UM Report

So it's nearing the end of September and things of the UM are as different as always.
It was decided that the different facets of our lives together would be separated into categories and given over to pairs of people to be drafted into a proposed plan of action.
Hence Andy & Shay are working on what our lives of prayer might look like. Pam and I have some suggestions about incorporating the disciplines of silence and solitude. There's food and cleaning and a host of other things to be considered.
Last night I was working on the cooking theory and was met with several challenges from the new guys. And I didn't appreciate them. How annoying to have to defend something that works. How dare you suggest alternatives. Somewhere in the middle of this rumours of what might be brewing in other areas came up and I immediately attacked them too.
And I had to stop and breathe and pray. And whilst praying it occurred to me very strongly that this September feels very different than last, and not for the better, even though the house isn't nearly as chaotic. And it's all my fault.
Last year, I knew it would be hard. I knew there would be painful sacrifices. I knew my personal life would be put on hold and become second to the people I would now live with. I expected it so much that it was surprising not to be as extreme as it could have been.
Where has that gone?
Now it's easy to be selfish and cling tightly.
And so a Chevelle song came to me and I had to pray it out at work and then later on when I got home. The chorus channeled was:
"I want to fight I want to fight I want to prove I'm right. I want to fight I want to fight so turn and forfeit."

I focused on a passage in James 3 today about the wisdom that comes from heaven.

"But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. ¹⁸ And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness."

And I feel so caught right now. I want the freedom to have alternative opinions on things like prayer, but I want to be submissive/yielding. So I need to pray.