than my mind could comprehend or sort out neatly. But I've never been given that gift. But what does Paul say? Pray in the spirit and with your mind. So fine, I'll be obedient and pray, the only way I've got so far, and find solace in the knowledge that God knows what he's doing. And I like him. So what if it's gangly. I'll never be very good at being pr-pr-pr-pr-professional!

Last last Thursday

I was having a conversation with some friends and they kept asking me questions. At first they tried to guise them as general questions, but we all knew they were direct.
And so I tried to feed them some safe answers. At one point I laughed, because I'd thought of a clever one, but it really wasn't true. They asked me what I was laughing about so I told them. They asked me why I would think of something if it wasn't real. Because it was entertaining of course. But we don't want entertainment, we want the truth. So one said, so one got - later [see post below].
And the response (as expected) was, "I don't know what to do with this."
The whole thing seemed so very close to what it must be like for God with me. I'm always asking him questions, and sometimes he gives me entertaining answers. And I always smile and laugh at them. I don't worry too much about getting answers quickly or getting all-encompassing ones. Because the truth is much bigger than even what I suspect. And I can't handle all of it. So instead he gives me introductions, and then I take time to process. And he takes opportunities to demonstrate.

And I really enjoyed discovering new physical sensations last last Friday [also see post below]. As I tried to remember experiencing anything similar or close, I thought of some really special moments with God. Which made me happy, because it made me think, you were definitely there this time too, and I love you lots.

So why post about it now and not last last?
Well because if an answer matches what eyes can do, have I got some wooing tips for you.
Basically you should throw things at someone you love. Now success may or may not be key with this phase, but my uncharacteristically great accuracy that day leads me to suspect so. So basically you should hit them. Or push them. Because pushing people down helps to make sure they will fall. And that's the goal isn't it?
Now if you would like to follow suit, and you're interested in controlling variables, I suppose in fairness, you should also include watching romantic movies with them before grabbing their hand to express your love. And you should send them flowers. And you should make them a kick-ass card (with collaborative help and creative genius from your sister). You might also try getting them a great birthday present, a few weeks late, but mum's the word on birthday presents because they don't know about it yet...
Oh and in more fairness, I guess you have to throw snow, and not for example pears.

What Do You Want?

Images unique are printed in my mind.
Your face always beautiful unlike another kind.
Bunnies' hearts bounce too, right into their throat.
Wait an hour before, it comes back down to float.
Check my breathing, yes it's still there.
Which is weird since my lungs are pumping liquid 'stead of air.
There is blood pulsing underneath my cheeks,
my nose, my eyes, my forehead, everything but my teeth.

Say something.
Let me try.
It's framed a question and for a moment I don't know why.
But the whole thing's an inquiry.
Only I've made up my mind.
I had to, it was second in line.
Take your time.
Take all of what you need.
I had 30 months to ponder,
60 days resolve.
Until I took your fingers,
And watched if they would leave.

My Name Is Caleb

So today was incredible. I hung out with Shay for almost all of it, minus, um eating breakfast. We went for a walk through my favourite path close to the house. We came back in time to see Paul & Corey for a little bit. I made some alternative chai. We sat in front of a fire and chatted some more - this time about some things that God has told him that he's been practicing for the last number of years and how that's looked. Then I talked about some of mine, and finally the house and the UM. Then we prayed! Hooray! Lots and lots of truth came out during this whole thing and there's no way I have time to get it all down here. So I'll stop and pray about that, Jesus I ask that you would preserve your truth in my spirit and mind. Don't let it be snatched away or forgotten. But I'll say this as a finale for that portion of the day:

My Name Is Caleb
I Will Love Those Whom The Lord Has Given Me
Touch
Intercession

Those sound like 'words' or something but don't be fooled. They're just summative reminders for me.

James came over which was good all on its own. Then Shay cleaned my bathroom and I helped and off we went to Southside Victory for the final evening in a week long teaching conference. This was great. Charlie taught and he's a cool guy. Lots more truth through this part of the evening. This was finalized by prayer over everyone and I received a prophetic word that went:

You will be an apostolic and prophetic voice, even at a young age.

Snippit

I'm very peaceful right now. I had a delightful time with my family for Samantha's birthday party this evening. My family sings Happy Birthday with their own style and pizazz and it actually sounds good and brings joy to my heart on every occasion it happens. Actually come to think of it that's kind of like my family all the time. My favourite part, may have been Samantha needing nearly 10 minutes to compose herself before blowing out her candles. They'd practically melted into the cake but we kept joking around and making her laugh too much, and in the end she still wound up with 3 boyfriends on her 16th. I also really enjoyed when she thought I'd actually given her a cake-mix for her present (a CD she'd requested - Mmmhmm by Relient K - was inside the box - it was more plausible because of what I'd written in her card...). Lots of good parts though. Melanie hanging onto my arm for the last stretch of the movie was nice. Faye asking me how my wooing was going in the middle of dinner was funny.

Sobering

Damn, I'm selfish after all.

And grumpy right now. I had a pertinent conversation with RJ about the UM tonight. I don't have any answers about it yet. But I'm supposed to pray about it. I'm supposed to pray about it too.

Problems of Patience Pertaining to Proximity

I just finished another chronicled guitar session. As in I played around and then wrote down what I had done. I did this earlier in the week on Tuesday before going out for Russian food with Kirk. Which is as good a way as any to bring me to what I cannot write about.
Slowly slowly pressure ascends. And it's doing strange things to me. The unsaid, the limits, the secrets - all of these erode my calm.
Pam told me I'm obedient on Thursday. That when I figure things out I act on them. I incorporate them right away.
It's true and it makes me conflicted right now.
I was told I use my head too much back in the fall. And I've since wondered if they were praying while they said it because something changed and my senses started reporting elsewhere.
Truth to follow became intuitive and my heart was resolved.
And taking breaks are a good way to further clear your head. Beware though, that vacancies must be filled and if your heart has ardor it will seize them up.
In times like these, friends are never too many.
Some will say it's too soon.
Some will ask and prove.
Some will consider costs.
Some will smile.
Some will get apologies, for words long since past.

Words of the present are dangerous things. And when they must be monitored, they will subvert and slip in surreptitiously.


The new captain was braver, with less caution.
When he caught sight of the treasure, he couldn't forget.
His destination plotted, details of the course shrank.
I looked in his eyes and was caught.
They burned a frozen fire, while he remembered.

How long sir?
I must wait.
What can you mean? We're already sailing.
He smiled. Yes we are. We must wait until we catch up.
To the treasure?
Certainly not. My Father is sailing for her and departed before I.
Will he take it for his own?
He already has, but he's invited us to coalesce.
Are we close?
Very, to the treasure, and it's damn near maddening.
I gasped, and searched about. Spotting something of unspeakable beauty on the horizon, I whirled around in excitement. Your father must be near if we are so close.
His eyes betrayed their fiery glow again, locked on the horizon. He broke them away and spoke words without placeable tone. He is always near.
He looked over the rails and after a long moment I thought he would dive. What happened next, I shall never recover from.
The water surged and a wave of force grasped him like a hand and pulled him up and under.

We sailed on for the treasure I had seen but as we neared I became confused. Off the shores of a treacherous island we dared not seek harbour at, lay the treasure, sunken, resting. I couldn't fathom how I had seen it before at all. And worse, I had no option for procuring it. I am always grateful for glimpsing it closer. When searching for a description, I like to begin by telling of how it seemed to suit the blue flames once encased in our captain.