Ok, I have to make this quick. Quick Nolan quick.
So today all the changes at work became official.
We're getting a Zoom Boom.
Terry's done.
I am the lead man (I'm the only man other than Kyle).
That by the way means I'll be learning how to do everything very shortly.
I have a cell phone. Yes you can read that again, I, Nolan, have a cell phone. I'll give you all the number as soon as I'm sure what it is. Because I can't let Trevor be the only one to have a cool phone number.
So yeah, I'm a professional framer now.
And Terry's moving to Edmonton in a month.
I finally talked to him tonight. I'll hang out with him a couple times before he leaves.
I finished prepping all the photos for Nathan & Lauren's Slide Show tonight. Now I can actually begin the show itself.
I made it a week with less than 6 hours of sleep per day. It wasn't pretty but it wasn't as awful as it looks reading it.
I got some high five action last night from RJ. It wasn't quite the same. He just can't fulfill that kind of need the same way...
Well if last weekend was dominated by girls, this one will be the respite. It's off to Edmonton for Nathan's bachelor party.
Girls girls girls.
I got home tonight and Melanie was not happy. She almost cried as she related her awful day and a lot of it wasn't as terrible to me as it seemed, but some times the things that get her down look very bleak to her indeed.
So I couldn't do much to help.
I offered to make her nachos, and I gave her a hug and I was supportive.
I think about people balancing each other sometimes. There are lots of people whom I enjoy. They have great personalities, senses of humour, intelligence, interests, hobbies, etc. But do I bring any balance to them?
I am of course referring to girls more than guys with this topic. RJ brought up last night that he doesn't know, 'my type.' This was amusing to me, because it's come up a few times in that last while.
My type.
I'm not sure that I have a type. RJ retold how in conversation about me he knew non-negotiable factors for dating a girl and listed them as being she had to be a youngest child with older brothers. And it seemed so silly to me.
I've probably bought into what Faye said too much. That she thinks it would be a waste for me to do that. I'm too balanced an oldest child to go looking for someone to balance me. I need to look for someone to balance.
And yet what does that mean?
Most people find it hard to picture me depressed, or melancholy at all. Yet it happens probably weekly. Not depressed so much. But definitely sobre. And I definitely hit downs. I'm just stubbornly optimistic and joyful and thankful. So it can't last long. Still it's hard for me to bring up people when they're down. When they're tired and cranky, what am I to do? When they're bitter and unforgiving, what then?
When they're hopeless and miserable?
So generally I have listened, and prayed. But there's a lot of people who don't want to talk. They don't want to be cheered. They don't want encouragement. They want to be sour.
And it sounds odd writing that. Because if they did, where would they find the annoying person who would even attempt to do those things except in movies?
So to try and summarize. I'm confused.
I could bring balance to this person, and I couldn't.
I could be their opposite. While they're prone to cool in the shadow. I will always bask in the light.
I could become them. I could get depressed.
That's not really true.
I don't think I would.
Still there's lots of things like this.
I am organized. I can parent. I watch out for how people are doing and care about them deeply.
I am very unorganized. I don't have a clue how to help people in a great deal of situations. I'm oblivious to how people are doing. I'm hesitant to take charge.
So the difficulty in trying to find my opposite, is knowing what that might even look like.
As for my type. Ha. Good luck solving that.
Friday, April 28, 2006
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Sindy or Surrey
An introduction of sorts for Sindy:
I met Sindy while interviewing her for her job.
Parkdale EMC decided to find a youth pastor for the blooming youth group it had gained and Nathan Horch and I were asked to be part of the 'committee'. We were already actively involved as leaders within the youth group. It was summer and I had just graduated.
So the interview went well. We liked her. We clicked. And I got to hang out with her for a week at camp that summer. CSC took a week all to themselves at camp. The first half for their jr. highers and the second half for a family camp.
Sindy was in charge of yuck games (she came from CSC). How can you not get along with someone responsible for things like condiments twister and digging around for hidden objects in oatmeal with only your face?
Normally Sindy preferred to have youth leaders take at least a year off after being in youth group before becoming a leader, but I was extra mature or something and she made an exception (like she had a choice...).
She had a really rough first year. But we got along very well (whenever she didn't want to kill me). I was going to RMC at the time and once a week the band I was in practiced at the church. So I would go there straight from school and hang out for the remainder of the afternoon. There was lots of good afternoons hanging out chatting, sometimes planning / prepping.
There have been a couple of people in various pieces of my life that have pushed me. Sindy was one such person. Leadership came out of that pushing. And all the while strong spiritual development continued along with a lot of growing up.
And there was fun. Lots of silly fun. Cleaning her house for her and leaving an axe in her bath tub splattered with ketchup.
Such a funny youth group too. It was almost ALL girls Sindy's second year. It didn't help that more girls kept coming for the hot male youth leaders (that was the real reason Sindy kept me around).
We were friends through good and bad and when she moved to BC and told everyone to come and visit her I knew I should. So I did.
And picked up as before. Both of us with another two years of life thrown in to our being. So we hung out and chatted Sunday night when I got there. But we were both tired so retired fairly early. She'd just returned from two weeks in Mexico with some of her youth. Monday we hung out and chatted some more after eating some delicious grapefruit. Then we headed out to Horseshoe Bay with a picnic lunch of wraps. We forgot a knife so I got to utilize a house key to slice: cucumber, tomatoe, and cheese. So much fun.
Then we just climbed out on different points along the bay and sat and relaxed and rested with God and the sunshine and beauty and waves and the little bird that couldn't help but keep singing. That evening I beat her in a best of 3 in Sequence. Then we headed out for some East Indian buffet. There is a LOT of East Indian restaurants in Surrey. The one we tried didn't happen to have the greatest food.
Sindy discovered that I hadn't been to Vancouver Island (my Dad later claimed I have been - when I was two or three) and decided we had to go. So we went to bed at 10:30ish and woke up super early to go off to the Ferry. Super early isn't a bad thing for me but not so for other people. So while Sindy napped on the Ferry I started reading The House by Ted Dekker and Frank Peretti.
What an intense book, at least at the beginning.
Vancouver Island was great fun. We wandered about downtown Victoria and visited a Dutch Bakery, went into an evil but interesting store (I don't have the spiritual discernment Sindy does but I am very adventurous). It was really funny because we walked in and the store clerk told me there was something in my hair (there was and I knew it).
"It looks kind of like seagull shit"
Oh nope, look at that, just a flower.
Why was there a flower in my hair?
Because there are tons and tons of pink trees and I climbed up one and later I put a bunch of flowers in my hair just to be silly.
That was probably also why I dangled off the edge of the waterside thing just to cause a commotion too.
We prayed for the government by the Parliament building. Then we went to a breakwater thing and walked way down it, and got to see a cool Sea Lion! Then we went and found a cool park beside the ocean and had another picnic lunch with some birds. Picnic lunches are fabulous.
Then we drove to see a castle and instead we found the cool Governor's House with an ENORMOUS, elaborate garden that my sisters would have adored, with a stellar view of Victoria and even a very British road to get to it.
We were going to go to some other cool Bay on the way back to the ferry point but we never found either of the turn-offs for them and instead went to Nanaimo for the fun of it.
We stopped at a beach along the way, and listened to the CDs Sindy had picked up for her youth group.
In Nanaimo we found a cool local restaurant. Some Pirates Fish & Chips place. They subscribed to the Scottish deep frying trend (Andy told me so) for desert so I had some spectacular Nanaimo Bar, in addition to some tasty Fish & Chips.
Then we went and got in line for the Ferry. It would be a three hour line.
So we listened to a Graham Cooke CD talk I'd brought along and chatted and fooled around and caused a scene in public (again).
Then when we were finally on the Ferry, I caused more scenes, doing silly things like imitating some girl who was obliviously doing yoga with headphones. I didn't see, but apparently she eventually noticed what I was doing and left.
Then Sindy went and napped again and I read again.
When we got back it was late and we were both tired.
In the morning when I woke up suspiciously early I read some more. And finished the book. It didn't end with the same intensity as the beginning but God used it anyway to convict/inspire/speak. Sindy woke up later on and let me finish the book and went off to work for a little bit.
I went for a run and pushed hard because I knew I wouldn't be going as far as I might want. And I prayed. Running is a good way and time to pray. And I knew where I must go. I went to the school.
Sindy has an interesting situation of a youth group / church and it would be hard to explain without making this thing EVEN longer than it already is. But I told her right at the beginning that I was going to pray through it. And I had been listening and asking questions and praying already.
So I got to the school and slowed to a walk and listened and prayed and made my way to the next school and did the same and danced around and worshipped God in the soccer field inbetween. Then it was back to the furious running and praying.
In the morning Pam told me that we were supposed to have been doing the Daniel fast. She wasn't sure if I should be going through the Deliverance if I hadn't. But if the point of the fast is to focus on God then what had I been doing this whole time? And I was having an amazing time with him. I was also really looking forward to the Deliverance Prayer.
So I prayed about it.
I'd already told Sindy yes to going to the Phankoeken House for brunch and so I discussed it with her and we prayed. And I felt total peace about not doing the fast.
So we went out for brunch and I had a tasty triple berry dutch crepe-like thing. Then we got some wine for communion and split up. She to get some fresh vegetables for dinner which I had insisted on the entire time (I got to make Omelettes). I to get new windshield wipers. Then we met up again and went to her church. And she gave me a tour and then I went through and listened and prayed and sang and wrote scripture passages on white boards throughout. Then I found her and we went to the sanctuary to pray some more. I prayed a blessing for her and the church. Colossians 3:16+
Funny that God would choose that passage. It was very fitting but it was a passage that God gave me for my life way back when I was a youth leader at Parkdale. I'd almost forgot.
Then we went home and I made supper and it was AWESOME. So many vegetables. So tasty. MMMmmm
So we ended with communion and more prayer and hugs before I headed out for the second phase of my trip.
I met Sindy while interviewing her for her job.
Parkdale EMC decided to find a youth pastor for the blooming youth group it had gained and Nathan Horch and I were asked to be part of the 'committee'. We were already actively involved as leaders within the youth group. It was summer and I had just graduated.
So the interview went well. We liked her. We clicked. And I got to hang out with her for a week at camp that summer. CSC took a week all to themselves at camp. The first half for their jr. highers and the second half for a family camp.
Sindy was in charge of yuck games (she came from CSC). How can you not get along with someone responsible for things like condiments twister and digging around for hidden objects in oatmeal with only your face?
Normally Sindy preferred to have youth leaders take at least a year off after being in youth group before becoming a leader, but I was extra mature or something and she made an exception (like she had a choice...).
She had a really rough first year. But we got along very well (whenever she didn't want to kill me). I was going to RMC at the time and once a week the band I was in practiced at the church. So I would go there straight from school and hang out for the remainder of the afternoon. There was lots of good afternoons hanging out chatting, sometimes planning / prepping.
There have been a couple of people in various pieces of my life that have pushed me. Sindy was one such person. Leadership came out of that pushing. And all the while strong spiritual development continued along with a lot of growing up.
And there was fun. Lots of silly fun. Cleaning her house for her and leaving an axe in her bath tub splattered with ketchup.
Such a funny youth group too. It was almost ALL girls Sindy's second year. It didn't help that more girls kept coming for the hot male youth leaders (that was the real reason Sindy kept me around).
We were friends through good and bad and when she moved to BC and told everyone to come and visit her I knew I should. So I did.
And picked up as before. Both of us with another two years of life thrown in to our being. So we hung out and chatted Sunday night when I got there. But we were both tired so retired fairly early. She'd just returned from two weeks in Mexico with some of her youth. Monday we hung out and chatted some more after eating some delicious grapefruit. Then we headed out to Horseshoe Bay with a picnic lunch of wraps. We forgot a knife so I got to utilize a house key to slice: cucumber, tomatoe, and cheese. So much fun.
Then we just climbed out on different points along the bay and sat and relaxed and rested with God and the sunshine and beauty and waves and the little bird that couldn't help but keep singing. That evening I beat her in a best of 3 in Sequence. Then we headed out for some East Indian buffet. There is a LOT of East Indian restaurants in Surrey. The one we tried didn't happen to have the greatest food.
Sindy discovered that I hadn't been to Vancouver Island (my Dad later claimed I have been - when I was two or three) and decided we had to go. So we went to bed at 10:30ish and woke up super early to go off to the Ferry. Super early isn't a bad thing for me but not so for other people. So while Sindy napped on the Ferry I started reading The House by Ted Dekker and Frank Peretti.
What an intense book, at least at the beginning.
Vancouver Island was great fun. We wandered about downtown Victoria and visited a Dutch Bakery, went into an evil but interesting store (I don't have the spiritual discernment Sindy does but I am very adventurous). It was really funny because we walked in and the store clerk told me there was something in my hair (there was and I knew it).
"It looks kind of like seagull shit"
Oh nope, look at that, just a flower.
Why was there a flower in my hair?
Because there are tons and tons of pink trees and I climbed up one and later I put a bunch of flowers in my hair just to be silly.
That was probably also why I dangled off the edge of the waterside thing just to cause a commotion too.
We prayed for the government by the Parliament building. Then we went to a breakwater thing and walked way down it, and got to see a cool Sea Lion! Then we went and found a cool park beside the ocean and had another picnic lunch with some birds. Picnic lunches are fabulous.
Then we drove to see a castle and instead we found the cool Governor's House with an ENORMOUS, elaborate garden that my sisters would have adored, with a stellar view of Victoria and even a very British road to get to it.
We were going to go to some other cool Bay on the way back to the ferry point but we never found either of the turn-offs for them and instead went to Nanaimo for the fun of it.
We stopped at a beach along the way, and listened to the CDs Sindy had picked up for her youth group.
In Nanaimo we found a cool local restaurant. Some Pirates Fish & Chips place. They subscribed to the Scottish deep frying trend (Andy told me so) for desert so I had some spectacular Nanaimo Bar, in addition to some tasty Fish & Chips.
Then we went and got in line for the Ferry. It would be a three hour line.
So we listened to a Graham Cooke CD talk I'd brought along and chatted and fooled around and caused a scene in public (again).
Then when we were finally on the Ferry, I caused more scenes, doing silly things like imitating some girl who was obliviously doing yoga with headphones. I didn't see, but apparently she eventually noticed what I was doing and left.
Then Sindy went and napped again and I read again.
When we got back it was late and we were both tired.
In the morning when I woke up suspiciously early I read some more. And finished the book. It didn't end with the same intensity as the beginning but God used it anyway to convict/inspire/speak. Sindy woke up later on and let me finish the book and went off to work for a little bit.
I went for a run and pushed hard because I knew I wouldn't be going as far as I might want. And I prayed. Running is a good way and time to pray. And I knew where I must go. I went to the school.
Sindy has an interesting situation of a youth group / church and it would be hard to explain without making this thing EVEN longer than it already is. But I told her right at the beginning that I was going to pray through it. And I had been listening and asking questions and praying already.
So I got to the school and slowed to a walk and listened and prayed and made my way to the next school and did the same and danced around and worshipped God in the soccer field inbetween. Then it was back to the furious running and praying.
In the morning Pam told me that we were supposed to have been doing the Daniel fast. She wasn't sure if I should be going through the Deliverance if I hadn't. But if the point of the fast is to focus on God then what had I been doing this whole time? And I was having an amazing time with him. I was also really looking forward to the Deliverance Prayer.
So I prayed about it.
I'd already told Sindy yes to going to the Phankoeken House for brunch and so I discussed it with her and we prayed. And I felt total peace about not doing the fast.
So we went out for brunch and I had a tasty triple berry dutch crepe-like thing. Then we got some wine for communion and split up. She to get some fresh vegetables for dinner which I had insisted on the entire time (I got to make Omelettes). I to get new windshield wipers. Then we met up again and went to her church. And she gave me a tour and then I went through and listened and prayed and sang and wrote scripture passages on white boards throughout. Then I found her and we went to the sanctuary to pray some more. I prayed a blessing for her and the church. Colossians 3:16+
Funny that God would choose that passage. It was very fitting but it was a passage that God gave me for my life way back when I was a youth leader at Parkdale. I'd almost forgot.
Then we went home and I made supper and it was AWESOME. So many vegetables. So tasty. MMMmmm
So we ended with communion and more prayer and hugs before I headed out for the second phase of my trip.
Freedom and Victory
So it's Wednesday now. 3 days later. I'm different you know.
Some things never seem to change. I'm back to getting less than 6 hours of sleep per night. I'm back to the never ending zone of "I need to do: ____ & _ & _ & _ & _ & _"
Still...
Monday I was informed by Kyle (my boss) that Terry (the other guy I work with) had gotten into a bad dirt biking accident and broken his arm. This has very big implications for Terry who cannot claim EI (you have to actually pay taxes to do that) while he recovers over the next 2+ months.
I haven't actually gotten to call Terry yet so I can't really say much more, except that it only speeded up what he'd already wanted. To leave (and go into finish carpentry with his brother in Edmonton).
I have mixed feelings about that.
He's not a Christian yet.
Why is he leaving?
Yet I have to give God thanks for these last 3 days. They have been so utterly peaceful and restful. Normally on my breaks I hang out with Terry, which is a good thing. But when time is so scarce for me, it's so precious to have alone and quiet and nothing else to do. I had been briefly worried on Sunday about not getting time to process the week, until I prayed about it and trusted. And I have had time.
So on those breaks I have been reading the written prayer I was given during my deliverance. It's alive. And I pray. And I soak up sun. And I rest. And I am filled with peace and joy all day.
And I have had several periods of unsupervision, which has also been pleasant. Just to think and pray and work.
I just about cried in the middle of framing today because there was just so much to be thankful for.
Some things never seem to change. I'm back to getting less than 6 hours of sleep per night. I'm back to the never ending zone of "I need to do: ____ & _ & _ & _ & _ & _"
Still...
Monday I was informed by Kyle (my boss) that Terry (the other guy I work with) had gotten into a bad dirt biking accident and broken his arm. This has very big implications for Terry who cannot claim EI (you have to actually pay taxes to do that) while he recovers over the next 2+ months.
I haven't actually gotten to call Terry yet so I can't really say much more, except that it only speeded up what he'd already wanted. To leave (and go into finish carpentry with his brother in Edmonton).
I have mixed feelings about that.
He's not a Christian yet.
Why is he leaving?
Yet I have to give God thanks for these last 3 days. They have been so utterly peaceful and restful. Normally on my breaks I hang out with Terry, which is a good thing. But when time is so scarce for me, it's so precious to have alone and quiet and nothing else to do. I had been briefly worried on Sunday about not getting time to process the week, until I prayed about it and trusted. And I have had time.
So on those breaks I have been reading the written prayer I was given during my deliverance. It's alive. And I pray. And I soak up sun. And I rest. And I am filled with peace and joy all day.
And I have had several periods of unsupervision, which has also been pleasant. Just to think and pray and work.
I just about cried in the middle of framing today because there was just so much to be thankful for.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
License Plates Don't Lie
I'm back from beautiful British Columbia. I must say that the trip there was breathtakingly scenic. I decided to take the #1 all the way through the Fraser Valley and it was gorgeous and well worth the extra hour. The trip back had a lot less focus on what was past the windshield. The beauty was seated beside me.
It's 10:30 and I'm tired and I'm in a chair and my bum is very rebellious about being imprisoned this way again today. Yet I'm frightened the memories shall be lost as I return to good old insanity calgary. It's true. My calendar told me so. Tomorrow is Nathan. Tuesday is Nathan. Wednesday is GIC + music + Jerry's?. Thursday is RJ. Friday is Nathan. Saturday is Nathan. Sunday is Nathan. Don't you dare think Nathan is creating this insanity either. I'm making them a slide show for their wedding and it must be done pronto. The weekend is his bachelor party. Oh right and it's my Mom's birthday this week, on Tuesday. But I am flexible on Wednesday/Thursday ish. I just found out GIC is not Wednesday so there.
So let's get on with the writing because I can.
Alright so when I started off my voyage, I was decidedly happy. I cleaned out my car. I didn't forget anything, except my alarm clock (like I even need one of those...). I got gas ridiculously cheap at Centrex and I had 10 glorious CDs in my car that kept me going all the way to Revelstoke (or Golden?) without stopping. Then I stopped at every major centre along the way because, well, because I could!
There was some good prayer time on the drive.
There were two cool hitchhikers.
There was nourishing food.
There was miraculous gas mileage for which God received much rejoicing in the land.
And at long last there was a fabulous woman of God with a hug.
And I have no more time to share with you tonight because I just talked with a friend on the phone for an hour. Did you notice all the lack of identification going on in this post? What is going on around here? Certainly not any foregone notion of privacy.
"My phone number is, my phone number is, # # # # # # #, that's what, it is." That was the sweet song my Mom made up for us to sing when we were kids. Only you can't hear the melody and we actually got to sing specific numbers.
I also saw that Virgin Mobile has a fantastic new deal for cell phones in BC. If such fairy tales carry over to my province then Nolan could join the world of ear microwavers. What a dreadful thought.
It's 10:30 and I'm tired and I'm in a chair and my bum is very rebellious about being imprisoned this way again today. Yet I'm frightened the memories shall be lost as I return to good old insanity calgary. It's true. My calendar told me so. Tomorrow is Nathan. Tuesday is Nathan. Wednesday is GIC + music + Jerry's?. Thursday is RJ. Friday is Nathan. Saturday is Nathan. Sunday is Nathan. Don't you dare think Nathan is creating this insanity either. I'm making them a slide show for their wedding and it must be done pronto. The weekend is his bachelor party. Oh right and it's my Mom's birthday this week, on Tuesday. But I am flexible on Wednesday/Thursday ish. I just found out GIC is not Wednesday so there.
So let's get on with the writing because I can.
Alright so when I started off my voyage, I was decidedly happy. I cleaned out my car. I didn't forget anything, except my alarm clock (like I even need one of those...). I got gas ridiculously cheap at Centrex and I had 10 glorious CDs in my car that kept me going all the way to Revelstoke (or Golden?) without stopping. Then I stopped at every major centre along the way because, well, because I could!
There was some good prayer time on the drive.
There were two cool hitchhikers.
There was nourishing food.
There was miraculous gas mileage for which God received much rejoicing in the land.
And at long last there was a fabulous woman of God with a hug.
And I have no more time to share with you tonight because I just talked with a friend on the phone for an hour. Did you notice all the lack of identification going on in this post? What is going on around here? Certainly not any foregone notion of privacy.
"My phone number is, my phone number is, # # # # # # #, that's what, it is." That was the sweet song my Mom made up for us to sing when we were kids. Only you can't hear the melody and we actually got to sing specific numbers.
I also saw that Virgin Mobile has a fantastic new deal for cell phones in BC. If such fairy tales carry over to my province then Nolan could join the world of ear microwavers. What a dreadful thought.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
I Gave In And Took A Personality Profile
| Advanced Big 45 Personality Test Results
|
personality tests by similarminds.com
| Factor | low score | high score | |
| Gregariousness | 58% | quiet, reclusive | engaging, socially bold |
| Sociability | 70% | withdrawn, hidden | warm, open, inviting |
| Assertiveness | 66% | timid, gunshy | controlling, aggressive |
| Poise | 78% | uneasy around others | socially comfortable |
| Leadership | 54% | stays in background | prefers to lead |
| Provocativeness | 38% | modest, plays it safe | bold, uninhibited, cocky |
| Self-Disclosure | 70% | private, contained | very open and revealing |
| Talkativeness | 46% | quiet, stealthy, invisible | motor mouth, loud |
| Group Attachment | 66% | loves solitude | prefers to be with others |
| Understanding | 74% | insensitive, schizoid | respectful, sympathetic |
| Warmth | 70% | disinterested in others | supportive, helpful |
| Morality | 66% | break/ignore the rules | play by the rules |
| Pleasantness | 74% | aloof or disagreeable | gets along with others |
| Empathy | 58% | out of tune w/ others | in tune with others |
| Cooperation | 74% | competitive, warlike | agreeable, peaceful |
| Sympathy | 82% | socially inconsiderate | socially conscious |
| Tenderness | 58% | cold hearted, selfish | warm hearted, selfless |
| Nurturance | 70% | self pleasing, me first | people pleasing, me last |
| Conscientiousness | 70% | reckless, unscheduled | careful, planner |
| Efficiency | 66% | unreliable, lazy | finisher, follows through |
| Dutifulness | 70% | leisurely, derelict | strict, rule abiding |
| Purposefulness | 62% | inattentive, undisciplined | prepared, focused |
| Organization | 82% | relaxed, oblivious | detail oriented, anal |
| Cautiousness | 50% | impulsive, spendthrift | restrained, cautious |
| Rationality | 62% | irrational, random | direct, logical |
| Perfectionism | 70% | careless, error prone | detail obsessed |
| Planning | 70% | disorganized, random | scheduled, clean |
| Stability | 74% | easily frustrated | calm, cool, unphased |
| Happiness | 70% | unhappy, dissatisfied | self content, positive |
| Calmness | 74% | touchy, volatile | even tempered, tolerant |
| Moderation | 58% | needs instant gratification | easily delays gratification |
| Toughness | 74% | hypersensitive, moody | thick skinned |
| Impulse Control | 62% | lacks self control | maintains composure |
| Imperturbability | 42% | highly emotional | emotionally contained |
| Cool-headedness | 50% | demanding, controlling | accommodating |
| Tranquility | 34% | emotionally volatile | emotionally neutral |
| Intellect | 66% | instinctive, non-analytical | intellectual, analytical |
| Ingenuity | 50% | lacks new ideas | innovative, novel |
| Reflection | 74% | unreflective, coarse | art and beauty lover |
| Competence | 74% | slow to understand/think | intellectual, brainy |
| Quickness | 66% | intellectually dependent | intellectually independent |
| Introspection | 38% | not self reflective | self searching |
| Creativity | 54% | dull headed | synthesizer, iconoclast |
| Imagination | 70% | practical, realistic | dreamer, unrealistic |
| Depth | 54% | lacks curiosity | mental explorer |
Take Free Advanced Big 45 Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Rest
So on today's Graham Cooke drive to work (and subsequent wait to start work) he discussed rest. REST.
That elusive mysterious subject which has teased me for the last couple years.
Matt recently (by recent I really mean probably 6 weeks ago) asked for people to share how they approach it.
I couldn't tell him.
I still didn't know.
But today I listened to some phenominal teaching on it.
And once again God implored me to listen raptly.
It's quite possibly the single most important piece of Christianity I don't know.
I'm going to try and describe it a little, but not to teach you. I really like teaching. I also like sharing things I'm excited to have learnt. Yet this is something I cannot teach. Not for a long while. I have to learn it first. I have to live it. This is for me.
soul vs spirit
Soul here represents your mind, will, and emotions.
Spirit is deeper than the 3 of those. It's the inner person.
To rest is to quiet the soul and retreat to the spirit.
It's not complicated. It's not impossible. It's just a discipline.
You don't empty yourself of thoughts to get there.
You focus your thoughts on Jesus.
Then when your mind wanders, you follow it and bring it back.
It's a time to adore Jesus. Literally, devotion.
You have to train your feelings too. It's not about whether you feel like it. You do it anyway.
It's a separate time from prayer, or study.
It's going purely after presence.
God's been trying to get me to do this for quite some time now. To some extent I have made attempts but I have met little success. I'm sure that's partly due to little perseverance. Yet I've never understood it either. No one has explained it to me. Today was different. Today I gleaned wisdom. Today questions were answered. Frustrations were relieved.
I will try again, with understanding, and hope anew.
Matt, check out grahamcooke.com
Get yourself something. You'll be glad.
That elusive mysterious subject which has teased me for the last couple years.
Matt recently (by recent I really mean probably 6 weeks ago) asked for people to share how they approach it.
I couldn't tell him.
I still didn't know.
But today I listened to some phenominal teaching on it.
And once again God implored me to listen raptly.
It's quite possibly the single most important piece of Christianity I don't know.
I'm going to try and describe it a little, but not to teach you. I really like teaching. I also like sharing things I'm excited to have learnt. Yet this is something I cannot teach. Not for a long while. I have to learn it first. I have to live it. This is for me.
soul vs spirit
Soul here represents your mind, will, and emotions.
Spirit is deeper than the 3 of those. It's the inner person.
To rest is to quiet the soul and retreat to the spirit.
It's not complicated. It's not impossible. It's just a discipline.
You don't empty yourself of thoughts to get there.
You focus your thoughts on Jesus.
Then when your mind wanders, you follow it and bring it back.
It's a time to adore Jesus. Literally, devotion.
You have to train your feelings too. It's not about whether you feel like it. You do it anyway.
It's a separate time from prayer, or study.
It's going purely after presence.
God's been trying to get me to do this for quite some time now. To some extent I have made attempts but I have met little success. I'm sure that's partly due to little perseverance. Yet I've never understood it either. No one has explained it to me. Today was different. Today I gleaned wisdom. Today questions were answered. Frustrations were relieved.
I will try again, with understanding, and hope anew.
Matt, check out grahamcooke.com
Get yourself something. You'll be glad.
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Delight At The Barley Mill
It's true. I could scarcely believe it. Epic told me I would love Karla Adolphe's music, and they were right (Epic is my 8 Ball of Wisdom by the way - oh nevermind). I ate a lot of chocolate chip cookies before I left. Gooood cookies. Samantha made them. I don't know how, but they are the softest version of these cookies I've had in a looong time. I ate a burnt one and it was still soft! Anyway I was bouncing around and wishing for fun energetic music and anticipated instead soft. I was OK with this since soft music is useful for having conversations with people. Lucky for me my anticipations were quite unfounded.
www.karlaadlophe.com
Or you can listen to their CD I bought Faye.
I shall get their next one too since I really enjoyed the new songs they played.
Music snob rant:
I've met several really talented drummers. They have lots of technical merits and can pull off difficult rhythms and timings. But they didn't understand the delightful joyous fun of groove. MMMMmmmm groove.
Caleb was not one of those drummers. Not only was he ridiculously talented, but he was feeling it, and we were feeling it, and it was good. God saw it, ask him.
Karla was great fun too and together it was such a splendid pleasure to listen and bounce around on my stool.
You can see them at the prayer room tomorrow night (Saturday) or at Converge on Sunday. I can't wait.
I also got to chat with a few people. Kari actually wins for longest chat, how about that?
And I got to eat nachos. Good nachos. Big nachos. Lots of jalepenos and tasty guacamole. No they haven't captured the still vacant greatest [perfect] nachos in the city prestige, but they wouldn't need a lot of help changing to get it. A bit more toppings on the bottom layer. Adding more vegetables. Being the first to give you enough salsa & guacamole to last through all the chips. Then they could nail it.
And the Flames won. Woohoo!
www.karlaadlophe.com
Or you can listen to their CD I bought Faye.
I shall get their next one too since I really enjoyed the new songs they played.
Music snob rant:
I've met several really talented drummers. They have lots of technical merits and can pull off difficult rhythms and timings. But they didn't understand the delightful joyous fun of groove. MMMMmmmm groove.
Caleb was not one of those drummers. Not only was he ridiculously talented, but he was feeling it, and we were feeling it, and it was good. God saw it, ask him.
Karla was great fun too and together it was such a splendid pleasure to listen and bounce around on my stool.
You can see them at the prayer room tomorrow night (Saturday) or at Converge on Sunday. I can't wait.
I also got to chat with a few people. Kari actually wins for longest chat, how about that?
And I got to eat nachos. Good nachos. Big nachos. Lots of jalepenos and tasty guacamole. No they haven't captured the still vacant greatest [perfect] nachos in the city prestige, but they wouldn't need a lot of help changing to get it. A bit more toppings on the bottom layer. Adding more vegetables. Being the first to give you enough salsa & guacamole to last through all the chips. Then they could nail it.
And the Flames won. Woohoo!
Greedy For Treasure
This week my mind has had its sleeve tugged on by a child I keep trying to get rid of to play by himself while I attend to being a busy adult. That's not entirely true since I'm too conscientious to ignore such a child. He distracts my thoughts while I'm busy.
The latest Graham Cooke CD helped sketch him.
Treasure. We are God's special treasure. Where treasure is, there is your heart. God's heart is inside us. Love people. Treasure hunt.
It's normal to look for that in people. I may not be perfect, there's still annoying people that make it hard. Still, when meeting people, I expect and look for that treasure. Usually it's not overly difficult to find.
Consequently, I have a dilemma from loving too many people. I think I'm a pretty good guy. I'm sure I could be a nice friend for you. But I won't be a good friend with you. There's just too many of you.
So instead I think I'll let 3 weeks come around until I see you again after your name comes up on the cycle.
I went to Jerry's to visit Dave's church. I don't really know why. Dave invited me? I thought it was excellent when he told me about it. I was going to be near down town anyway so why not?
It is excellent.
But I had to tell him I probably wouldn't be there. To which I got a loving, "fuck you." And he made me smile.
Why won't I be there?
I'm greedy.
I can't cut people out.
It all seems so backwards.
The people it seems I'm 'committed' to, are the UM. But I have a relationship with them that inspired [frustrated] Dave enough to start what he's doing. You don't share life seeing people once a week. So they meet at Jerry's every night at 9:30.
I suppose that's what UM wants. The whole idea of community houses. People living together, and thus hanging out a lot together. And people living close by, and thus hanging out together easier.
Yet it seems strange that I don't do it now.
And then add in all the friends from Epic not already included in the two groups mentioned.
Don't forget about all the old friends from high school and youth group and beyond.
I occasionally hang out with these people without even having a weekly scheduled meeting.
Family is a constant of course.
Faye prayed for us tonight. She shares similar sentiments. We are not God and can't have deep relationships with everyone. So God show us who to focus on.
The latest Graham Cooke CD helped sketch him.
Treasure. We are God's special treasure. Where treasure is, there is your heart. God's heart is inside us. Love people. Treasure hunt.
It's normal to look for that in people. I may not be perfect, there's still annoying people that make it hard. Still, when meeting people, I expect and look for that treasure. Usually it's not overly difficult to find.
Consequently, I have a dilemma from loving too many people. I think I'm a pretty good guy. I'm sure I could be a nice friend for you. But I won't be a good friend with you. There's just too many of you.
So instead I think I'll let 3 weeks come around until I see you again after your name comes up on the cycle.
I went to Jerry's to visit Dave's church. I don't really know why. Dave invited me? I thought it was excellent when he told me about it. I was going to be near down town anyway so why not?
It is excellent.
But I had to tell him I probably wouldn't be there. To which I got a loving, "fuck you." And he made me smile.
Why won't I be there?
I'm greedy.
I can't cut people out.
It all seems so backwards.
The people it seems I'm 'committed' to, are the UM. But I have a relationship with them that inspired [frustrated] Dave enough to start what he's doing. You don't share life seeing people once a week. So they meet at Jerry's every night at 9:30.
I suppose that's what UM wants. The whole idea of community houses. People living together, and thus hanging out a lot together. And people living close by, and thus hanging out together easier.
Yet it seems strange that I don't do it now.
And then add in all the friends from Epic not already included in the two groups mentioned.
Don't forget about all the old friends from high school and youth group and beyond.
I occasionally hang out with these people without even having a weekly scheduled meeting.
Family is a constant of course.
Faye prayed for us tonight. She shares similar sentiments. We are not God and can't have deep relationships with everyone. So God show us who to focus on.
Oft Discussed, "Dreams"
I know a great many people who are keen to find meaning in dreams. I've been around several discussions and would like to now divulge a little of my own night sight.
Before I begin let me share what Faye was telling me the other day about sleep cycles. Apparently, your body alternates between deep sleep, where your body gains rest and renewal, and REM, where your brain rearranges itself and sorts things out. REM is also when you dream. As the night progresses your deep sleep takes up less and less time, until you have almost all REM.
This all made sense to me. It's why things you are stressed / confused about are less pressing after sleep (your brain has sorted them out more). It's also why I rarely have memorable dreams. I don't normally have enough sleep to get to large doses of REM.
So remember, if you want a season of dreams dreams dreams, sleep sleep sleep. Blah blah blah not all of you can sleep as easy as me, so I have some snobbish all-encompassing advice for that too. Wear yourself out physically and you'll sleep more easily.
Anyways, whenever I have a lengthy sleep, my brain will tend to polish off reorganizing information from recent days, and then it is bored and just starts making stuff up. This is when I have memorable dreams. Conveniently, all the memorable ones are absolutely bizarre.
Take my Ontario holiday for example.
One night I had a vivid dream and woke up and kept rehearsing it over and over in a half-dazed frame of mind because I thought I had to write it down. But I didn't and now I have far less details but here it goes:
I was infiltrating a coven. Or perhaps a school of witchcraft.
They later discovered me as I was to recite some oath which I had cleverly twisted so as not to really ally with evil. My rehearsal was for naught since they already knew. I had been hanging out with some girl for awhile and not had sex with her and that had given me away.
Interpret that!
I'm just kidding. I don't think it meant anything, that's why I didn't write it down. But it was very vivid and long, which is unusual.
And now it's back to normal life where I don't make it that far in sleep cycles so there won't be anymore.
Before I begin let me share what Faye was telling me the other day about sleep cycles. Apparently, your body alternates between deep sleep, where your body gains rest and renewal, and REM, where your brain rearranges itself and sorts things out. REM is also when you dream. As the night progresses your deep sleep takes up less and less time, until you have almost all REM.
This all made sense to me. It's why things you are stressed / confused about are less pressing after sleep (your brain has sorted them out more). It's also why I rarely have memorable dreams. I don't normally have enough sleep to get to large doses of REM.
So remember, if you want a season of dreams dreams dreams, sleep sleep sleep. Blah blah blah not all of you can sleep as easy as me, so I have some snobbish all-encompassing advice for that too. Wear yourself out physically and you'll sleep more easily.
Anyways, whenever I have a lengthy sleep, my brain will tend to polish off reorganizing information from recent days, and then it is bored and just starts making stuff up. This is when I have memorable dreams. Conveniently, all the memorable ones are absolutely bizarre.
Take my Ontario holiday for example.
One night I had a vivid dream and woke up and kept rehearsing it over and over in a half-dazed frame of mind because I thought I had to write it down. But I didn't and now I have far less details but here it goes:
I was infiltrating a coven. Or perhaps a school of witchcraft.
They later discovered me as I was to recite some oath which I had cleverly twisted so as not to really ally with evil. My rehearsal was for naught since they already knew. I had been hanging out with some girl for awhile and not had sex with her and that had given me away.
Interpret that!
I'm just kidding. I don't think it meant anything, that's why I didn't write it down. But it was very vivid and long, which is unusual.
And now it's back to normal life where I don't make it that far in sleep cycles so there won't be anymore.
Car Hygiene
My car is dirty. Literally. There's not a load of junk in it to clutter things up. It's just got mud and lots of saw dust that needs to be vaccumed and wiped. But why bother when it is quite the rarity to have anyone else in my car? Not to mention that rarity is not a girl to impress since right now I'm enjoying the simplicity of singleness. Well have you guessed? It was a question after all.
You should always keep your car clean in case your passenger happens to be folding laundry in your car. That way when they start making piles on your dashboard the clothes won't get dirty. Yes Faye did in fact take pictures of this, but they won't be published here because they're not digital and I don't know how to post pictures anyway.
You should always keep your car clean in case your passenger happens to be folding laundry in your car. That way when they start making piles on your dashboard the clothes won't get dirty. Yes Faye did in fact take pictures of this, but they won't be published here because they're not digital and I don't know how to post pictures anyway.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Failing In Transition
So people, namely Corey and Joe, were using the word, "transition," Monday night.
Then Tuesday I was feeling life sucking out of me. I called Jason and he asked if he could pray for anything. So I told him to pray that life wouldn't become a drudgery because it seemed like a risk right now.
Then Wednesday morning I woke up and I couldn't even feel inspired enough to make myself lunch. I'd been feeling rather sorry for myself Tuesday night as I went to sleep. It felt like all the lights had gone out and the only time a glimmer would come back was while I was talking to someone else.
So in a fit of desperation I had just enough good sense to throw a Graham Cooke CD Pam loaned me into my car stereo for the drive to work.
It was incredible to say the least. I cannot stress enough the importance of what he has to say.
So I think I will spend the next while soaking in truth while driving.
I got home this afternoon early (3:00 finish because we could, and we just didn't like the mud) and as I turned off my car I sat there and cried. And the only thing I could say was I love you.
So I cheated and took the CD inside and finished the last 10 minutes while cooking pancakes for me and Samantha, and cried again.
And then I caught up on my reading, only to discover more friends' blogs so now I'll never be caught up.
Then Tuesday I was feeling life sucking out of me. I called Jason and he asked if he could pray for anything. So I told him to pray that life wouldn't become a drudgery because it seemed like a risk right now.
Then Wednesday morning I woke up and I couldn't even feel inspired enough to make myself lunch. I'd been feeling rather sorry for myself Tuesday night as I went to sleep. It felt like all the lights had gone out and the only time a glimmer would come back was while I was talking to someone else.
So in a fit of desperation I had just enough good sense to throw a Graham Cooke CD Pam loaned me into my car stereo for the drive to work.
It was incredible to say the least. I cannot stress enough the importance of what he has to say.
So I think I will spend the next while soaking in truth while driving.
I got home this afternoon early (3:00 finish because we could, and we just didn't like the mud) and as I turned off my car I sat there and cried. And the only thing I could say was I love you.
So I cheated and took the CD inside and finished the last 10 minutes while cooking pancakes for me and Samantha, and cried again.
And then I caught up on my reading, only to discover more friends' blogs so now I'll never be caught up.
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Putting The Beard On The Shelf
Hello again everyone. I am back in Calgary after a week in Ontario. Like most holidays, the week lasted forever. The battery on my watch is dying and time slowed down all week. I didn't replace it while I was there. It was very relaxing. No alarm clock. No rigid schedule. We went on laid back excursions such as visiting St. Jacobs and Wellsley (Old Order Mennonite Country), and visited with family. I'm all about the visiting with family. My Mom has 6 brothers & sisters who all have families of their own, and many of them now have families too. They're great. My Dad's family is awesome too, some of whom are out in Ontario as well. Yes, I'm very lucky when it comes to family.
I was the designated clean-up crew for meals - I finished off left-overs. So I spent a great deal of extra energy burning it off. 4 mile runs, much longer walks, push-ups and ab stuff, these were for me. I never took it seriously though, because it's my vacation!
I got to read a little bit. I read my Hard Music Magazine, which was delightful - turns out a letter to the publisher of mine was published, how cool is that?
I also started reading a Graham Cooke book, Developing the Prophetic or something like that. I ordered it more than a year ago along with some small interactive journal (devotional) books, but never started this one until now (the interactive journals I've only read half of, and a couple I did read I only read half-way before lending out - I've only got 2/6 right now and don't even know where the other 4 are).
The Developing the Prophetic book is awesome though. It's been encouraging and very smart. I also read 1 Corinthians 14 and cried. I don't know how, but the meaning in that chapter has never hit me until now.
I'm dwelling on Hebrews 5&6 right now too. Spiritual milk vs solids.
So as the title says, my beard is being put on the shelf right now. Shaving has taken years off a face with only a month's worth of hair.
Sometimes pictures get shelved too, and that is alright with me.
I'm feeling under the weather (it started this morning). Most of the rest of my family is sick too. So I'm going to bed in ten minutes and getting a full 8 hours.
I'm back in insanity Calgary. It hasn't dropped on me yet but it will. Starting tomorrow I suppose. I've only got 3 weeks before my next and last week of vacation this year. I'm heading out to BC to visit Sindy Jeske (she used to be the youth pastor at Parkdale EMC and I was a leader then). She's awesome. Our youth group was super tight back then. Many of my vintage friends came out of that. She's also the one who told me about the first 24/7 prayer room and later invited me to Converge. After hanging out with Sindy it's off to a Fresh Wind Fresh Fire Conference - Living the Supernatural or something like that. What in the world is going on when Nolan is off to some charismatic conference? No no no I'm sure it will be good. I'm a big fan of all the vineyard people I've met so far, and now Epic is vineyard and I'm a big fan of a lot of people there too.
A few of us who are going might get to experience some prayer deliverance, which would be awesome I think.
Chad got my old epic journals back so cheers to him! I'll have to transfer them over here at some point.
Life is such a zoo around here but I won't break down.
I was the designated clean-up crew for meals - I finished off left-overs. So I spent a great deal of extra energy burning it off. 4 mile runs, much longer walks, push-ups and ab stuff, these were for me. I never took it seriously though, because it's my vacation!
I got to read a little bit. I read my Hard Music Magazine, which was delightful - turns out a letter to the publisher of mine was published, how cool is that?
I also started reading a Graham Cooke book, Developing the Prophetic or something like that. I ordered it more than a year ago along with some small interactive journal (devotional) books, but never started this one until now (the interactive journals I've only read half of, and a couple I did read I only read half-way before lending out - I've only got 2/6 right now and don't even know where the other 4 are).
The Developing the Prophetic book is awesome though. It's been encouraging and very smart. I also read 1 Corinthians 14 and cried. I don't know how, but the meaning in that chapter has never hit me until now.
I'm dwelling on Hebrews 5&6 right now too. Spiritual milk vs solids.
So as the title says, my beard is being put on the shelf right now. Shaving has taken years off a face with only a month's worth of hair.
Sometimes pictures get shelved too, and that is alright with me.
I'm feeling under the weather (it started this morning). Most of the rest of my family is sick too. So I'm going to bed in ten minutes and getting a full 8 hours.
I'm back in insanity Calgary. It hasn't dropped on me yet but it will. Starting tomorrow I suppose. I've only got 3 weeks before my next and last week of vacation this year. I'm heading out to BC to visit Sindy Jeske (she used to be the youth pastor at Parkdale EMC and I was a leader then). She's awesome. Our youth group was super tight back then. Many of my vintage friends came out of that. She's also the one who told me about the first 24/7 prayer room and later invited me to Converge. After hanging out with Sindy it's off to a Fresh Wind Fresh Fire Conference - Living the Supernatural or something like that. What in the world is going on when Nolan is off to some charismatic conference? No no no I'm sure it will be good. I'm a big fan of all the vineyard people I've met so far, and now Epic is vineyard and I'm a big fan of a lot of people there too.
A few of us who are going might get to experience some prayer deliverance, which would be awesome I think.
Chad got my old epic journals back so cheers to him! I'll have to transfer them over here at some point.
Life is such a zoo around here but I won't break down.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)