Pr pr pr pr profesh-tional!
So I had a thought during evening prayers tonight. It went along with a question God asked me the other day and a nice little quote from CS Lewis they used at church the other week.
"Diving is great, but once you hit the water it's all about swimming." [not exact quote]
The question God asked me which I will respectfully veil, basically went, "what will it look like after you start?"
Previously I'd been focusing on whether to start or not.
Today was an interesting day. I woke up for my morning solitude which was very frustrating. Morning prayer was zombieish on my part but RJ redeemed it. Then I got into my car and almost immediately I started crying as I finally connected with God. During my first break at work I continued to re-read a short Graham Cooke book. Lots of important and pertinent truths as per usual. One thing that he talked about which is sticking out to me now is about returning to your first love of God. That you enter into His gates with thanksgiving in your heart (the theme of the week). That if you get your life focused on loving God, your love for other people will shoot up ten times as a result. And so, God's question returned to my head tonight. And I thought about the passage we'd just read. About the ways to love God it described. Because it really is a good description of being really really in love with God. Singing about him. Telling everyone about him and what he has done. It's very excited. And I thought about the fun things I've done with God in the past. Making up a shooting prayer game comes to mind. And I thought, I need to be more romantic with God. I need to come up with creative dates to go on with God. I need to write him some more songs and poetry. I need to brag about him. I need to get him stuck in my head all day long. I need to stay in a room as long as he's there, just because he's there. I need to jump at chances to spend time with him. I need to pay attention and think of meaningful special gifts I could possibly give him. So basically what I'm hinting at here, is that I need to be good at dating God. Which is rather intimidating, but also tingly-anticipatorily rewarding.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Phases I Haven't Mastered - Like Guitar Effects
So I'll get the guitar thing out of the way quickly because it's not the focus. Phaser is a guitar effect and it makes the sound go up (and down) in a wave pattern. Generally it's just for coolness - you know as opposed to most effects... Anyway, while I do have a phaser effect, I haven't played with it ever and thus it's useless to me. All of that without any significance other than that it can be representative of the, "not yet" in music for me.
The phases that have been more on my mind of late I'll attempt to describe but don't feel great confidence about doing so. I remember shifting. I remember shifting when I shot myself in the knee. I remember when the drugs wore off and I couldn't walk anymore. These were all shifts. Shifts of change. Shifts of imminent change. Change in the everyday. And I've discovered the everyday has massive influence.
So I've just finished a month of not framing. Not waking up in the morning to go make breakfast and lunch and have morning prayer. Driving to work, listening to music. Fighting my hate of being frozen and bored. Coming home to shower and chores and people.
Out of sight, out of mind. Everything but God. But that's because he's holding my right hand and never leaves me.
So the old ways and the questions disappeared, and were replaced.
I can see it because I wrote it and it haunted me: Occupied?
I was given a prophetic word early in the fall about becoming occupied with God. Exciting to be sure. A new level of being filled with the Spirit? A new level of closeness with Jesus as I give him more focus? I'd give you another one about God the Father but we'll get to that shortly and it will be better.
So on our house's whiteboard for messages I wrote out a list of to-dos because I rarely have messages to fill up the space. And there was a sickening amount of them. And in the middle with another colour I wrote a question.
And a funny thing happened in the last month. The to-dos melted away. And I have become increasingly occupied with my heavenly father (among other new awarenesses).
So I'm sitting now in a clean, organized bedroom. Cheers to RJ. I'll have to take pictures and send them to my parents so they'll know such things can happen.
And my new mission is to hang out with God everyday and let him be my Father. And I love the thought of that. Because in the last month, that's been wonderful.
But I tried to start the new phase on Thursday and failed. Oh sure, I'd been in bed on time the night before (complete with evening prayers). And I woke up early and ready to go. But when I got downstairs to hang out with God the changes all disappeared.
"Nolan Nolan, you are worried and distracted by many things."
How? They've been gone for weeks. I haven't even seen them again yet but they're all back. And they're stealing you away again! And it's worse now because all of the replacements are there now too!
And I ran out of time and went out to my car, and it didn't start.
And I went for a walk. It was minus twenty-seven or something similarly frigid. And I marched right into downtown asking for peace. For peace in this world I had returned to of confusion and stress. I stopped to look at beautiful murals - I'd never seen them before. I looked at the local arts poles stapled with events. I walked by my usual prayer recipient shops. I thought of a great many friends and prayed for them too. And eventually I returned to thaw out my nose and do work of another kind.
Friday I awoke again. And concerned that this morning prayer stuff was even more difficult than I first suspected, I decided to read the Martin Luther book on prayer Faye lent me. It was wonderful, magnificent, inspirational, insightful, and encouraging. Better yet, I finished A Simple Way To Pray in an hour. And since my throat was killing me and I felt poorly and I didn't need to go back to work before Monday, I returned to bed for a couple more hours.
Then I got to go along with Sherry and Andy to unload/sort food at JLYS. And I enjoyed every minute, well except for the blister, but it wasn't a huge deal, I just can't say it was enjoyable. I did a make-up dance class which felt great and then returned home to a delicious left-over supper of salmon and vegetables. I went out for a quiet hang-out time with friends which ended very loudly, in a bad way. So I went home and stayed up late until I had at least a hint of resolution.
Saturday came and I enjoyed a pleasantly unusual shopping excursion with the girls.
That last sentence leaves a lot to be clarified but that seems altogether too complicated to be possible.
The afternoon consisted of baking a cheesecake and two dozen muffins. This was exciting as cooking usually is with the combination of learning new things and running into snags and solving snags and getting annoyed and licking beaters and spatulas and shirts.
The evening came and I was listless but started reading another Graham Cooke book. Then it was off to the Drum & Monkey. This was fun. It was fun dancing with friends. It was fun not sitting but moving. It was fun letting music take focus.
And all of this, this felt like the last month. Relaxed. Time to do extra things. Time to walk somewhere instead of drive. Time to stop writing and bounce to a Jack Johnson song. Room in my head to think without something like a deadline dragging them all down. Painfully relaxed at points.
And today is Sunday. My boss flies back from Mexico today. And I will call him. And tomorrow will bring back that old phase. Only it's not the same. But it's scary.
So let the condemned eat a hearty meal, like cheesecake.
Let them give thanks well.
For our God gave us cheesecake, and was kind enough to shoot us in the knee.
And he's still holding our hand.
The phases that have been more on my mind of late I'll attempt to describe but don't feel great confidence about doing so. I remember shifting. I remember shifting when I shot myself in the knee. I remember when the drugs wore off and I couldn't walk anymore. These were all shifts. Shifts of change. Shifts of imminent change. Change in the everyday. And I've discovered the everyday has massive influence.
So I've just finished a month of not framing. Not waking up in the morning to go make breakfast and lunch and have morning prayer. Driving to work, listening to music. Fighting my hate of being frozen and bored. Coming home to shower and chores and people.
Out of sight, out of mind. Everything but God. But that's because he's holding my right hand and never leaves me.
So the old ways and the questions disappeared, and were replaced.
I can see it because I wrote it and it haunted me: Occupied?
I was given a prophetic word early in the fall about becoming occupied with God. Exciting to be sure. A new level of being filled with the Spirit? A new level of closeness with Jesus as I give him more focus? I'd give you another one about God the Father but we'll get to that shortly and it will be better.
So on our house's whiteboard for messages I wrote out a list of to-dos because I rarely have messages to fill up the space. And there was a sickening amount of them. And in the middle with another colour I wrote a question.
And a funny thing happened in the last month. The to-dos melted away. And I have become increasingly occupied with my heavenly father (among other new awarenesses).
So I'm sitting now in a clean, organized bedroom. Cheers to RJ. I'll have to take pictures and send them to my parents so they'll know such things can happen.
And my new mission is to hang out with God everyday and let him be my Father. And I love the thought of that. Because in the last month, that's been wonderful.
But I tried to start the new phase on Thursday and failed. Oh sure, I'd been in bed on time the night before (complete with evening prayers). And I woke up early and ready to go. But when I got downstairs to hang out with God the changes all disappeared.
"Nolan Nolan, you are worried and distracted by many things."
How? They've been gone for weeks. I haven't even seen them again yet but they're all back. And they're stealing you away again! And it's worse now because all of the replacements are there now too!
And I ran out of time and went out to my car, and it didn't start.
And I went for a walk. It was minus twenty-seven or something similarly frigid. And I marched right into downtown asking for peace. For peace in this world I had returned to of confusion and stress. I stopped to look at beautiful murals - I'd never seen them before. I looked at the local arts poles stapled with events. I walked by my usual prayer recipient shops. I thought of a great many friends and prayed for them too. And eventually I returned to thaw out my nose and do work of another kind.
Friday I awoke again. And concerned that this morning prayer stuff was even more difficult than I first suspected, I decided to read the Martin Luther book on prayer Faye lent me. It was wonderful, magnificent, inspirational, insightful, and encouraging. Better yet, I finished A Simple Way To Pray in an hour. And since my throat was killing me and I felt poorly and I didn't need to go back to work before Monday, I returned to bed for a couple more hours.
Then I got to go along with Sherry and Andy to unload/sort food at JLYS. And I enjoyed every minute, well except for the blister, but it wasn't a huge deal, I just can't say it was enjoyable. I did a make-up dance class which felt great and then returned home to a delicious left-over supper of salmon and vegetables. I went out for a quiet hang-out time with friends which ended very loudly, in a bad way. So I went home and stayed up late until I had at least a hint of resolution.
Saturday came and I enjoyed a pleasantly unusual shopping excursion with the girls.
That last sentence leaves a lot to be clarified but that seems altogether too complicated to be possible.
The afternoon consisted of baking a cheesecake and two dozen muffins. This was exciting as cooking usually is with the combination of learning new things and running into snags and solving snags and getting annoyed and licking beaters and spatulas and shirts.
The evening came and I was listless but started reading another Graham Cooke book. Then it was off to the Drum & Monkey. This was fun. It was fun dancing with friends. It was fun not sitting but moving. It was fun letting music take focus.
And all of this, this felt like the last month. Relaxed. Time to do extra things. Time to walk somewhere instead of drive. Time to stop writing and bounce to a Jack Johnson song. Room in my head to think without something like a deadline dragging them all down. Painfully relaxed at points.
And today is Sunday. My boss flies back from Mexico today. And I will call him. And tomorrow will bring back that old phase. Only it's not the same. But it's scary.
So let the condemned eat a hearty meal, like cheesecake.
Let them give thanks well.
For our God gave us cheesecake, and was kind enough to shoot us in the knee.
And he's still holding our hand.
Monday, January 08, 2007
Gone Gone Is The Former, "Mine"
Well, it's been an incredibly long winter break for me. This is the fourth week. And I have to say, after I slept over at my parents' house a few days I adjusted remarkably. Since then it's been very 'Nolan on break'. I loved going out to Radium Hot Springs (the town is called that, I only went to the springs one day) for a week with Andy, his parents, and RJ (until Wednesday). It worked wonders for the recovery of my knee to soak it in Hot Tubs everyday and give it exercise. It also was great to bring back Morning & Evening Prayers. In the midst of that I read Beholding & Becoming by Graham Cooke.
The premise of the book comes from the story of Mary & Martha. You, like Mary, are to sit and behold Jesus. As with most (if not all) of Graham's short books, it has exercizes to do at the end. The first was a Lament, which while very important, I could not participate in at this time, since I have nothing to lament. The second was about restoring / reconciling relationships, and based on Ephesians (what a co-incidence since God impressed me to meditate on Ephesians). This one blew my mind as I realized God had already done everything in the exercize and I just need to finish it off with a phone call this week. Last we had Lectio Divina, an ancient prayer meditation method, which I have been dying to get Faye to help me with. Don't worry Faye, I'd still love to do this with you, but I've practiced a couple times now.
I read Psalm 46 ten times over the course of two and half hours. And I had these helpful stages of contemplation (here is where I plaigarize Graham Cooke [again] in the hopes that you will go buy his books, because they're great!):
1. Find a place of stillness before God. Embrace His peace. Calm your body, breathe slowly ... clear your mind of the distractions of life. Ask God to reveal His rest to you. Whisper the word, "Stillness." This can take some time, but once you're in that place of rest, enjoy it. Worship God out of it.
2. Read the passage twice, slowly.
a. Allow its words to become familiar to you, and sink into your spirit. Picture the scene - become part of it. Listen for pieces that catch your attention.
b. Following the reading, meditate upon what you have heard. What stands out? Write it down.
c. If a word or phrase from the passage seems highlighted to you, write it down.
3. Read the passage twice, again.
a. Like waves crashing onto a shore, let the words of the Scripture crash onto your spirit. What are you discerning? What are you hearing? What are you feeling? Write it down.
b. What is the theme of this passage? Write it down.
c. Does this passage rekindle any memories or experiences? Write it down.
d. What is the Holy Spirit saying to you? Write it down.
4. Read the passage two final times.
a. Meditate on it.
b. Is there something God wants you to do with this passage? Is there something He is calling you to? Write it down.
c. Pray silently. Tell God what this Scripture is leading you to think about. Ask Him for His thoughts. Write down your conversation - as if you and God are sitting in a coffee shop, two old and dear friends, sharing.
5. Pray and thank God for what He has shared with you. Come back to the passage a few more times over the coming weeks.
Yeah this is amazing. Sure reading the book before you engage in this stuff is awesome but I suspect God is a little bit too eager to hang out with you and will balance things out. So if you'd like to do Psalm 46, I'll post it, and otherwise, go right ahead and enjoy some of your favourite passages again, only different.
A very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear,
Even though the earth be removed,
And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
3 Though its waters roar and be troubled,
Though the mountains shake with its swelling. Selah
4 There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God,
The holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High.
5 God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved;
God shall help her, just at the break of dawn.
6 The nations raged, the kingdoms were moved;
He uttered His voice, the earth melted.
7 The LORD of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah
8 Come, behold the works of the LORD,
Who has made desolations in the earth.
9 He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two;
He burns the chariot in the fire.
10 Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!
11 The LORD of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah
The premise of the book comes from the story of Mary & Martha. You, like Mary, are to sit and behold Jesus. As with most (if not all) of Graham's short books, it has exercizes to do at the end. The first was a Lament, which while very important, I could not participate in at this time, since I have nothing to lament. The second was about restoring / reconciling relationships, and based on Ephesians (what a co-incidence since God impressed me to meditate on Ephesians). This one blew my mind as I realized God had already done everything in the exercize and I just need to finish it off with a phone call this week. Last we had Lectio Divina, an ancient prayer meditation method, which I have been dying to get Faye to help me with. Don't worry Faye, I'd still love to do this with you, but I've practiced a couple times now.
I read Psalm 46 ten times over the course of two and half hours. And I had these helpful stages of contemplation (here is where I plaigarize Graham Cooke [again] in the hopes that you will go buy his books, because they're great!):
1. Find a place of stillness before God. Embrace His peace. Calm your body, breathe slowly ... clear your mind of the distractions of life. Ask God to reveal His rest to you. Whisper the word, "Stillness." This can take some time, but once you're in that place of rest, enjoy it. Worship God out of it.
2. Read the passage twice, slowly.
a. Allow its words to become familiar to you, and sink into your spirit. Picture the scene - become part of it. Listen for pieces that catch your attention.
b. Following the reading, meditate upon what you have heard. What stands out? Write it down.
c. If a word or phrase from the passage seems highlighted to you, write it down.
3. Read the passage twice, again.
a. Like waves crashing onto a shore, let the words of the Scripture crash onto your spirit. What are you discerning? What are you hearing? What are you feeling? Write it down.
b. What is the theme of this passage? Write it down.
c. Does this passage rekindle any memories or experiences? Write it down.
d. What is the Holy Spirit saying to you? Write it down.
4. Read the passage two final times.
a. Meditate on it.
b. Is there something God wants you to do with this passage? Is there something He is calling you to? Write it down.
c. Pray silently. Tell God what this Scripture is leading you to think about. Ask Him for His thoughts. Write down your conversation - as if you and God are sitting in a coffee shop, two old and dear friends, sharing.
5. Pray and thank God for what He has shared with you. Come back to the passage a few more times over the coming weeks.
Yeah this is amazing. Sure reading the book before you engage in this stuff is awesome but I suspect God is a little bit too eager to hang out with you and will balance things out. So if you'd like to do Psalm 46, I'll post it, and otherwise, go right ahead and enjoy some of your favourite passages again, only different.
Psalm 46
To the Chief Musician. A Psalm of the sons of Korah. A Song for Alamoth.
1 God is our refuge and strength,A very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear,
Even though the earth be removed,
And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
3 Though its waters roar and be troubled,
Though the mountains shake with its swelling. Selah
4 There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God,
The holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High.
5 God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved;
God shall help her, just at the break of dawn.
6 The nations raged, the kingdoms were moved;
He uttered His voice, the earth melted.
7 The LORD of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah
8 Come, behold the works of the LORD,
Who has made desolations in the earth.
9 He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two;
He burns the chariot in the fire.
10 Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!
11 The LORD of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah
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