Becoming strong: I did go rock-climbing with Sherry, Ian and Zachary once this fall, in the rain no less. And I went running, yes actual running where your lungs ignite, with Jason once. It was followed by four very long sets of planks (yes I'm as strong as my girls' soccer team workout training goal from 8 years ago!) and some drop-dead from exhaustion really quick faux-cycling ab decimation. Oh right but that was just once.
Remembering how to pray: Failing marvelously. I read Too Busy Not To Pray by [Bill Hybels perhaps?], back in the summer and listened to a number of good sermons by Billings Vineyard. Anyway, both inspired and assisted me in praying more, for a little while... Having my Mom decline with cancer was also motivating to pray, even having her die led me to step out in praying for her to rise from the dead with more faith than I have ever had before. She didn't rise though, but that's not why my praying has dropped off. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I'm 'too busy'. Let's come back to this later.
Listening for and to God each day: As marvelous as above.
Becoming handy, creative and constructive: I was contemplating life while driving home late a few weeks ago after a Cohousing meeting and I decided that I am addicted to complexity. This addiction has gotten me into debt, both literally, and in amounts of obligatory work I am buried beneath. I am painfully, and expensively, and slowly gaining skill and experience, probably depression more than confidence, and my artistic envisioning side is bruised but very alive. A better approach might have been to switch careers and learn these things with other people, while getting paid, but that was taking too long and would have been too easy, which wouldn't allow me to indulge in my addiction.
Being social: Not enough to feel alive. I still say yes to things, because otherwise I might disappear, so I went to Connor's birthday party, and went to our neighbour's son's birthday party, and a coming home party for our neighbour's parents. But it's probably a bad sign when I start thinking things like, what's the big deal with death any way? So many people in my life might as well be dead for how much I see them (do you see the selfish patterns of the world revolving around me in this thought?) I still measure friends by how many phone calls and subsequent visits I get, and that means I have close to none. Instead of calling people on my own, I put in 9-10 hour days at school trying for perfection, come home and deal with home renos badly in the no-remaining daylight and cold, and try to pitch in with cooking, or at least making breakfast plus smoothies for my pregnant wife. How could my artistic side ever wane when God does awesome art like babies inside women?
Scripture speaking: It has. It's just hard to remember because my Mom died one month ago today, and it's been quiet since.
I remember telling Sherry and Andy that it was incredible how much support our family had with my Mom. But I remember last year when Trevor's Mom died, I just called him and came over to be there. So I helped sort through photos for a slideshow and got to give Trevor a hug of course. I got lots of emails saying, if you need anything let us know. Which is nice, but not what I needed. I needed people calling and coming over. So Andy took me out mini-golfing and bought me lunch. Nice huh? At my Mom's funeral, after the service, the family walked around the building to avoid the crowds and had first dibs at the snacks, which is all very perfunctory but I skipped the snacks and went straight back for the crowds, and skipped hand shakes and gave everyone hugs.
With renos practically going backwards and no offers of help except from my Dad now and then, I feel like quitting Cohousing, which feels like betrayal to me. I don't have time or energy for it now, but I like those people and Cohousing itself is a solution for so much of what's wrong with me right now.
I'm wait-listed for back-to-back school terms. I'm 5th in line and apparently that means I have a reasonable chance of getting in as a result of people over-spending during Christmas and dropping out to work it off. I'm not sure I necessarily care either way. If I can find some work doing finishing for those two months I'd make some money and learn something new and have a bit of a schedule switch which is always refreshing.
OK back to work. I must go cut a hole in my ceiling so that I can access the piping to my hose-bib (outdoor faucet), which while extending to prep for adding the foam, I snapped off. So stupid. My Dad called a plumber who he used to work with at Nortel who said he'd come by and look at it if I cut a hole in my ceiling. I had to snap it off though. Otherwise it would have been less complicated. I just can't get enough.
