So I never finished posting my string of california posts. Mostly because they're not terribly exciting without pictures and they're on RJ's computer while they need to be on mine, and I haven't had any time. Time time time. I feel like I'm in a bit of a whirlwind right now. So many things fighting for my focus, which as you should've learned by now, doesn't exist.
Physio exercizes and appointments for my knee - It's getting better!
UM stuff - the ever-changing drama continues to unfold, and it's still hard.
Romance - As if this is third on my priorities or focus, but I thought I'd try and fool you anyway.
The list goes on music, friends, family, God, cooking/cleaning/laundry, working, thinking, dreaming, forgetting. I'm wearing out though. Beware. I'm tired and my brain is melting. Not just the usual post's sort where I'm writing, while tired at the end of the day. The continuous zombie-state is approaching.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Ten Days - Part Six - Rain & Sunshine
Jason would get sick as I drove at least 30 miles of endless hairpin curves. That kind of driving demands all of your attention and is very draining together with the rain. After we got to the coast I continued for a few hours of more intense driving. I had Jason take over beside someone's Taj Mahal house after our morning prayer. I was in a very dour disposition I'm sorry to say. I kept giving Jason driving tips, which I tried to do in a civil manner instead of just giving him looks when we skidded out or went off the pavement. He had lots of time to practice and improved leaps and bounds. The turns never ended though and by the end we were imagining how glorious the interstate route going home would be. We stopped for an Indian lunch of Seekh (lamb) kebabs with nann, rice, a lentil curry and a vegetable curry soup. Yay! I got to eat one of the sheep I enjoyed dotting the hill sides. The countryside became so unusual. African looking trees with Scottish looking hills. I drove into San Fran for rush hour with the doubtful plan of finding a visitor info centre still open, finding an internet cafe to check for billet request responses, and getting a calling card to check in at home and inquire about James. None of it, but we did help two ladies at a gas station. A big what if ending with the second but what can you do after the fact?
Annoying downtown lostness and a sample of the freeway traffic jam had us parking and walking around to kill time and clear heads. It didn't really work. Traffic was still ugly and we were still unorganized and cranky. We got to Vacaville by 9, found a 7-11, got a calling card, and an uncooperative pay phone incurred my anger. Drove around in mostly fruitless attempts to find the Walmart. Wasted time in the store because we were grumpy, but I did talk to RJ. Located a campground, went around in circles finding a restaurant. It was a classy retro-diner Jamie would've been more proud of. The chicken burger-Mexican style- and the chocolate milkshake were good. We got to the campground by 12ish and it wouldn't allow entry after 5:30 PM. So we parked at a gas station and slept in the car, showerless again.
I awoke early enough to watch the sun rise and life feel better.
We set off for AAA and praised God for the sunshine. Now I have to go finish this day before telling you about it.
Or not. Well I've registered, and bought pretty much every Graham Cooke resource available. Now I've got some time again.
So the AAA loaded us up with maps galore and let me call to confirm where the conference was and upon receiving no word about James we were able to keep our intention of not setting foot in San Fran again. Instead we went to Safeway to get yogurt and calcium antacids for Jason, and bread and wine for communion later. Then we walked over to Bath & Bodyworks for Christmas celebrations in shorts and sandals. Yes fun was had by all.
We went and got bulk bags of outcast jelly bellies resisting the urge to buy 5 lbs of candy for $10. No wait, 10 lbs for $5. We returned to Safeway to grab eggs for lunch and went to Best Buy. I found 3 CDs for smashing prices not even available in Canada and I was very happy. Then we headed for the local park where we boiled the eggs for our lovely picnic lunch. We had our daily scripture reading and shared a delightful communion with an olive loaf and Sutter Home cabarnet sauvigon. Then I read poetry while we breathed in the flowers. Hey wait a minute, there's no flowers here...
Now we have 40 minutes before the conference starts.
Oh Holy Spirit, the trips feels so long already. May this piece not be diminished. May our hearts jump at your voice. May we dance and sing without thought of dignity or distraction. We will trust you. We will love you. We will fight fears. Open our minds and spirits to receive and possess truth.
Annoying downtown lostness and a sample of the freeway traffic jam had us parking and walking around to kill time and clear heads. It didn't really work. Traffic was still ugly and we were still unorganized and cranky. We got to Vacaville by 9, found a 7-11, got a calling card, and an uncooperative pay phone incurred my anger. Drove around in mostly fruitless attempts to find the Walmart. Wasted time in the store because we were grumpy, but I did talk to RJ. Located a campground, went around in circles finding a restaurant. It was a classy retro-diner Jamie would've been more proud of. The chicken burger-Mexican style- and the chocolate milkshake were good. We got to the campground by 12ish and it wouldn't allow entry after 5:30 PM. So we parked at a gas station and slept in the car, showerless again.
I awoke early enough to watch the sun rise and life feel better.
We set off for AAA and praised God for the sunshine. Now I have to go finish this day before telling you about it.
Or not. Well I've registered, and bought pretty much every Graham Cooke resource available. Now I've got some time again.
So the AAA loaded us up with maps galore and let me call to confirm where the conference was and upon receiving no word about James we were able to keep our intention of not setting foot in San Fran again. Instead we went to Safeway to get yogurt and calcium antacids for Jason, and bread and wine for communion later. Then we walked over to Bath & Bodyworks for Christmas celebrations in shorts and sandals. Yes fun was had by all.
We went and got bulk bags of outcast jelly bellies resisting the urge to buy 5 lbs of candy for $10. No wait, 10 lbs for $5. We returned to Safeway to grab eggs for lunch and went to Best Buy. I found 3 CDs for smashing prices not even available in Canada and I was very happy. Then we headed for the local park where we boiled the eggs for our lovely picnic lunch. We had our daily scripture reading and shared a delightful communion with an olive loaf and Sutter Home cabarnet sauvigon. Then I read poetry while we breathed in the flowers. Hey wait a minute, there's no flowers here...
Now we have 40 minutes before the conference starts.
Oh Holy Spirit, the trips feels so long already. May this piece not be diminished. May our hearts jump at your voice. May we dance and sing without thought of dignity or distraction. We will trust you. We will love you. We will fight fears. Open our minds and spirits to receive and possess truth.
Ten Days - Part Five - Ents & Sleeping To Waves Crashing
Ewoks, yes yes the Ewoks. We hiked through the magical Redwood Forest of Endor after a breath-taking safari-like car ride. We stopped for a mini-warm up hike and then moved onto the intermediate. Such fond times. Singing improvised songs and rapping based on nonsense hip-swaying (you'd have to be there). Many times we'd take off running through the trails which was grandish. We had our morning prayer beside a waterfall. Swapped stories of the recencies of life, and God.
[yes this is rather a short way to describe most of a day, but hey, that's where pictures come in real handy - and I need to figure out a way to get free album-like online publishing for the trip]
So after the Coastal Trails at Enderts Beach, we drove on right through a tree (after some bonus sight-seeing - yes more twisty driving - yes it is my fault we had to drive through the tree in the dark because I didn't read the sign very carefully). Then we traveled the original highway, which was a potted dirt road, until we came to the top of [a] High Bluff. We stared out at the ocean and prayed and sang with the slightest remaining hints of twilight. We were tired, it was dark, the road was rough. So we camped in a turnout and went to bed with only a little poppy-cock for dinner. Even though we went to bed obscenely early at 8:30 (which meant we were very silly for a while), we were groggy after nine hours of sleep.
But it was rainy and we needed to get going so we 'hurriedly' took down the tent and left at the crack of dawn, or slightly earlier.
We drove until Eureka before having breakfast at 8 at Adel's, a quaint diner Jamie would've enjoyed. I had a Belgian waffle and silliness ensued over some pink table decorations. Were they edible?
Again we took scenic detours to satisfy our Redwood addictions. I was sad not to have any battery power for RJ's camera because the country side continued to change but remain magnificent. Then we chose the coastal detour highway that decided our fate. Instead of reaching San Fran at 1:30, it would be 5.
[post break]
[yes this is rather a short way to describe most of a day, but hey, that's where pictures come in real handy - and I need to figure out a way to get free album-like online publishing for the trip]
So after the Coastal Trails at Enderts Beach, we drove on right through a tree (after some bonus sight-seeing - yes more twisty driving - yes it is my fault we had to drive through the tree in the dark because I didn't read the sign very carefully). Then we traveled the original highway, which was a potted dirt road, until we came to the top of [a] High Bluff. We stared out at the ocean and prayed and sang with the slightest remaining hints of twilight. We were tired, it was dark, the road was rough. So we camped in a turnout and went to bed with only a little poppy-cock for dinner. Even though we went to bed obscenely early at 8:30 (which meant we were very silly for a while), we were groggy after nine hours of sleep.
But it was rainy and we needed to get going so we 'hurriedly' took down the tent and left at the crack of dawn, or slightly earlier.
We drove until Eureka before having breakfast at 8 at Adel's, a quaint diner Jamie would've enjoyed. I had a Belgian waffle and silliness ensued over some pink table decorations. Were they edible?
Again we took scenic detours to satisfy our Redwood addictions. I was sad not to have any battery power for RJ's camera because the country side continued to change but remain magnificent. Then we chose the coastal detour highway that decided our fate. Instead of reaching San Fran at 1:30, it would be 5.
[post break]
Ten Days - Part Four - Run The Rainforest & Revelation
I'll write about Ewoks later - right now I'm going to talk about Coastal Trail. It's like Heart Mountain only a rain forest. Huge encouraging spiritual discussion for 5 or 6 miles or so. Then we ran back - breathing Jesus. And I served Jason. I fell behind and prayed and prayed. I praised and interceded. And God showed me:
Jason John Harder submitted his body to his spirit. Blessed are the feet of the one who brings good news. John the Baptist preached the good news. He is anointed. He is a king in God's kingdom.
And God showed me something too. Nolan Barry Archer. I have a heart after my father.
Now he has your eyes.
Something you wanted.
Your ever wayward eyes.
Wayward to heaven! To Jesus. And I cried while running, and smiled and kept breathing and praying. And when we stopped I got on my knees and blessed Jason's feet with God's anointing. Glory to God in the highest. Peace to all man! Jesus be praised! Hallelujah! Thanks.
[Again, I suppose I haven't adequately related this event, but it seems strange to try and record something that was so deep in my spirit, so beyond words. I will credit Andrew Schwab of Project 86 whose lyrics were used by God (again). I will also acknowledge Shavinesh who shared with me one of the things God's had him working on for years and years. Meditating by repeating Je-sus through breathing. In-out. Je-sus. Until you see him seated on his throne on Zion. I will also recommend The Way of a Pilgrim, the Russian classic, again. It was these two sources that inspired a great portion of the initial discussion - praying without ceasing, and later fueled the run back. I must say that I love running as prayer. My breathing always becomes a rhythm anyway, so it's easy to turn it to meditation and prayer. I did this often when I lived with RJ in Whitehorn and jogged nearly every day. It was also very cool to find that I could split my mind between breathing Je-sus and praying, or singing worship songs, or interceding for family and friends back home.]
Jason John Harder submitted his body to his spirit. Blessed are the feet of the one who brings good news. John the Baptist preached the good news. He is anointed. He is a king in God's kingdom.
And God showed me something too. Nolan Barry Archer. I have a heart after my father.
Now he has your eyes.
Something you wanted.
Your ever wayward eyes.
Wayward to heaven! To Jesus. And I cried while running, and smiled and kept breathing and praying. And when we stopped I got on my knees and blessed Jason's feet with God's anointing. Glory to God in the highest. Peace to all man! Jesus be praised! Hallelujah! Thanks.
[Again, I suppose I haven't adequately related this event, but it seems strange to try and record something that was so deep in my spirit, so beyond words. I will credit Andrew Schwab of Project 86 whose lyrics were used by God (again). I will also acknowledge Shavinesh who shared with me one of the things God's had him working on for years and years. Meditating by repeating Je-sus through breathing. In-out. Je-sus. Until you see him seated on his throne on Zion. I will also recommend The Way of a Pilgrim, the Russian classic, again. It was these two sources that inspired a great portion of the initial discussion - praying without ceasing, and later fueled the run back. I must say that I love running as prayer. My breathing always becomes a rhythm anyway, so it's easy to turn it to meditation and prayer. I did this often when I lived with RJ in Whitehorn and jogged nearly every day. It was also very cool to find that I could split my mind between breathing Je-sus and praying, or singing worship songs, or interceding for family and friends back home.]
Ten Days - Part Three - Two Strangers
We woke up to the end of shoes and shirts, in Oregon anyway. Some exercize, porridge and off to the beach for morning prayer. Then on the coastal 101 we went. We stopped for excursional jaunts down to find dead sea lions and climb big rocks. We had a faith stretching journey to make it to a gas station on empty after Jason wouldn't pull in for 2.63/gallon - "It will be cheaper later"... Again I toke comfort in Andy's song because we were empty and needed filling up. Then we picked up a hitchhiker, John. We took him to Crescent City but he declined our offer to eat at a Mexican restaurant and instead went and found a new friend - Garry. The food was good, the conversation behind me, "deep", and Jason made me glad by swapping free chip baskets with the people who left beside us. Yes we did squeeze everyone and their stuff into my car and went back to the campground in the Redwoods.
That night was interesting to the least. On the way to the campground Garry told us how someone came up to him on the street and said, "Do you wanna hear something corny? Jesus loves you." and gave him $5 and it made him so happy.
At the campground we sat around talking while they smoked pot, and when I came back from brushing my teeth Jason had brought the conversation to beliefs. John had a lot to say, and I kept listening. To him, and for God. Earlier, we'd told him we were going to a conference.
What kind?
A prophetic church kind.
Prophetic?
Hearing God's voice.
At long last I did hear. I received a story for him. Moses and the Egyptians' staffs turning to snakes. I'd already stated my heart for Jesus' being the only way which had launched Jason into a very long disjointed biblical/historical explanation of why Jesus was key that I don't think got through but ended up getting Garry asking questions. I LOVED when Jason ended in prayer. The whole thing was messy and satisfyingly led by the Holy Spirit. I fell asleep in the tent still praying. John even woke us up to say good bye - he caught a ride with the guy beside us. He assured us he hadn't stolen anything (I hadn't been worried, but I had prayed about it :).
[I didn't do a good job of writing about this on the trip, but basically, I feel there was a breakthrough for John. He has a Christian family who prays for him and I prayed a lot for them. He uses drugs contemplatively, and it was hallucinogens that first got him started thinking so much about beliefs - he had a lot to say because he thinks about it all the time now. I prayed that God would reveal himself in those times. And even though he wrote off both things I felt God tell me to say, I think it got to him. He believes in, and has seen the supernatural, but is very universal about it. I got to talk about Jesus after he made a comment about how it frustrates him that so many Christians think that there can only be one way. It went really good, but he wasn't ready to accept the truth. Still, in the morning, there was something about how he said goodbye, that made me think God was niggling at him. It was great to keep praying for them throughout the trip.]
We made breakfast for Garry, and it was grandish and now we're off to find Ewoks.
That night was interesting to the least. On the way to the campground Garry told us how someone came up to him on the street and said, "Do you wanna hear something corny? Jesus loves you." and gave him $5 and it made him so happy.
At the campground we sat around talking while they smoked pot, and when I came back from brushing my teeth Jason had brought the conversation to beliefs. John had a lot to say, and I kept listening. To him, and for God. Earlier, we'd told him we were going to a conference.
What kind?
A prophetic church kind.
Prophetic?
Hearing God's voice.
At long last I did hear. I received a story for him. Moses and the Egyptians' staffs turning to snakes. I'd already stated my heart for Jesus' being the only way which had launched Jason into a very long disjointed biblical/historical explanation of why Jesus was key that I don't think got through but ended up getting Garry asking questions. I LOVED when Jason ended in prayer. The whole thing was messy and satisfyingly led by the Holy Spirit. I fell asleep in the tent still praying. John even woke us up to say good bye - he caught a ride with the guy beside us. He assured us he hadn't stolen anything (I hadn't been worried, but I had prayed about it :).
[I didn't do a good job of writing about this on the trip, but basically, I feel there was a breakthrough for John. He has a Christian family who prays for him and I prayed a lot for them. He uses drugs contemplatively, and it was hallucinogens that first got him started thinking so much about beliefs - he had a lot to say because he thinks about it all the time now. I prayed that God would reveal himself in those times. And even though he wrote off both things I felt God tell me to say, I think it got to him. He believes in, and has seen the supernatural, but is very universal about it. I got to talk about Jesus after he made a comment about how it frustrates him that so many Christians think that there can only be one way. It went really good, but he wasn't ready to accept the truth. Still, in the morning, there was something about how he said goodbye, that made me think God was niggling at him. It was great to keep praying for them throughout the trip.]
We made breakfast for Garry, and it was grandish and now we're off to find Ewoks.
Ten Days - Part Two - Snow-Stolen-Summit & Down Down Down Into The Heart Of The Earth, or maybe just the ocean.
So anyway we drove down to exit 21, got some groceries - Health Chips, Sobeys, Carrots, Fruit, Yogurt (we were not nutritious! Not even close. Turkey Pepperoni, granola bars and some particularly awesome cookies were eaten in copious amounts). Then we had a windy (as in curvy) drive through the park to Cougar where we had to sign in for our {mis}adventures. We said we'd be back by 7 (it got dark 6-6:30) and it was already 3:30. The ideal parking lot was private so I opted for the extra hike route. I followed the directions from the map for a very windy long, scenic drive until we decided we were crazy (I was crazy) and turned back for risking a ticket. We found a snow park with x-country ski trails and snowmobiling... 5 minutes turned from snowless to more snow than Calgary's had all year put together. Lucky for us we're stubborn, the pastor had told us about Ape Caves, and I had an intense feeling that God was waiting for us up there. Back when I had that moment, I realized that instead of taking Exit 69 (our plan) we took Exit 21, the last exit. The first shall be last and the last shall be first. A funny way for one part of Andy's song to find fulfillment.
We hiked through probably a 6 ft bed of snow for 30 minutes to go Lava Tube Speleunking. Speleunking was SWEET! I had Jason's flashlight and he had his headlamp. A mixture of bouldering, hiking and eventually... climbing. We found a vent to the surface. It was a wet, mossy wall, but why not free climb it? [I hadn't seen the 3 rules I was emailed to follow - Don't die & Don't whine]
At one point I had to use Jason's shoulder to reach the top but he was stubborn and got up bracing his face against the wall (insanity!). Part of me thought Jason! How are we going to get down now?!?!? (we were NOT hiking back miles through untouched 6 ft of snow) but most of me thought, yeah I would have done that too. Now I had to do some highly intense free-climbing down, and the daylight was now gone and not helping. But Jesus got me through and I helped Jason down. No one died. Then we kept going to the real exit (with complimentary mounted stairs) and got good and wet traipsing around in the snow topside. Back down for a long hike back. Oh yeah and I scared Jason by going ahead, hiding, and turning off my light, waiting for him and screaming on the way up! I kept ending up ahead of Jason so I'd stop and stand like a statue with my light off in absolute darkness and pray. Mmm prayer. Like the morning prayer we'd had earlier in the car. So I was a bit impatient getting back. Because were late and I was concerned for the Search & Rescue people and it's mildly depressing speleunking that long. Stopping and praying was a good counter. The Search & Rescue guy was awesome! Praise God! He was just impressed that we'd gone all the way to the end and back that quickly (no he didn't know about our little side venture either), and couldn't believe I was only wearing runners. He wasn't worried at all, didn't give us a ticket, and didn't even sick his german shepherd on us for fun.
More fun driving for me (RJ would have hated me) - in the dark and then I swapped with Jason at the interstate. I swapped back later, in time to get to do the almost psychedelic downhill twisty fast forested dark run to our campground at the coast at 12:30 AM. We set up the tent and had a long shower and went to bed with thank you prayers. We'd had evening prayers the night before (in the mystical foggy drive) where I asked Jason what was on his heart and we prayed for the addicted in Calgary.
[post break]
We hiked through probably a 6 ft bed of snow for 30 minutes to go Lava Tube Speleunking. Speleunking was SWEET! I had Jason's flashlight and he had his headlamp. A mixture of bouldering, hiking and eventually... climbing. We found a vent to the surface. It was a wet, mossy wall, but why not free climb it? [I hadn't seen the 3 rules I was emailed to follow - Don't die & Don't whine]
At one point I had to use Jason's shoulder to reach the top but he was stubborn and got up bracing his face against the wall (insanity!). Part of me thought Jason! How are we going to get down now?!?!? (we were NOT hiking back miles through untouched 6 ft of snow) but most of me thought, yeah I would have done that too. Now I had to do some highly intense free-climbing down, and the daylight was now gone and not helping. But Jesus got me through and I helped Jason down. No one died. Then we kept going to the real exit (with complimentary mounted stairs) and got good and wet traipsing around in the snow topside. Back down for a long hike back. Oh yeah and I scared Jason by going ahead, hiding, and turning off my light, waiting for him and screaming on the way up! I kept ending up ahead of Jason so I'd stop and stand like a statue with my light off in absolute darkness and pray. Mmm prayer. Like the morning prayer we'd had earlier in the car. So I was a bit impatient getting back. Because were late and I was concerned for the Search & Rescue people and it's mildly depressing speleunking that long. Stopping and praying was a good counter. The Search & Rescue guy was awesome! Praise God! He was just impressed that we'd gone all the way to the end and back that quickly (no he didn't know about our little side venture either), and couldn't believe I was only wearing runners. He wasn't worried at all, didn't give us a ticket, and didn't even sick his german shepherd on us for fun.
More fun driving for me (RJ would have hated me) - in the dark and then I swapped with Jason at the interstate. I swapped back later, in time to get to do the almost psychedelic downhill twisty fast forested dark run to our campground at the coast at 12:30 AM. We set up the tent and had a long shower and went to bed with thank you prayers. We'd had evening prayers the night before (in the mystical foggy drive) where I asked Jason what was on his heart and we prayed for the addicted in Calgary.
[post break]
Ten Days - Part One - Fog-Filled Magic & Church
We begun late. I'd been up until 5:15 AM the night before working on my taxes - which I didn't finish. I awoke late - 8:30 AM - and ate cereal with Connor & Andy. Andy had a song for me and had already been praying for me. I loaded up the car and went to pick up Jason [note, I was informed that I left a trail of pistachio shells from my backpack through the house - like hansel and gretle, to find their way home - also note, those were leftover stache from my Christmas stocking forgotten in my backpack]. We prayed with Rod (Jason's boss) and headed out along the scenic route. The round about Cochrane, Priddis, towards Crow's Nest Pass. I drove from 12 - 1:30 and then Jason took over in Priddis. I rested a little bit until Scott (Jason's older brother) phoned and we prayed for him. We stopped at Frank's Slide for gas and the door panel was off. How annoying, and funny. I drove again at 5:30. We stopped at a Superstore for some food for supper, except by then we didn't care and ate at Burger King anyway. It meant we polished off a bag of grapes at the border. The truck in front of us got a rigorous search, but we just had our trunk glanced inside. I drove to Spokane by 10:30 PM and then Jason drove until midnight - we got to Yakk. It was foggy and mystical outside in what we guessed were foothills. I remember the car jerking while resting just after we switched drivers. I smiled and thought of Jesus in the boat and just prayed. Jason said there was some crazy cross-winds later. I woke up and was awake with Jason for most of that drive and it was special. It was like I woke up totally different - in a different world, crossed over in the time between times (Celtic folklore).
God was now foremost.
We slept in the car at a rest stop which wasn't bad. Then we wandered around a bit before heading off, for church. We stopped in Mossy Rock at 10:45 to join the Assembly of God. It was fantastic!!! Small town church and the people were WARM. They wandered around socializing, greeting us kindly. They gave us advice and directions for Mt. St. Helen's when we told them we were going to hike it. They had a big worship team. My favourite part was a very old man (think happy Monster House) who danced a jig in the aisle and then danced up a storm in front of the drummer - encouraging him to play his heart out!
The turn-and-greet-someone time didn't mean turn at all. It meant wander all over the church very genuinely appreciating and loving people. Long period of singing then a sermon on missions and their commitments. Could have been bad like so many other Give sermons but wasn't. It was beautiful and powerful and Truth! Interactive. There was prayer and prophecy going on in the middle of the service - very natural and organized. Yay! "Come on now!" was repeated by someone up at the front which Jason adopted to my delight.
So off we went again. Oh yeah, on our way there we drove to the top of a mountain with a ski resort using the highway as a parking lot. Crazy.
[post break]
God was now foremost.
We slept in the car at a rest stop which wasn't bad. Then we wandered around a bit before heading off, for church. We stopped in Mossy Rock at 10:45 to join the Assembly of God. It was fantastic!!! Small town church and the people were WARM. They wandered around socializing, greeting us kindly. They gave us advice and directions for Mt. St. Helen's when we told them we were going to hike it. They had a big worship team. My favourite part was a very old man (think happy Monster House) who danced a jig in the aisle and then danced up a storm in front of the drummer - encouraging him to play his heart out!
The turn-and-greet-someone time didn't mean turn at all. It meant wander all over the church very genuinely appreciating and loving people. Long period of singing then a sermon on missions and their commitments. Could have been bad like so many other Give sermons but wasn't. It was beautiful and powerful and Truth! Interactive. There was prayer and prophecy going on in the middle of the service - very natural and organized. Yay! "Come on now!" was repeated by someone up at the front which Jason adopted to my delight.
So off we went again. Oh yeah, on our way there we drove to the top of a mountain with a ski resort using the highway as a parking lot. Crazy.
[post break]
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Adventure's Eve
Hey! Tomorrow I leave for California! Or today even since it is now 5 past the hour. Yes I'm still procrastinating! I finished a big chunk of my income taxes though. Yes there are still hours ahead and then in the morning I get to wake up and have breakfast with Andy, pack, and take off with Jason. I'm very excited about the trip. It's highly unorganized. No defined route, or resting spots. We're not even officially registered (I was assured it didn't matter and we could register at the door). God said to go, and then he showed me several passages in Genesis (all the classic covenant building events with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob). He tells them to go. Then they go and at night God talks to them. What does this tell me? God likes road-trips, and talking at night. So bring it on, because I'm a fan of both too! I just got the photos from my road trip last April visiting Sindy. She took some stellar pics. I would share them with you but I'm just not that technological. So maybe you should hang out with me instead... Like cool people who called me up and made me come out for Vietnamese tonight (yes, more procrastination), or Shay who decided to come over even though I was doing income taxes, although I sent him off to hang out with people having fun, but not before socializing over freshly baked cookies - Sherry's doing - they were fantastic and lucky me, I'm being sent off with a traveling supply.
But I'm tired. So I'm going to stop procrastinating and wish you all well for the next week and a bit. If you're fortunate I will come by a computer with free-internet access, and update you all. Otherwise, don't wait for phone calls because I don't have a long-distance calling card, and we all know how cheap I am, and my parents for sure know how bad I am at calling to let you know I'm OK - except I did call them overseas, just because I love them though.
When I am afraid I will trust in you, I will trust in you, I will trust in you.
Children's songs are the best. And I keep singing this as a prayer (I sang Kelly Clarkson songs to pray for Jenn in Brazil) for other people. Maybe it's because I sang songs like this when I was a child, or maybe I'm blessed because my grandparents are super cool and pray for me all the time, but I'm not afraid. I relate better with the psalmist who says, The Lord is my refuge, whom shall I fear? But it's not about me. It's about the whole body. The whole body doesn't react to fear. Maybe you feel it in your stomach, or throat, or mind, and maybe I'm none of those things. Maybe I'm the feet and I'm going to make you stand when you want to fall. Or maybe I'm the elbow (I'll never know, I never got the haiku). Either way, how can I go to other people to fight their fears, when the same lives in my house. And I have so much compassion for it. Prayer for that is probably the most precious part of filling in for the neighbour once in a while and brushing off snow.
But I'm tired. So I'm going to stop procrastinating and wish you all well for the next week and a bit. If you're fortunate I will come by a computer with free-internet access, and update you all. Otherwise, don't wait for phone calls because I don't have a long-distance calling card, and we all know how cheap I am, and my parents for sure know how bad I am at calling to let you know I'm OK - except I did call them overseas, just because I love them though.
When I am afraid I will trust in you, I will trust in you, I will trust in you.
Children's songs are the best. And I keep singing this as a prayer (I sang Kelly Clarkson songs to pray for Jenn in Brazil) for other people. Maybe it's because I sang songs like this when I was a child, or maybe I'm blessed because my grandparents are super cool and pray for me all the time, but I'm not afraid. I relate better with the psalmist who says, The Lord is my refuge, whom shall I fear? But it's not about me. It's about the whole body. The whole body doesn't react to fear. Maybe you feel it in your stomach, or throat, or mind, and maybe I'm none of those things. Maybe I'm the feet and I'm going to make you stand when you want to fall. Or maybe I'm the elbow (I'll never know, I never got the haiku). Either way, how can I go to other people to fight their fears, when the same lives in my house. And I have so much compassion for it. Prayer for that is probably the most precious part of filling in for the neighbour once in a while and brushing off snow.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
My Turn To Procrastinate
So I'm still avoiding income taxes. Nasty icky repulsive income taxes. It's funny that they remind me of Joe. Only because I recall he wasn't enjoying doing his income taxes the last time I wasn't. So I've thrown a lot of junk in recycling so far tonight - the 3 weeks of recycling that's piled up from 2 weeks of forgetfulness plus a holiday. I've showered, eaten dinner. I still have to do my physio exercizes (I got new ones today - at my appointment at 6:30 AM - which means I woke up at 5 and am therefore tired and unmotivated right now). The Forever Changed album by the way was good. I'd give it 3 1/2 stars out of 5. I started listening to the Pivitplex album again today too. I suspect it will be a 'rich' album. Cool Hand Luke's new material is premium. Their old material is amusing (who would have guessed they were originally punk-metal?) Singing on breaks at work is fun. I really enjoy the song I wrote. I can't wait to get back from California and put some serious effort into it. I got Axe Deodorant today. Not for any extra wooing assistance, but because it was on sale and Old Spice wasn't. Although Old Spice shower gel was, and I got some new scent that was grandish.
Yesterday was fun. After dinner, Andy said he had something to say, and it was sitting in his chest but he didn't know how to get it out. So I told him to talk without stopping for 3 minutes. So he did. It came out. Then we turned it into a game. The more random train of thought kind usually done in writing. So he started, but since he was focusing on commentary for what he was seeing, I made him close his eyes. It was fun because later on he wanted to pray, so I told him to pray for Sindy's interview because it was a phone interview and she would be talking to people she couldn't see which Andy should know a thing or two about right then. So he did, and it was great. There was much fooling around going on too - such as fingers being held in front of his nose and rubbing his leg under the table - since he was being honest, it bothered him. Then Sherry did it and I finished since Kevin and Pam wouldn't. Although Pam interrupted mine to be participatory. I apparently was the most random, but who would have guessed that? It was fun when Andy stuck a banana in my mouth while I was talking and then I almost chomped off his fingers and then I started talking funny with the banana in my mouth.
So if you're bored, now you know.
Yesterday was fun. After dinner, Andy said he had something to say, and it was sitting in his chest but he didn't know how to get it out. So I told him to talk without stopping for 3 minutes. So he did. It came out. Then we turned it into a game. The more random train of thought kind usually done in writing. So he started, but since he was focusing on commentary for what he was seeing, I made him close his eyes. It was fun because later on he wanted to pray, so I told him to pray for Sindy's interview because it was a phone interview and she would be talking to people she couldn't see which Andy should know a thing or two about right then. So he did, and it was great. There was much fooling around going on too - such as fingers being held in front of his nose and rubbing his leg under the table - since he was being honest, it bothered him. Then Sherry did it and I finished since Kevin and Pam wouldn't. Although Pam interrupted mine to be participatory. I apparently was the most random, but who would have guessed that? It was fun when Andy stuck a banana in my mouth while I was talking and then I almost chomped off his fingers and then I started talking funny with the banana in my mouth.
So if you're bored, now you know.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Splotches
So I bought a few CDs for my upcoming road trip and so far I'm not impressed. Cool Hand Luke's Balancing Act is a historical documentary greatest hits sort of album, which is not nearly as good as a new album. Dead Poetic's Vices album is very unsatisfying and I should never have randomly listened to track 8 (which is good) to decide to buy it. Anberlin's new one doesn't grab me either.
I got Jonezetta's Popularity earlier and it is rather blase too. So that leaves Forever Changed's Chapters album, which won't be stellar, but could be good.
There's still hope for the year. Mae, The Myriad, Relient K and Project 86 all have upcoming albums.
I leave for California on Saturday and I'm not ready. Surprised? Who are you? My car needs some work, the route isn't planned, we don't know where we're staying. More pressing is that my income tax needs to be done before I leave since it's due on the 15th. I hate doing income taxes.
The birthday present was a hit, coconut lime from RJ is subconsciously taking its toll, and the song is slowly taking shape. So what can I say except that I'm in love, hopeful, and patient. And every time she smiles life gets better.
Prayer prayer prayer. Trixy as ever. Andy and I prayed for Ang Friday night before we left, and in some ways it felt like we failed. In other ways I don't bother analyzing it and focus more on persevering in praying the same thing over and over. I've been praying the, "Jesus prayer," a lot lately (popular apparently among Orthodox Russia).
Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on me a sinner.
It's a strange prayer for me to repeat. I never think of myself as a sinner. I rarely ask Jesus for mercy. And I hardly pray for myself. But I was told a long time ago to look to the Fathers in faith. The old people who got smart at some point. And it reminds me of Shay who repeats Je-sus over and over and over again regaining a vision of God on his throne.
God continues to answer prayers and I like thanking him for them, though I seem not to consider them very much. Pray about everything and say thanks when he comes through. But the regularity of it seems to fade how special it is.
Hearing God. Sometimes it's so subtle and normal and it's all wrong. It should be lit up the way another voice I can think of is. That voice is music. I could hear the slightest hint of it and my mind perks up. But God is sneaky. Driving home from Sundre, I felt the very strong need to pray. It wasn't surprising. Whenever I listen to people and there are big issues, especially ones dealing with other people, and they really want to do something about it, and they're frustrated - my natural instinct is to pray. Because I can't solve it. Listening is really good for me that way. When you listen to people, you end up hearing about a lot of things that can't be solved. I can't offer them a brilliant idea that will change everything. I can't give them what they need. On que, my mind connects to Jesus. Pray pray pray. He changes hearts. He gives gifts. He comforts. He's pretty great.
So I suggest we pray. And there's all kinds of stuff rolling around inside me and I don't know how to start. So she does. A few things directly hit things I want to pray. So I throw a few agreeable comments in like, "yep." But as she's praying for her family, I know what's coming up for her youngest brother. It's strong and its big and I'm not sure how to pray it, but she gets to him and prays it, and I laughed out loud - a rather strange laugh, more of a big release like something God put inside there shooting off. And at the end I start to pray because there's more. And something strange comes out of nowhere but it's right and I fumble around with words to get it out.
Several times during this, I laughed to myself because I thought it would be so much simpler just to, "pray in the spirit," and babel in some gibberish language, because the burden was obviously deeper than my mind could comprehend or sort out neatly. But I've never been given that gift. But what does Paul say? Pray in the spirit and with your mind. So fine, I'll be obedient and pray, the only way I've got so far, and find solace in the knowledge that God knows what he's doing. And I like him. So what if it's gangly. I'll never be very good at being pr-pr-pr-pr-professional!
I got Jonezetta's Popularity earlier and it is rather blase too. So that leaves Forever Changed's Chapters album, which won't be stellar, but could be good.
There's still hope for the year. Mae, The Myriad, Relient K and Project 86 all have upcoming albums.
I leave for California on Saturday and I'm not ready. Surprised? Who are you? My car needs some work, the route isn't planned, we don't know where we're staying. More pressing is that my income tax needs to be done before I leave since it's due on the 15th. I hate doing income taxes.
The birthday present was a hit, coconut lime from RJ is subconsciously taking its toll, and the song is slowly taking shape. So what can I say except that I'm in love, hopeful, and patient. And every time she smiles life gets better.
Prayer prayer prayer. Trixy as ever. Andy and I prayed for Ang Friday night before we left, and in some ways it felt like we failed. In other ways I don't bother analyzing it and focus more on persevering in praying the same thing over and over. I've been praying the, "Jesus prayer," a lot lately (popular apparently among Orthodox Russia).
Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on me a sinner.
It's a strange prayer for me to repeat. I never think of myself as a sinner. I rarely ask Jesus for mercy. And I hardly pray for myself. But I was told a long time ago to look to the Fathers in faith. The old people who got smart at some point. And it reminds me of Shay who repeats Je-sus over and over and over again regaining a vision of God on his throne.
God continues to answer prayers and I like thanking him for them, though I seem not to consider them very much. Pray about everything and say thanks when he comes through. But the regularity of it seems to fade how special it is.
Hearing God. Sometimes it's so subtle and normal and it's all wrong. It should be lit up the way another voice I can think of is. That voice is music. I could hear the slightest hint of it and my mind perks up. But God is sneaky. Driving home from Sundre, I felt the very strong need to pray. It wasn't surprising. Whenever I listen to people and there are big issues, especially ones dealing with other people, and they really want to do something about it, and they're frustrated - my natural instinct is to pray. Because I can't solve it. Listening is really good for me that way. When you listen to people, you end up hearing about a lot of things that can't be solved. I can't offer them a brilliant idea that will change everything. I can't give them what they need. On que, my mind connects to Jesus. Pray pray pray. He changes hearts. He gives gifts. He comforts. He's pretty great.
So I suggest we pray. And there's all kinds of stuff rolling around inside me and I don't know how to start. So she does. A few things directly hit things I want to pray. So I throw a few agreeable comments in like, "yep." But as she's praying for her family, I know what's coming up for her youngest brother. It's strong and its big and I'm not sure how to pray it, but she gets to him and prays it, and I laughed out loud - a rather strange laugh, more of a big release like something God put inside there shooting off. And at the end I start to pray because there's more. And something strange comes out of nowhere but it's right and I fumble around with words to get it out.
Several times during this, I laughed to myself because I thought it would be so much simpler just to, "pray in the spirit," and babel in some gibberish language, because the burden was obviously deeper than my mind could comprehend or sort out neatly. But I've never been given that gift. But what does Paul say? Pray in the spirit and with your mind. So fine, I'll be obedient and pray, the only way I've got so far, and find solace in the knowledge that God knows what he's doing. And I like him. So what if it's gangly. I'll never be very good at being pr-pr-pr-pr-professional!
Monday, February 19, 2007
Last last Thursday
I was having a conversation with some friends and they kept asking me questions. At first they tried to guise them as general questions, but we all knew they were direct.
And so I tried to feed them some safe answers. At one point I laughed, because I'd thought of a clever one, but it really wasn't true. They asked me what I was laughing about so I told them. They asked me why I would think of something if it wasn't real. Because it was entertaining of course. But we don't want entertainment, we want the truth. So one said, so one got - later [see post below].
And the response (as expected) was, "I don't know what to do with this."
The whole thing seemed so very close to what it must be like for God with me. I'm always asking him questions, and sometimes he gives me entertaining answers. And I always smile and laugh at them. I don't worry too much about getting answers quickly or getting all-encompassing ones. Because the truth is much bigger than even what I suspect. And I can't handle all of it. So instead he gives me introductions, and then I take time to process. And he takes opportunities to demonstrate.
And I really enjoyed discovering new physical sensations last last Friday [also see post below]. As I tried to remember experiencing anything similar or close, I thought of some really special moments with God. Which made me happy, because it made me think, you were definitely there this time too, and I love you lots.
So why post about it now and not last last?
Well because if an answer matches what eyes can do, have I got some wooing tips for you.
Basically you should throw things at someone you love. Now success may or may not be key with this phase, but my uncharacteristically great accuracy that day leads me to suspect so. So basically you should hit them. Or push them. Because pushing people down helps to make sure they will fall. And that's the goal isn't it?
Now if you would like to follow suit, and you're interested in controlling variables, I suppose in fairness, you should also include watching romantic movies with them before grabbing their hand to express your love. And you should send them flowers. And you should make them a kick-ass card (with collaborative help and creative genius from your sister). You might also try getting them a great birthday present, a few weeks late, but mum's the word on birthday presents because they don't know about it yet...
Oh and in more fairness, I guess you have to throw snow, and not for example pears.
And so I tried to feed them some safe answers. At one point I laughed, because I'd thought of a clever one, but it really wasn't true. They asked me what I was laughing about so I told them. They asked me why I would think of something if it wasn't real. Because it was entertaining of course. But we don't want entertainment, we want the truth. So one said, so one got - later [see post below].
And the response (as expected) was, "I don't know what to do with this."
The whole thing seemed so very close to what it must be like for God with me. I'm always asking him questions, and sometimes he gives me entertaining answers. And I always smile and laugh at them. I don't worry too much about getting answers quickly or getting all-encompassing ones. Because the truth is much bigger than even what I suspect. And I can't handle all of it. So instead he gives me introductions, and then I take time to process. And he takes opportunities to demonstrate.
And I really enjoyed discovering new physical sensations last last Friday [also see post below]. As I tried to remember experiencing anything similar or close, I thought of some really special moments with God. Which made me happy, because it made me think, you were definitely there this time too, and I love you lots.
So why post about it now and not last last?
Well because if an answer matches what eyes can do, have I got some wooing tips for you.
Basically you should throw things at someone you love. Now success may or may not be key with this phase, but my uncharacteristically great accuracy that day leads me to suspect so. So basically you should hit them. Or push them. Because pushing people down helps to make sure they will fall. And that's the goal isn't it?
Now if you would like to follow suit, and you're interested in controlling variables, I suppose in fairness, you should also include watching romantic movies with them before grabbing their hand to express your love. And you should send them flowers. And you should make them a kick-ass card (with collaborative help and creative genius from your sister). You might also try getting them a great birthday present, a few weeks late, but mum's the word on birthday presents because they don't know about it yet...
Oh and in more fairness, I guess you have to throw snow, and not for example pears.
What Do You Want?
Images unique are printed in my mind.
Your face always beautiful unlike another kind.
Bunnies' hearts bounce too, right into their throat.
Wait an hour before, it comes back down to float.
Check my breathing, yes it's still there.
Which is weird since my lungs are pumping liquid 'stead of air.
There is blood pulsing underneath my cheeks,
my nose, my eyes, my forehead, everything but my teeth.
Say something.
Let me try.
It's framed a question and for a moment I don't know why.
But the whole thing's an inquiry.
Only I've made up my mind.
I had to, it was second in line.
Take your time.
Take all of what you need.
I had 30 months to ponder,
60 days resolve.
Until I took your fingers,
And watched if they would leave.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
My Name Is Caleb
So today was incredible. I hung out with Shay for almost all of it, minus, um eating breakfast. We went for a walk through my favourite path close to the house. We came back in time to see Paul & Corey for a little bit. I made some alternative chai. We sat in front of a fire and chatted some more - this time about some things that God has told him that he's been practicing for the last number of years and how that's looked. Then I talked about some of mine, and finally the house and the UM. Then we prayed! Hooray! Lots and lots of truth came out during this whole thing and there's no way I have time to get it all down here. So I'll stop and pray about that, Jesus I ask that you would preserve your truth in my spirit and mind. Don't let it be snatched away or forgotten. But I'll say this as a finale for that portion of the day:
My Name Is Caleb
I Will Love Those Whom The Lord Has Given Me
Touch
Intercession
Those sound like 'words' or something but don't be fooled. They're just summative reminders for me.
James came over which was good all on its own. Then Shay cleaned my bathroom and I helped and off we went to Southside Victory for the final evening in a week long teaching conference. This was great. Charlie taught and he's a cool guy. Lots more truth through this part of the evening. This was finalized by prayer over everyone and I received a prophetic word that went:
You will be an apostolic and prophetic voice, even at a young age.
My Name Is Caleb
I Will Love Those Whom The Lord Has Given Me
Touch
Intercession
Those sound like 'words' or something but don't be fooled. They're just summative reminders for me.
James came over which was good all on its own. Then Shay cleaned my bathroom and I helped and off we went to Southside Victory for the final evening in a week long teaching conference. This was great. Charlie taught and he's a cool guy. Lots more truth through this part of the evening. This was finalized by prayer over everyone and I received a prophetic word that went:
You will be an apostolic and prophetic voice, even at a young age.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Snippit
I'm very peaceful right now. I had a delightful time with my family for Samantha's birthday party this evening. My family sings Happy Birthday with their own style and pizazz and it actually sounds good and brings joy to my heart on every occasion it happens. Actually come to think of it that's kind of like my family all the time. My favourite part, may have been Samantha needing nearly 10 minutes to compose herself before blowing out her candles. They'd practically melted into the cake but we kept joking around and making her laugh too much, and in the end she still wound up with 3 boyfriends on her 16th. I also really enjoyed when she thought I'd actually given her a cake-mix for her present (a CD she'd requested - Mmmhmm by Relient K - was inside the box - it was more plausible because of what I'd written in her card...). Lots of good parts though. Melanie hanging onto my arm for the last stretch of the movie was nice. Faye asking me how my wooing was going in the middle of dinner was funny.
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Sobering
Damn, I'm selfish after all.
And grumpy right now. I had a pertinent conversation with RJ about the UM tonight. I don't have any answers about it yet. But I'm supposed to pray about it. I'm supposed to pray about it too.
And grumpy right now. I had a pertinent conversation with RJ about the UM tonight. I don't have any answers about it yet. But I'm supposed to pray about it. I'm supposed to pray about it too.
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Problems of Patience Pertaining to Proximity
I just finished another chronicled guitar session. As in I played around and then wrote down what I had done. I did this earlier in the week on Tuesday before going out for Russian food with Kirk. Which is as good a way as any to bring me to what I cannot write about.
Slowly slowly pressure ascends. And it's doing strange things to me. The unsaid, the limits, the secrets - all of these erode my calm.
Pam told me I'm obedient on Thursday. That when I figure things out I act on them. I incorporate them right away.
It's true and it makes me conflicted right now.
I was told I use my head too much back in the fall. And I've since wondered if they were praying while they said it because something changed and my senses started reporting elsewhere.
Truth to follow became intuitive and my heart was resolved.
And taking breaks are a good way to further clear your head. Beware though, that vacancies must be filled and if your heart has ardor it will seize them up.
In times like these, friends are never too many.
Some will say it's too soon.
Some will ask and prove.
Some will consider costs.
Some will smile.
Some will get apologies, for words long since past.
Words of the present are dangerous things. And when they must be monitored, they will subvert and slip in surreptitiously.
The new captain was braver, with less caution.
When he caught sight of the treasure, he couldn't forget.
His destination plotted, details of the course shrank.
I looked in his eyes and was caught.
They burned a frozen fire, while he remembered.
How long sir?
I must wait.
What can you mean? We're already sailing.
He smiled. Yes we are. We must wait until we catch up.
To the treasure?
Certainly not. My Father is sailing for her and departed before I.
Will he take it for his own?
He already has, but he's invited us to coalesce.
Are we close?
Very, to the treasure, and it's damn near maddening.
I gasped, and searched about. Spotting something of unspeakable beauty on the horizon, I whirled around in excitement. Your father must be near if we are so close.
His eyes betrayed their fiery glow again, locked on the horizon. He broke them away and spoke words without placeable tone. He is always near.
He looked over the rails and after a long moment I thought he would dive. What happened next, I shall never recover from.
The water surged and a wave of force grasped him like a hand and pulled him up and under.
We sailed on for the treasure I had seen but as we neared I became confused. Off the shores of a treacherous island we dared not seek harbour at, lay the treasure, sunken, resting. I couldn't fathom how I had seen it before at all. And worse, I had no option for procuring it. I am always grateful for glimpsing it closer. When searching for a description, I like to begin by telling of how it seemed to suit the blue flames once encased in our captain.
Slowly slowly pressure ascends. And it's doing strange things to me. The unsaid, the limits, the secrets - all of these erode my calm.
Pam told me I'm obedient on Thursday. That when I figure things out I act on them. I incorporate them right away.
It's true and it makes me conflicted right now.
I was told I use my head too much back in the fall. And I've since wondered if they were praying while they said it because something changed and my senses started reporting elsewhere.
Truth to follow became intuitive and my heart was resolved.
And taking breaks are a good way to further clear your head. Beware though, that vacancies must be filled and if your heart has ardor it will seize them up.
In times like these, friends are never too many.
Some will say it's too soon.
Some will ask and prove.
Some will consider costs.
Some will smile.
Some will get apologies, for words long since past.
Words of the present are dangerous things. And when they must be monitored, they will subvert and slip in surreptitiously.
The new captain was braver, with less caution.
When he caught sight of the treasure, he couldn't forget.
His destination plotted, details of the course shrank.
I looked in his eyes and was caught.
They burned a frozen fire, while he remembered.
How long sir?
I must wait.
What can you mean? We're already sailing.
He smiled. Yes we are. We must wait until we catch up.
To the treasure?
Certainly not. My Father is sailing for her and departed before I.
Will he take it for his own?
He already has, but he's invited us to coalesce.
Are we close?
Very, to the treasure, and it's damn near maddening.
I gasped, and searched about. Spotting something of unspeakable beauty on the horizon, I whirled around in excitement. Your father must be near if we are so close.
His eyes betrayed their fiery glow again, locked on the horizon. He broke them away and spoke words without placeable tone. He is always near.
He looked over the rails and after a long moment I thought he would dive. What happened next, I shall never recover from.
The water surged and a wave of force grasped him like a hand and pulled him up and under.
We sailed on for the treasure I had seen but as we neared I became confused. Off the shores of a treacherous island we dared not seek harbour at, lay the treasure, sunken, resting. I couldn't fathom how I had seen it before at all. And worse, I had no option for procuring it. I am always grateful for glimpsing it closer. When searching for a description, I like to begin by telling of how it seemed to suit the blue flames once encased in our captain.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Move My Decimal Over Please
Pr pr pr pr profesh-tional!
So I had a thought during evening prayers tonight. It went along with a question God asked me the other day and a nice little quote from CS Lewis they used at church the other week.
"Diving is great, but once you hit the water it's all about swimming." [not exact quote]
The question God asked me which I will respectfully veil, basically went, "what will it look like after you start?"
Previously I'd been focusing on whether to start or not.
Today was an interesting day. I woke up for my morning solitude which was very frustrating. Morning prayer was zombieish on my part but RJ redeemed it. Then I got into my car and almost immediately I started crying as I finally connected with God. During my first break at work I continued to re-read a short Graham Cooke book. Lots of important and pertinent truths as per usual. One thing that he talked about which is sticking out to me now is about returning to your first love of God. That you enter into His gates with thanksgiving in your heart (the theme of the week). That if you get your life focused on loving God, your love for other people will shoot up ten times as a result. And so, God's question returned to my head tonight. And I thought about the passage we'd just read. About the ways to love God it described. Because it really is a good description of being really really in love with God. Singing about him. Telling everyone about him and what he has done. It's very excited. And I thought about the fun things I've done with God in the past. Making up a shooting prayer game comes to mind. And I thought, I need to be more romantic with God. I need to come up with creative dates to go on with God. I need to write him some more songs and poetry. I need to brag about him. I need to get him stuck in my head all day long. I need to stay in a room as long as he's there, just because he's there. I need to jump at chances to spend time with him. I need to pay attention and think of meaningful special gifts I could possibly give him. So basically what I'm hinting at here, is that I need to be good at dating God. Which is rather intimidating, but also tingly-anticipatorily rewarding.
So I had a thought during evening prayers tonight. It went along with a question God asked me the other day and a nice little quote from CS Lewis they used at church the other week.
"Diving is great, but once you hit the water it's all about swimming." [not exact quote]
The question God asked me which I will respectfully veil, basically went, "what will it look like after you start?"
Previously I'd been focusing on whether to start or not.
Today was an interesting day. I woke up for my morning solitude which was very frustrating. Morning prayer was zombieish on my part but RJ redeemed it. Then I got into my car and almost immediately I started crying as I finally connected with God. During my first break at work I continued to re-read a short Graham Cooke book. Lots of important and pertinent truths as per usual. One thing that he talked about which is sticking out to me now is about returning to your first love of God. That you enter into His gates with thanksgiving in your heart (the theme of the week). That if you get your life focused on loving God, your love for other people will shoot up ten times as a result. And so, God's question returned to my head tonight. And I thought about the passage we'd just read. About the ways to love God it described. Because it really is a good description of being really really in love with God. Singing about him. Telling everyone about him and what he has done. It's very excited. And I thought about the fun things I've done with God in the past. Making up a shooting prayer game comes to mind. And I thought, I need to be more romantic with God. I need to come up with creative dates to go on with God. I need to write him some more songs and poetry. I need to brag about him. I need to get him stuck in my head all day long. I need to stay in a room as long as he's there, just because he's there. I need to jump at chances to spend time with him. I need to pay attention and think of meaningful special gifts I could possibly give him. So basically what I'm hinting at here, is that I need to be good at dating God. Which is rather intimidating, but also tingly-anticipatorily rewarding.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Phases I Haven't Mastered - Like Guitar Effects
So I'll get the guitar thing out of the way quickly because it's not the focus. Phaser is a guitar effect and it makes the sound go up (and down) in a wave pattern. Generally it's just for coolness - you know as opposed to most effects... Anyway, while I do have a phaser effect, I haven't played with it ever and thus it's useless to me. All of that without any significance other than that it can be representative of the, "not yet" in music for me.
The phases that have been more on my mind of late I'll attempt to describe but don't feel great confidence about doing so. I remember shifting. I remember shifting when I shot myself in the knee. I remember when the drugs wore off and I couldn't walk anymore. These were all shifts. Shifts of change. Shifts of imminent change. Change in the everyday. And I've discovered the everyday has massive influence.
So I've just finished a month of not framing. Not waking up in the morning to go make breakfast and lunch and have morning prayer. Driving to work, listening to music. Fighting my hate of being frozen and bored. Coming home to shower and chores and people.
Out of sight, out of mind. Everything but God. But that's because he's holding my right hand and never leaves me.
So the old ways and the questions disappeared, and were replaced.
I can see it because I wrote it and it haunted me: Occupied?
I was given a prophetic word early in the fall about becoming occupied with God. Exciting to be sure. A new level of being filled with the Spirit? A new level of closeness with Jesus as I give him more focus? I'd give you another one about God the Father but we'll get to that shortly and it will be better.
So on our house's whiteboard for messages I wrote out a list of to-dos because I rarely have messages to fill up the space. And there was a sickening amount of them. And in the middle with another colour I wrote a question.
And a funny thing happened in the last month. The to-dos melted away. And I have become increasingly occupied with my heavenly father (among other new awarenesses).
So I'm sitting now in a clean, organized bedroom. Cheers to RJ. I'll have to take pictures and send them to my parents so they'll know such things can happen.
And my new mission is to hang out with God everyday and let him be my Father. And I love the thought of that. Because in the last month, that's been wonderful.
But I tried to start the new phase on Thursday and failed. Oh sure, I'd been in bed on time the night before (complete with evening prayers). And I woke up early and ready to go. But when I got downstairs to hang out with God the changes all disappeared.
"Nolan Nolan, you are worried and distracted by many things."
How? They've been gone for weeks. I haven't even seen them again yet but they're all back. And they're stealing you away again! And it's worse now because all of the replacements are there now too!
And I ran out of time and went out to my car, and it didn't start.
And I went for a walk. It was minus twenty-seven or something similarly frigid. And I marched right into downtown asking for peace. For peace in this world I had returned to of confusion and stress. I stopped to look at beautiful murals - I'd never seen them before. I looked at the local arts poles stapled with events. I walked by my usual prayer recipient shops. I thought of a great many friends and prayed for them too. And eventually I returned to thaw out my nose and do work of another kind.
Friday I awoke again. And concerned that this morning prayer stuff was even more difficult than I first suspected, I decided to read the Martin Luther book on prayer Faye lent me. It was wonderful, magnificent, inspirational, insightful, and encouraging. Better yet, I finished A Simple Way To Pray in an hour. And since my throat was killing me and I felt poorly and I didn't need to go back to work before Monday, I returned to bed for a couple more hours.
Then I got to go along with Sherry and Andy to unload/sort food at JLYS. And I enjoyed every minute, well except for the blister, but it wasn't a huge deal, I just can't say it was enjoyable. I did a make-up dance class which felt great and then returned home to a delicious left-over supper of salmon and vegetables. I went out for a quiet hang-out time with friends which ended very loudly, in a bad way. So I went home and stayed up late until I had at least a hint of resolution.
Saturday came and I enjoyed a pleasantly unusual shopping excursion with the girls.
That last sentence leaves a lot to be clarified but that seems altogether too complicated to be possible.
The afternoon consisted of baking a cheesecake and two dozen muffins. This was exciting as cooking usually is with the combination of learning new things and running into snags and solving snags and getting annoyed and licking beaters and spatulas and shirts.
The evening came and I was listless but started reading another Graham Cooke book. Then it was off to the Drum & Monkey. This was fun. It was fun dancing with friends. It was fun not sitting but moving. It was fun letting music take focus.
And all of this, this felt like the last month. Relaxed. Time to do extra things. Time to walk somewhere instead of drive. Time to stop writing and bounce to a Jack Johnson song. Room in my head to think without something like a deadline dragging them all down. Painfully relaxed at points.
And today is Sunday. My boss flies back from Mexico today. And I will call him. And tomorrow will bring back that old phase. Only it's not the same. But it's scary.
So let the condemned eat a hearty meal, like cheesecake.
Let them give thanks well.
For our God gave us cheesecake, and was kind enough to shoot us in the knee.
And he's still holding our hand.
The phases that have been more on my mind of late I'll attempt to describe but don't feel great confidence about doing so. I remember shifting. I remember shifting when I shot myself in the knee. I remember when the drugs wore off and I couldn't walk anymore. These were all shifts. Shifts of change. Shifts of imminent change. Change in the everyday. And I've discovered the everyday has massive influence.
So I've just finished a month of not framing. Not waking up in the morning to go make breakfast and lunch and have morning prayer. Driving to work, listening to music. Fighting my hate of being frozen and bored. Coming home to shower and chores and people.
Out of sight, out of mind. Everything but God. But that's because he's holding my right hand and never leaves me.
So the old ways and the questions disappeared, and were replaced.
I can see it because I wrote it and it haunted me: Occupied?
I was given a prophetic word early in the fall about becoming occupied with God. Exciting to be sure. A new level of being filled with the Spirit? A new level of closeness with Jesus as I give him more focus? I'd give you another one about God the Father but we'll get to that shortly and it will be better.
So on our house's whiteboard for messages I wrote out a list of to-dos because I rarely have messages to fill up the space. And there was a sickening amount of them. And in the middle with another colour I wrote a question.
And a funny thing happened in the last month. The to-dos melted away. And I have become increasingly occupied with my heavenly father (among other new awarenesses).
So I'm sitting now in a clean, organized bedroom. Cheers to RJ. I'll have to take pictures and send them to my parents so they'll know such things can happen.
And my new mission is to hang out with God everyday and let him be my Father. And I love the thought of that. Because in the last month, that's been wonderful.
But I tried to start the new phase on Thursday and failed. Oh sure, I'd been in bed on time the night before (complete with evening prayers). And I woke up early and ready to go. But when I got downstairs to hang out with God the changes all disappeared.
"Nolan Nolan, you are worried and distracted by many things."
How? They've been gone for weeks. I haven't even seen them again yet but they're all back. And they're stealing you away again! And it's worse now because all of the replacements are there now too!
And I ran out of time and went out to my car, and it didn't start.
And I went for a walk. It was minus twenty-seven or something similarly frigid. And I marched right into downtown asking for peace. For peace in this world I had returned to of confusion and stress. I stopped to look at beautiful murals - I'd never seen them before. I looked at the local arts poles stapled with events. I walked by my usual prayer recipient shops. I thought of a great many friends and prayed for them too. And eventually I returned to thaw out my nose and do work of another kind.
Friday I awoke again. And concerned that this morning prayer stuff was even more difficult than I first suspected, I decided to read the Martin Luther book on prayer Faye lent me. It was wonderful, magnificent, inspirational, insightful, and encouraging. Better yet, I finished A Simple Way To Pray in an hour. And since my throat was killing me and I felt poorly and I didn't need to go back to work before Monday, I returned to bed for a couple more hours.
Then I got to go along with Sherry and Andy to unload/sort food at JLYS. And I enjoyed every minute, well except for the blister, but it wasn't a huge deal, I just can't say it was enjoyable. I did a make-up dance class which felt great and then returned home to a delicious left-over supper of salmon and vegetables. I went out for a quiet hang-out time with friends which ended very loudly, in a bad way. So I went home and stayed up late until I had at least a hint of resolution.
Saturday came and I enjoyed a pleasantly unusual shopping excursion with the girls.
That last sentence leaves a lot to be clarified but that seems altogether too complicated to be possible.
The afternoon consisted of baking a cheesecake and two dozen muffins. This was exciting as cooking usually is with the combination of learning new things and running into snags and solving snags and getting annoyed and licking beaters and spatulas and shirts.
The evening came and I was listless but started reading another Graham Cooke book. Then it was off to the Drum & Monkey. This was fun. It was fun dancing with friends. It was fun not sitting but moving. It was fun letting music take focus.
And all of this, this felt like the last month. Relaxed. Time to do extra things. Time to walk somewhere instead of drive. Time to stop writing and bounce to a Jack Johnson song. Room in my head to think without something like a deadline dragging them all down. Painfully relaxed at points.
And today is Sunday. My boss flies back from Mexico today. And I will call him. And tomorrow will bring back that old phase. Only it's not the same. But it's scary.
So let the condemned eat a hearty meal, like cheesecake.
Let them give thanks well.
For our God gave us cheesecake, and was kind enough to shoot us in the knee.
And he's still holding our hand.
Monday, January 08, 2007
Gone Gone Is The Former, "Mine"
Well, it's been an incredibly long winter break for me. This is the fourth week. And I have to say, after I slept over at my parents' house a few days I adjusted remarkably. Since then it's been very 'Nolan on break'. I loved going out to Radium Hot Springs (the town is called that, I only went to the springs one day) for a week with Andy, his parents, and RJ (until Wednesday). It worked wonders for the recovery of my knee to soak it in Hot Tubs everyday and give it exercise. It also was great to bring back Morning & Evening Prayers. In the midst of that I read Beholding & Becoming by Graham Cooke.
The premise of the book comes from the story of Mary & Martha. You, like Mary, are to sit and behold Jesus. As with most (if not all) of Graham's short books, it has exercizes to do at the end. The first was a Lament, which while very important, I could not participate in at this time, since I have nothing to lament. The second was about restoring / reconciling relationships, and based on Ephesians (what a co-incidence since God impressed me to meditate on Ephesians). This one blew my mind as I realized God had already done everything in the exercize and I just need to finish it off with a phone call this week. Last we had Lectio Divina, an ancient prayer meditation method, which I have been dying to get Faye to help me with. Don't worry Faye, I'd still love to do this with you, but I've practiced a couple times now.
I read Psalm 46 ten times over the course of two and half hours. And I had these helpful stages of contemplation (here is where I plaigarize Graham Cooke [again] in the hopes that you will go buy his books, because they're great!):
1. Find a place of stillness before God. Embrace His peace. Calm your body, breathe slowly ... clear your mind of the distractions of life. Ask God to reveal His rest to you. Whisper the word, "Stillness." This can take some time, but once you're in that place of rest, enjoy it. Worship God out of it.
2. Read the passage twice, slowly.
a. Allow its words to become familiar to you, and sink into your spirit. Picture the scene - become part of it. Listen for pieces that catch your attention.
b. Following the reading, meditate upon what you have heard. What stands out? Write it down.
c. If a word or phrase from the passage seems highlighted to you, write it down.
3. Read the passage twice, again.
a. Like waves crashing onto a shore, let the words of the Scripture crash onto your spirit. What are you discerning? What are you hearing? What are you feeling? Write it down.
b. What is the theme of this passage? Write it down.
c. Does this passage rekindle any memories or experiences? Write it down.
d. What is the Holy Spirit saying to you? Write it down.
4. Read the passage two final times.
a. Meditate on it.
b. Is there something God wants you to do with this passage? Is there something He is calling you to? Write it down.
c. Pray silently. Tell God what this Scripture is leading you to think about. Ask Him for His thoughts. Write down your conversation - as if you and God are sitting in a coffee shop, two old and dear friends, sharing.
5. Pray and thank God for what He has shared with you. Come back to the passage a few more times over the coming weeks.
Yeah this is amazing. Sure reading the book before you engage in this stuff is awesome but I suspect God is a little bit too eager to hang out with you and will balance things out. So if you'd like to do Psalm 46, I'll post it, and otherwise, go right ahead and enjoy some of your favourite passages again, only different.
A very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear,
Even though the earth be removed,
And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
3 Though its waters roar and be troubled,
Though the mountains shake with its swelling. Selah
4 There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God,
The holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High.
5 God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved;
God shall help her, just at the break of dawn.
6 The nations raged, the kingdoms were moved;
He uttered His voice, the earth melted.
7 The LORD of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah
8 Come, behold the works of the LORD,
Who has made desolations in the earth.
9 He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two;
He burns the chariot in the fire.
10 Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!
11 The LORD of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah
The premise of the book comes from the story of Mary & Martha. You, like Mary, are to sit and behold Jesus. As with most (if not all) of Graham's short books, it has exercizes to do at the end. The first was a Lament, which while very important, I could not participate in at this time, since I have nothing to lament. The second was about restoring / reconciling relationships, and based on Ephesians (what a co-incidence since God impressed me to meditate on Ephesians). This one blew my mind as I realized God had already done everything in the exercize and I just need to finish it off with a phone call this week. Last we had Lectio Divina, an ancient prayer meditation method, which I have been dying to get Faye to help me with. Don't worry Faye, I'd still love to do this with you, but I've practiced a couple times now.
I read Psalm 46 ten times over the course of two and half hours. And I had these helpful stages of contemplation (here is where I plaigarize Graham Cooke [again] in the hopes that you will go buy his books, because they're great!):
1. Find a place of stillness before God. Embrace His peace. Calm your body, breathe slowly ... clear your mind of the distractions of life. Ask God to reveal His rest to you. Whisper the word, "Stillness." This can take some time, but once you're in that place of rest, enjoy it. Worship God out of it.
2. Read the passage twice, slowly.
a. Allow its words to become familiar to you, and sink into your spirit. Picture the scene - become part of it. Listen for pieces that catch your attention.
b. Following the reading, meditate upon what you have heard. What stands out? Write it down.
c. If a word or phrase from the passage seems highlighted to you, write it down.
3. Read the passage twice, again.
a. Like waves crashing onto a shore, let the words of the Scripture crash onto your spirit. What are you discerning? What are you hearing? What are you feeling? Write it down.
b. What is the theme of this passage? Write it down.
c. Does this passage rekindle any memories or experiences? Write it down.
d. What is the Holy Spirit saying to you? Write it down.
4. Read the passage two final times.
a. Meditate on it.
b. Is there something God wants you to do with this passage? Is there something He is calling you to? Write it down.
c. Pray silently. Tell God what this Scripture is leading you to think about. Ask Him for His thoughts. Write down your conversation - as if you and God are sitting in a coffee shop, two old and dear friends, sharing.
5. Pray and thank God for what He has shared with you. Come back to the passage a few more times over the coming weeks.
Yeah this is amazing. Sure reading the book before you engage in this stuff is awesome but I suspect God is a little bit too eager to hang out with you and will balance things out. So if you'd like to do Psalm 46, I'll post it, and otherwise, go right ahead and enjoy some of your favourite passages again, only different.
Psalm 46
To the Chief Musician. A Psalm of the sons of Korah. A Song for Alamoth.
1 God is our refuge and strength,A very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear,
Even though the earth be removed,
And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
3 Though its waters roar and be troubled,
Though the mountains shake with its swelling. Selah
4 There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God,
The holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High.
5 God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved;
God shall help her, just at the break of dawn.
6 The nations raged, the kingdoms were moved;
He uttered His voice, the earth melted.
7 The LORD of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah
8 Come, behold the works of the LORD,
Who has made desolations in the earth.
9 He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two;
He burns the chariot in the fire.
10 Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!
11 The LORD of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Christmas and as Kirk has titled, "hints."
Merry Christmas everyone. May God bless you even once more on top of all his others. I am greatly enjoying my time with my family. I hope you are as well.
But that's not why I am compelled to write today. Today while having a splendid visit with my Grandparents, the conversation took a turn that shook me. My Grandma was telling the story of my Grandfather's sister, and even though it was sad, it was hers, and I cherished being able to hear it. She was bi-polar or manic-depressive, and having studied the illness myself, I had a great deal of compassion through it. At the end my Grandma was relating how she couldn't understand why her friends had deserted Lois (my Grandpa's sister). Why in this day and age, people still couldn't understand mental illness. And then my Mom related how hard it has been for friends of hers (and my Dad's).
And my heart broke. And stayed broken.
I know them. I don't know them well. They go to my parents' church. But they've been over to my parents' house, and I've played music at the church with her.
But one of their daughters hears voices. And sees people. And they tell her to do bad things.
And they've been to see psychologists and one of them said it was demonic. And they've had the pastors over to pray at the house.
And they can't sleep at night because she screams the whole time. So the Mom started home-schooling to try and work around that.
And they went on a purging of anything that could possibly be evil in the house and stopped celebrating Christmas because it has pagan origins.
And they're not crazy. They're really nice. They both became Christians after they were married.
But now they've put the house up for sale, because maybe that's it.
And I couldn't bear it.
Because God is God.
Jesus loves them.
Jesus is all powerful.
He has all authority and has given it to us.
This cannot be.
Let me go right now. Let me listen to them so I can cry with them.
Let me pray and ask God if it's an evil spirit or not.
If not then great, should we pray for healing, or should we see a doctor?
If yes, then Holy Spirit lead the way. What are we praying about next?
But I can't do nothing.
Because they can't sell their house.
They can't live in hopelessness. They can't live in fear.
I know Jesus. I know him.
I know why my heart broke and wouldn't mend.
And on the drive home from Didsbury I read and read and cried and prayed.
Ephesians was especially close.
I'll highlight some passages but really the whole thing was amazing.
1:19 I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe him. This is the same mighty power 20 that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honor at God’s right hand in the heavenly realms. 21 Now he is far above any ruler or authority or power or leader or anything else—not only in this world but also in the world to come. 22 God has put all things under the authority of Christ and has made him head over all things for the benefit of the church. 23 And the church is his body; it is made full and complete by Christ, who fills all things everywhere with himself.
3:8 Though I am the least deserving of all God’s people, he graciously gave me the privilege of telling the Gentiles about the endless treasures available to them in Christ. 9 I was chosen to explain to everyone[c] this mysterious plan that God, the Creator of all things, had kept secret from the beginning.10 God’s purpose in all this was to use the church to display his wisdom in its rich variety to all the unseen rulers and authorities in the heavenly places. 11 This was his eternal plan, which he carried out through Christ Jesus our Lord.
4:11 Now these are the gifts Christ gave to the church: the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, and the pastors and teachers. 12 Their responsibility is to equip God’s people to do his work and build up the church, the body of Christ. 13 This will continue until we all come to such unity in our faith and knowledge of God’s Son that we will be mature in the Lord, measuring up to the full and complete standard of Christ.
But that's not why I am compelled to write today. Today while having a splendid visit with my Grandparents, the conversation took a turn that shook me. My Grandma was telling the story of my Grandfather's sister, and even though it was sad, it was hers, and I cherished being able to hear it. She was bi-polar or manic-depressive, and having studied the illness myself, I had a great deal of compassion through it. At the end my Grandma was relating how she couldn't understand why her friends had deserted Lois (my Grandpa's sister). Why in this day and age, people still couldn't understand mental illness. And then my Mom related how hard it has been for friends of hers (and my Dad's).
And my heart broke. And stayed broken.
I know them. I don't know them well. They go to my parents' church. But they've been over to my parents' house, and I've played music at the church with her.
But one of their daughters hears voices. And sees people. And they tell her to do bad things.
And they've been to see psychologists and one of them said it was demonic. And they've had the pastors over to pray at the house.
And they can't sleep at night because she screams the whole time. So the Mom started home-schooling to try and work around that.
And they went on a purging of anything that could possibly be evil in the house and stopped celebrating Christmas because it has pagan origins.
And they're not crazy. They're really nice. They both became Christians after they were married.
But now they've put the house up for sale, because maybe that's it.
And I couldn't bear it.
Because God is God.
Jesus loves them.
Jesus is all powerful.
He has all authority and has given it to us.
This cannot be.
Let me go right now. Let me listen to them so I can cry with them.
Let me pray and ask God if it's an evil spirit or not.
If not then great, should we pray for healing, or should we see a doctor?
If yes, then Holy Spirit lead the way. What are we praying about next?
But I can't do nothing.
Because they can't sell their house.
They can't live in hopelessness. They can't live in fear.
I know Jesus. I know him.
I know why my heart broke and wouldn't mend.
And on the drive home from Didsbury I read and read and cried and prayed.
Ephesians was especially close.
I'll highlight some passages but really the whole thing was amazing.
1:19 I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe him. This is the same mighty power 20 that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honor at God’s right hand in the heavenly realms. 21 Now he is far above any ruler or authority or power or leader or anything else—not only in this world but also in the world to come. 22 God has put all things under the authority of Christ and has made him head over all things for the benefit of the church. 23 And the church is his body; it is made full and complete by Christ, who fills all things everywhere with himself.
3:8 Though I am the least deserving of all God’s people, he graciously gave me the privilege of telling the Gentiles about the endless treasures available to them in Christ. 9 I was chosen to explain to everyone[c] this mysterious plan that God, the Creator of all things, had kept secret from the beginning.10 God’s purpose in all this was to use the church to display his wisdom in its rich variety to all the unseen rulers and authorities in the heavenly places. 11 This was his eternal plan, which he carried out through Christ Jesus our Lord.
12 Because of Christ and our faith in him,[d] we can now come boldly and confidently into God’s presence. 13 So please don’t lose heart because of my trials here. I am suffering for you, so you should feel honored.
14 When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father,[e] 15 the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth.[f] 16 I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. 17 Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. 18 And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. 19 May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.
20 Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. 21 Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.4:11 Now these are the gifts Christ gave to the church: the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, and the pastors and teachers. 12 Their responsibility is to equip God’s people to do his work and build up the church, the body of Christ. 13 This will continue until we all come to such unity in our faith and knowledge of God’s Son that we will be mature in the Lord, measuring up to the full and complete standard of Christ.
14 Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth. 15 Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. 16 He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.
6: 10 A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. 12 For we[c] are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.13 Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. 14 Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. 15 For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared.[d] 16 In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil.[e] 17 Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)