Hello, Control

I don't know why you say good bye I say hello.


The Beatles and Brandtson - how do you like that? A picture most of you won't recognize to describe how little control I seem to have of late. So little that it's more memorable to say hello.

It has been odd not writing the last while. I continue to live through events and ponderings that I would have wrote about, except. Except I don't have firm internet access for the time being, except I've been too occupied living through events to record them. Don't misunderstand, these aren't momentous events, they come and are gone.

Luke 6. Woe to me, for I am rich. Now what do I do?

The dishonest tax collector and the pharisee. I read it again and again one morning this week until the only thing I could pray was crying "God have mercy."

And I've been praying, but the prayers look different.
I started off praying for my housemates and other friends through the day at work.
Today and yesterday I was trying to calm down whilst driving by praying only to cut myself off with my wicked tongue lashing out viciously at other drivers.

Kryptonites.

Driving in heavy traffic. There were a couple days where I some how flukishly made it home quickly and foolishly hoped they might be normal.

I've almost worked in the same job 2 years. The itch kicks in right about now. Sadly no end is in sight. No, instead I feel Jesus pointing my spirit to the story of Jacob working 7 years, then another 7 years, then another 6. And if you pay attention, it starts off as 7 years being as nothing because of his love; it ends with the honesty of cold dreary shepherding nights, and rotten integrity from his boss who happens to be his father-in-law. Tips? Don't marry twice. Don't continue to work with family if it's creating bitterness. More thoughts? God cherishes people. Kyle is one of those people. I can continue to freeze fingers and rather they were holding a guitar if it means Kyle will be saved. Or I could rejoice and persevere until Kyle is saved...
Besides I don't feel ready. It's fun in a twisted sort of way to pray for Andrea during this time of her life. She wrote a song the other day. I thought that was awesome. She's playing twice this weekend in Canmore. Also awesome.
It's like romance I suppose. I don't feel ready for that either. Most of the time I never even have to think about it, but then hints of attraction will come along from someone or another and I'll realize the thought of dating someone is altogether terrifying.

I was driving home from rain gear shopping with my Dad at UFA when I made some joking comment about organizational freak first-borns.
"But you're not like that," he said with a look I'm trying to define but can't, it's one of his, and I know what it means, but I can't describe it.
It was neat hearing that from him. No I suppose for the most part I'm not, I've been exposed to too much psychotherapy stuff and have set about balancing myself for years and years. So I'd never be accused of being an organizational freak. Maybe just the freak part some days but that's not the point. I was getting around to saying that the organization needs still hit me, they're just slow in coming. But they've been nibbling at me, and I'm starting to fray.
All will be well though. Rhythms will come.

My funk dance class has begun. It is sweet. We'll have to see if the intro level is too slow for me, but it shouldn't matter too much; I can practice at home and maybe Jenn will give me some more moves I don't learn. Trivially, I was amused that Jasmine is in my class. I have no baggage left from her, I've had final closure for a long while. It would just be odd to start a conversation with her. And so I laughed in my head.

Faye is having an incredibly cool birthday party. That's because Faye is very cool. If you don't know her I suppose you still have a little time to befriend her before her party. She's poor so I suppose you could buy your way into it too by donating to the Faye still has 7 years of school left fund.

I dream of having cool parties, but that seems very far away right now.

I can't believe my leg isn't totally back to normal yet! My right leg that is, not the left one that I scraped up. I got a whopping charlie horse on Sunday morning while at the Harvest Moon Fest (which rocked). You would have felt so sorry for me Sunday night when I was all crippled and had to sit around during the MxPx. Sorry, you don't know me very well if you believed that. First of all you shouldn't feel sorry for someone who gets injured smashing into people in pits. Second of all, 30 seconds into MxPx I realized I couldn't sit around while they were playing so I hopped down to the pit and got right back in very enthusiastically and set about very competitively to be entirely exhuberant and pretend my leg was fine.

The Myriad were awesome live.

I got hit in the forehead with a Riley Armstrong DVD! Sweetness! He was so enjoyable. I appreciate him now because I'm old enough to be entertained like a little kid. Some day after I'm done being a full-fledged rock star I'll retire and begin aspiring to be the much more mature 'entertainer'. I'm honestly blown away by people who are so good at this. Rik Leif for example. They're like Mr. Dressup for adults. We just stand there with smiles on our faces we can't erase.
And apparently I was appreciative enough of Karla and Caleb that they were excited when Faye called me to invite me to come to the house concert they played on... Tuesday? or Wednesday? I don't remember. I've been wishing this week to end every day.
I got 7 1/2 hours of sleep last night and still woke up a zombie. It wasn't encouraging.

Well so long, I should return to Scarborough, and sleep in and not get to the market like I wanted, and instead go to some sort of art function involving Paul in Canmore followed by a party at their house. And it's about time for a party at their house, or any occasion to see them really.

PS - if you go to the very beginning of your FM dial, 83.1 or something like that, you will hear the Aboriginal Network Radio station. It's still in testing phase but you will hear global aboriginal music, and I have to say, it's pretty sweet. If you listen with Shay, he can accurately guess what region the music came from too!

So Goodbye Whitehorn, not Texas, Whitehorn

On Wednesday, I took my dog for a walk. I was so happy to be walking again that I wanted to celebrate so that's what I did after work. I hadn't intended anything more than just a regular walk, but as I got started I began thinking. Probably because my parents had prayed over me on Monday, I happened to think about leaving Whitehorn after all these years. So I decided to pray through Whitehorn a blessing as I part ways. I went to Whitehorn Drive, which is the street I did my prayer walks for a long time. Once I started on it, I couldn't stop. I had to do my old customary: 7 times, back and forth. It was deliciously grand. More delicious than the icecream sundae I'd made myself before I left.

It was like old times. God would give me prayers. I would smile and pray them. I sang several old worship songs, blessed all passers-by. And I thought about how Jesus is the shepherd and the sheep know his voice. Shepherds don't talk to their sheep. They make odd clicking noises and such. It reminded me that God, for whatever reason, chooses to speak in certain ways more often than others, and in various ways for different people. For some reason, it seems easier to listen while on prayer walks. Especially intercessory ones, where I try to maintain unselfish prayers, and instead focus on praying for the people living on that street.
So I became excited at the thought of going on prayer walks in a new community. It's a much smaller community and so it may in fact be easier to pray for the whole thing.
The thought of doing it with other people seemed a little bit daunting. When I'm by myself, I don't have to explain, I don't have to accomodate, I don't have to listen to other people. It's very relaxing.
Yet the thought of praying with other people is also exciting. Why? Because I love hanging out with other people. Having other people is very productful. Everyone has different personalities and outlooks and gifts and there's a splendid fullness to it.
I do like the quietness of prayer walks though. Perhaps it might be better suited to pairs of people.