Splotches

So I bought a few CDs for my upcoming road trip and so far I'm not impressed. Cool Hand Luke's Balancing Act is a historical documentary greatest hits sort of album, which is not nearly as good as a new album. Dead Poetic's Vices album is very unsatisfying and I should never have randomly listened to track 8 (which is good) to decide to buy it. Anberlin's new one doesn't grab me either.
I got Jonezetta's Popularity earlier and it is rather blase too. So that leaves Forever Changed's Chapters album, which won't be stellar, but could be good.
There's still hope for the year. Mae, The Myriad, Relient K and Project 86 all have upcoming albums.

I leave for California on Saturday and I'm not ready. Surprised? Who are you? My car needs some work, the route isn't planned, we don't know where we're staying. More pressing is that my income tax needs to be done before I leave since it's due on the 15th. I hate doing income taxes.

The birthday present was a hit, coconut lime from RJ is subconsciously taking its toll, and the song is slowly taking shape. So what can I say except that I'm in love, hopeful, and patient. And every time she smiles life gets better.

Prayer prayer prayer. Trixy as ever. Andy and I prayed for Ang Friday night before we left, and in some ways it felt like we failed. In other ways I don't bother analyzing it and focus more on persevering in praying the same thing over and over. I've been praying the, "Jesus prayer," a lot lately (popular apparently among Orthodox Russia).

Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on me a sinner.

It's a strange prayer for me to repeat. I never think of myself as a sinner. I rarely ask Jesus for mercy. And I hardly pray for myself. But I was told a long time ago to look to the Fathers in faith. The old people who got smart at some point. And it reminds me of Shay who repeats Je-sus over and over and over again regaining a vision of God on his throne.

God continues to answer prayers and I like thanking him for them, though I seem not to consider them very much. Pray about everything and say thanks when he comes through. But the regularity of it seems to fade how special it is.

Hearing God. Sometimes it's so subtle and normal and it's all wrong. It should be lit up the way another voice I can think of is. That voice is music. I could hear the slightest hint of it and my mind perks up. But God is sneaky. Driving home from Sundre, I felt the very strong need to pray. It wasn't surprising. Whenever I listen to people and there are big issues, especially ones dealing with other people, and they really want to do something about it, and they're frustrated - my natural instinct is to pray. Because I can't solve it. Listening is really good for me that way. When you listen to people, you end up hearing about a lot of things that can't be solved. I can't offer them a brilliant idea that will change everything. I can't give them what they need. On que, my mind connects to Jesus. Pray pray pray. He changes hearts. He gives gifts. He comforts. He's pretty great.
So I suggest we pray. And there's all kinds of stuff rolling around inside me and I don't know how to start. So she does. A few things directly hit things I want to pray. So I throw a few agreeable comments in like, "yep." But as she's praying for her family, I know what's coming up for her youngest brother. It's strong and its big and I'm not sure how to pray it, but she gets to him and prays it, and I laughed out loud - a rather strange laugh, more of a big release like something God put inside there shooting off. And at the end I start to pray because there's more. And something strange comes out of nowhere but it's right and I fumble around with words to get it out.

Several times during this, I laughed to myself because I thought it would be so much simpler just to, "pray in the spirit," and babel in some gibberish language, because the burden was obviously deeper than my mind could comprehend or sort out neatly. But I've never been given that gift. But what does Paul say? Pray in the spirit and with your mind. So fine, I'll be obedient and pray, the only way I've got so far, and find solace in the knowledge that God knows what he's doing. And I like him. So what if it's gangly. I'll never be very good at being pr-pr-pr-pr-professional!