Good Friday

So lately I've felt like my brain has turned to mush, intellectually speaking. I try to contemplate. I try to sort and sift and draw out organized thought and reasons. It hurts. It runs in circles and hits walls and feels like I'm listening to another language. The truth bits. They're strong. Intuition and heart and belief. But where have all the whys gone?

Last night was awesome. Well really the whole day was pretty good. I ended up going to Lisa's Good Friday service invite (I would have been late for the joint EMC one). It was cool. Meditative progression through the events and people and twists of Jesus' last days. Songs, narratives, dramatic monologues, all following an ancient 4th century church tradition of the shadow candles. Then I went out for lunch with Kirk. Kirk is always cool to hang out with, plus we got to eat Indian food! Oh yeah, and it was funny because I was probably 5 minutes late for the service and so when I went in it was all dark and I could barely see anything (especially coming in from the snow). So I stood in the back. But Kirk was late too, and probably arrived ten minutes later. So my eyes had adjusted to the dark by then (good thing I eat carrots pretty much every day) but he was blind like I had been and so when we went to sit down he crashed into the chairs and I thought, yep, this is all just a black blob to him like it was for me before.

So I went home and did some grocery shopping with RJ and then I went to my room and got weird. Now you could argue that I was just pent up and my body needed to return to equilibrium after downing a 32 oz blizzard the night before and then having buffet Indian. But whatever the reason this is how it went. First I started by reading a couple chapters of a book just returned to me in hopes of gaining direction to try and answer a question posed the day before. It only made me frustrated with how I don't really understand myself, at least enough to explain to anyone else. So then I returned to the DISC personality profiling and on a whim took the test again with new results. I scored 77 I 75 S with a negligible 19 D and 12 C. This wasn't really feeling helpful at all, so I started reading the Bible. And after restlessly reading a while in the new testament, I got stuck in 1 John. It's weird and somehow that felt better. Because my brain still wasn't working very well, but there were things in there that sounded brainless and true.

So then I got up and cranked Atticus Fault's Mary Mother song that I associate with the movie The Passion and danced wildly in my room. Then I threw on Mute Math and continued. I didn't break anything except my lungs' pride - just wait till I get my exercise bike back... And it felt good. It felt old, dancing all crazy like that, but so good. Connor came in and we threw a stuffed bunny at each other for a while, he on the top bunk, and I still going crazy.

And then it was over because we were to start the movie at 7. But it wasn't ready, so I sat on the couch, then walked to Blockbuster with Sherry who was returning a movie.

Finally we watched it. Powerful as always.

Afterwards, we had communion (which I'd been lamenting not having done recently enough just the day before to Andy). It was great. We divided up the bread and wine, and then we went around with each person, one at a time (there were 8 of us), exchanging bits of bread and clinking glasses together and praying/encouraging/making things right again amongst us. It was glorious. I loved it. I could feel Jesus smiling.
Oh and incidentally Kirk mentioned that I reminded him of John, the beloved disciple. And it was incredibly encouraging, especially given my brain mush. That Kirk, such a stand-up kind of guy.

Then it was off to Scarborough United for our hour during the prayer vigil. It too was glorious. Praying with Kirk and RJ and Wes and Andy was great. It started when Kirk read a scripture passage, and I felt that he needed to pray more in response to it. That there were things in his heart and he needed to say them. So I prayed about that, and God said, well if you want him to pray them out, you'd better pray out what's on yours. So I did just that and prayed for Kirk. And wow, I'd barely finished and he took off and it all came pouring out and it was fantastic. From there it was more and more fun. Why? Because the Holy Spirit was there and he's awesome. He gave me good things to pray and odd things to pray, and humourous things to pray. And there was tag-teamage and unity of spirit going around with friends. I love it!
Then it was back home for bed.
Kind of like right now for me.
God bless. He is risen! Oh yes! He is risen indeed!