Evelyn

I love my family.  Even if many of them won't be able to come to my wedding in two months, I will see lots of them over the next couple of days, except one.  

I was driving to work this morning and thought of her and started crying.  I was in the middle of bawling my eyes out, when I suddenly pictured my face and burst out laughing because Sherry doesn't believe me that I can 'sob' (even though she's been right beside me) as it appears very reserved, as far as crying goes I suppose.  My face gets all scrunched up and my eyes burn and fill up with water and it gets hard to breathe.  But I haven't sobbed yet, just moments of crying here and there - it will come.  

Later on in the morning my Mom called to tell me that she'd passed away.  I'd lost my grandmother.  

This won't be the post to remember her.  I want to wait until I get home.  Perhaps Wednesday afternoon before JLYS.  

Right now I'm enjoying the memory of her face.  Her easy smile.  Her beautiful laugh.  Her troubled, "ohh." - almost more of a question.  

I want to go be with family.  I hope we get to hang around in living rooms and popcorn stories.  That's far more appealing than ceremonies.  

I'm grateful.  For a number of things.  I had very much wanted to write my grandparents a letter to send along with our wedding invitations, but the time came and life was hectic, and I deferred to - oh I can just send them a separate letter later.  It's very sad that I can't write them 

that letter.  I don't feel pained about it though.  I started singing at work, quite randomly - correction - quite led by the Holy Spirit (which has happened several times today and is in fact one of the 'number of things'), and cried:

"Sing a song of celebration

Lift up a shout of praise 

For the bridegroom will come, the glorious one

And oh, we will look on his face

We'll go to a much better place

Dance will all your might

Lift up your hands and clap for joy

For the time's drawing near, when he will appear

And oh we will stand by his side

A strong pure spotless bride

Oh we will dance on the streets that are golden

The glorious bride and the great song of man

From every tongue and tribe and nation will join

In the song of of the lamb"

Just last week I was pondering the scripture, "In my Father's house are many mansions:  if it were not so, I would have told you.  I go to prepare a place for you." (John 14:2)  The word mansions.  I think as a child the idea was that God is building you your mansion.  That's ridiculous.  You know what mansions are for?  Lots of people together.  It delighted me, as I am living in a community house and it thrills me.  And some day, in heaven, I will wash dishes with Chasey for her and she'll be pleased and help us put things away and sing a little and tell us stories about how she picked up tangelos at the market.  She won't mind that I didn't get her that last letter, because we have all eternity to chat and joke, garden and cook, and sneak smiles with Jesus at all the moments treasured.