I'm off to socialize despite injuries, but not to the full extent

Hello everyone I'm listening to Classic Crime because my parents and Faye are watching Tool Time (on DVD - my Mom gave it to my Dad for their anniversary - it's cute) and it was distracting me. So I feel the strange need to write something, anything. I suspect it has more to do with the annoyance that I don't actually have a real entry sitting here right now and I haven't written in a while but mostly it's because I snacked at Chad's birthday and I have too much energy and no way to vent it properly until tomorrow when I go hiking.

So life is flying fast. I'm busy as usual. I haven't had more than six hours of sleep in the longest time and usually less. I don't know how I manage to do this, especially with RJ gone. I used to think it was at least half his fault I was always out.

The Good The Bad & The Ugly

I need to somehow split things up to write.
And I need to be fast so I can go to sleep and get up early to go hiking.

The Good. God. He makes me smile. Such as when Sindy called and we talked for a while. Sure there are hard things but it's good. And my Dad asked if I was still enjoying my job and it's been making me think all week. I always come home and it feels like I've had a good day at work. At work however on a daily basis I get angry and upset and swear and curse and it's not very pretty. Usually it's nothing personal. It's a piece of wood. Or something's not going as quickly as I'd like me to be.
If it is personal I notice it so much faster and shoot it down. If for example I'm having proud thoughts or criticizing or being disapproving of Kyle or Jay, I go woah! Sorry God. Then I promptly try to move onto other thoughts. And yes I recognize when I'm cursing wood too, because fuck always seems to stand out in conversation because it's abhorrent. But usually I don't concentrate on the cursing itself or if I do I mock myself because I'm cursing wood of all things. But anyway I just try to calm down. Like today when the chain saw didn't want to start. So I stopped and prayed. And I remembered so long ago praying when I couldn't do things. Because God can do anything.

- So I was interrupted by Melanie calling and asking for a ride and when I got home I went to bed. Then I woke up and went on a hike. It was a rather nice hike. Full of good company and warm weather. However when we reached the destination, a cave, I met some unfortunate results. Well actually reaching it was fine, we all climbed in. I was so impressed with the group. It wasn't easy getting up there but they all did it. We had a devotional and this too was good. The view was terrific. Loveliness everywhere. Then we had to leave. Which actually wasn't very difficult. I made my way down quickly and safely and then there was the wait for other people. So what to do. Here's a bright idea, let's go back up and try the really hard way down. So I did. And predictably I fell and slid down. And ended up with considerably less skin on my left shin/kneee and hand and the right half of my bum declaring itself officially on fire.
So I had a very good reminder about pride, and stupidity, and respect for nature. Luckily I learned this lesson the easy way. It would have been far worse if I'd learned it earlier when I was haphazardly free-climbing.
It was actually quite scary (how foolish had I been creating a mess of problems for the whole group) when I wondered if I could indeed make it down. I felt very naseous from the pain and couldn't stand up. Similar to getting up too quickly after the hot tub, only more intense and it didn't seem to be fading at all. I tried twice and ended up sitting down again. So when it was finally time to go I had to wait 5 minutes or so holding on to Daniel and then Laura kindly gave me a juice box which instantly cleared my vision and I felt fine with much thanking of God.
Brad (Brad from Trevor's youth as a matter of trivia) didn't escape nearly so easy (by escape I don't mean to imply he was being foolish like me). He had quite the gouge in his ankle and yet still walked down! So you can pray for him for quick healing.

So to return to my earlier topic. I think the hardest thing I fight with, and it seems to stick around, is hearing God. It doesn't seem to make sense, and yet I'm not doing anything to fix it, because I just don't understand. I love prayer. It is the most natural reaction for me in the world towards anything. I hang out with friends and they tell me about what's going on and I want to pray about it. Things can come up while we're hanging out and I want to pray about it. This is the unselfish side of my prayer. I know that God loves them. And God knows I want to help them and the best way seems to obviously ask Jesus to help them. Because I have observed that God's ways are higher than our ways. He has a great deal more wisdom and regardless, what he wants to do, I want him to do. So while helping them practically is good. It feels dangerous to me because what if I'm helping them towards a false end. So prayer is essential, and delightful.
But then comes the famous words I dread, "pray about it." I can distinctly recall talking to Janna about something and her answer was just that. My response is, yes, quite right. Of course. But then I ask God. And I am afraid. The fear hits me before I can even utter the prayer. And so usually midway through the prayer I am telling God I'm sorry for doubting he will answer me.
So as an example. Andy emailed a group of us this week with an event he's going to. Might we pray about what God has to say about it, and relate any impressions we receive.
Yes, quite right. Of course. Such a stand-up kind of guy that Andy.
And then I pray, as above.
And I have yet to receive anything.
But as James writes, I must expect an answer. Otherwise I am tossed about like being in waves and I should expect to hear nothing.
Perhaps this is why I hear nothing, perhaps not.
Maybe I should pray about it.
AGH! The circle!
It's like when I told James I was so frustrated with God not speaking to me so long ago, and he asked if I'd asked God why he wasn't speaking to me.
The answer then was that I wasn't listening.
And how I try.
Turn down the music if I'm driving. Is it OK low? I don't know, but if there's any chance of it being a distraction at all, let's kill it and not take that risk.
Let's have perseverance. Let's ask every day for months, such as in the case of praying for Shay while he was gone. Jesus says to keep asking and God will give in just to make you stop asking.
But I don't know as I ever received anything specific for Shay. Fine then I always said afterwards, I won't let that stop me from praying. I shall just keep praying the same things over again. Maybe Shay didn't need prayer for anything else?
I don't miss God. I still feel his presence now and again, and know he never leaves me or forsakes me. I see him work and I love him. I am thankful a lot. He can still bring me to tears.

1 Samuel 3

¹NOW THE boy Samuel ministered to the Lord before Eli. The word of the Lord was rare and precious in those days; there was no frequent or widely spread vision.

I have been reading through 1 & 2nd Samuel at work on breaks and this stood out to me very much. As compared to when I wondered?
Later on however we find this:

1 Samuel 19

¹⁹And it was told Saul, Behold, David is at Naioth in Ramah.

²⁰And Saul sent messengers to take David; and when they saw the company of the prophets prophesying, and Samuel standing as appointed head over them, the Spirit of God came upon the messengers of Saul and they also prophesied.

²¹When it was told Saul, he sent other messengers, and they also prophesied. And Saul sent messengers again the third time, and they also prophesied.

²²Then Saul himself went to Ramah and came to a great well that is in Secu; and he asked, Where are Samuel and David? And he was told, They are at Naioth in Ramah.

²³So he went on to Naioth in Ramah; and the Spirit of God came upon him also, and as he went on he prophesied until he came to Naioth in Ramah.

²⁴He took off his royal robes and prophesied before Samuel and lay down stripped thus all that day and night. So they say, Is Saul also among the prophets?^(A)

Yes God sends his Spirit to people and prophesies through them just to stop them and allow David to escape. Perhaps this is when God's word is more common.
There is certainly a long list of occasions involving David asking of God (with and without the ephod) and God answers.
Perhaps right now in my life is a time of rarity.
But I notice that when David doesn't inquire of God, bad things happen. And I also notice that minus the Bathsheeba incident, God doesn't take it upon himself to discipline David with words, while or while-not David is inquiring of him.
It's actually a very brutal and terrible and confusing pair of books.
It leaves many questions, but not the child-like kind - more so an admission of my lack of knowledge and understanding.

I mean David took off his clothes and put on the priestly ephod (which is an upper garment) in public and gets reprimanded by his wife who he then rebukes because it was in pure joy of the Lord. The only other reference to nudity is Noah and that was very seriously shameful, and he cursed his son.

So what does that mean?
Obviously it hasn't happened to you while I was there because I have yet to see someone strip nude in a worship time due to the pure joy of the Lord.

Bizarre.

And God says that God gives Saul's harem to David, yet God himself is the one who said that Kings should not have multiple wives in the Jewish law, that David meditates on day and night so that he will not sin. Yet having the large family leads to a lot of problems.

And Samuel's sons were evil just like the priest's before him. Why? Because he didn't grow up with his family but rather grew up in the temple and the only example he saw was a bad one? But the Holy Spirit leads into all truth. Why couldn't God have taught him to be a good father? Or maybe he was and his sons were just rebellious and evil.
Who knows, but it's very sad.