Thought I'd throw in a happier post.
I feel more like myself again. Maybe it was the incredible Art Gala on Saturday. Maybe it was hanging out with God's family on Sunday. Maybe it was spitting in RJ's eyes on Monday. Maybe it was napping in the sun on break today. Whatever the case, God is good.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Saturday
So emails, particularily Andy's, bring me back from all the craziness, to think, oh right, I still have no idea what God wants us to do, and I'm not doing anything about it.
So I successfully borrowed and began reading Life Together, or some close variant, by Dietrich Boenhouffer (sp?).
It's already, along with all the Jesus speeches I've been reading, stirred up memories of the beginning of my time with Epic. I remember the fear back then. The wonderful anticipation fears that if Epic had its way, our lives would all be ruined in radical, or conversely real, christianity.
So no new progresss on which community God wants us to live in. No insights into the living arrangements that will entail.
But I don't even know how I can bother caring about those yet. Those seem so secondary. I'm more concerned now with regaining closeness with God. The distance has made itself known this last week.
I keep praying about Going From Victory To Victory In Jesus, while I feel I've been going from a whole lot of failure through the day to calming myself down being thankful for simply being alive even if only because God invented colours and my eyes can still see them.
Where is the rest I long to understand. The rest I long to succeed in. The rest peace is found in.
It's always different looking at truths, exciting life-changing truths, from underneath.
I watched Batman Begins with my family last night.
Why do we fall down?
So I successfully borrowed and began reading Life Together, or some close variant, by Dietrich Boenhouffer (sp?).
It's already, along with all the Jesus speeches I've been reading, stirred up memories of the beginning of my time with Epic. I remember the fear back then. The wonderful anticipation fears that if Epic had its way, our lives would all be ruined in radical, or conversely real, christianity.
So no new progresss on which community God wants us to live in. No insights into the living arrangements that will entail.
But I don't even know how I can bother caring about those yet. Those seem so secondary. I'm more concerned now with regaining closeness with God. The distance has made itself known this last week.
I keep praying about Going From Victory To Victory In Jesus, while I feel I've been going from a whole lot of failure through the day to calming myself down being thankful for simply being alive even if only because God invented colours and my eyes can still see them.
Where is the rest I long to understand. The rest I long to succeed in. The rest peace is found in.
It's always different looking at truths, exciting life-changing truths, from underneath.
I watched Batman Begins with my family last night.
Why do we fall down?
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Tigger Got His Spring Back, And Then Lost It
It's amazing what going to bed at 10:00 will do for you.
I awoke so much happier and went to work quite cheery. The morning passed along pleasantly and I was quite happy with my work. I even decided to bring some CDs along and so I listened to some Sanctus Real, Ace Troubleshooter, Five Iron Frenzy, and Hangnail, to name a few. On break I read more Jesus talking passages and prayed and enjoyed the sunshine.
But the afternoon oh the afternoon.
Complications arose. Frustrations ensued.
And I desperately thrust out my hand trying to grab back the peace I'd had in the morning but it slipped right through my fingers.
So I continued to apologize and ask forgiveness through the afternoon while I resorted back to a scarier version of me.
I remember being shocked and disappointed in myself when I couldn't find my chalk line and freaked out more than when I lost Jono's camera.
How sad is that?
But I got invited out to dinner for Stavin's Father's visit (Stavin is Shay's friend). Shay had invited RJ because he thought it might be nice for them to chat about India. So I got some good food and meet some interesting people and stay low key.
And I stayed up until now to read Faye's latest blog which she has yet to publish (she needs to get a name for one of her quotes).
Tomorrow I get to go to the Pearson Dance Performance and see Samantha.
I'm still praying for someone. No not asking for them...
Bed.
I awoke so much happier and went to work quite cheery. The morning passed along pleasantly and I was quite happy with my work. I even decided to bring some CDs along and so I listened to some Sanctus Real, Ace Troubleshooter, Five Iron Frenzy, and Hangnail, to name a few. On break I read more Jesus talking passages and prayed and enjoyed the sunshine.
But the afternoon oh the afternoon.
Complications arose. Frustrations ensued.
And I desperately thrust out my hand trying to grab back the peace I'd had in the morning but it slipped right through my fingers.
So I continued to apologize and ask forgiveness through the afternoon while I resorted back to a scarier version of me.
I remember being shocked and disappointed in myself when I couldn't find my chalk line and freaked out more than when I lost Jono's camera.
How sad is that?
But I got invited out to dinner for Stavin's Father's visit (Stavin is Shay's friend). Shay had invited RJ because he thought it might be nice for them to chat about India. So I got some good food and meet some interesting people and stay low key.
And I stayed up until now to read Faye's latest blog which she has yet to publish (she needs to get a name for one of her quotes).
Tomorrow I get to go to the Pearson Dance Performance and see Samantha.
I'm still praying for someone. No not asking for them...
Bed.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
A Present For People Who Long For A Different Answer
Today was day two of the work week. I haven't been doing especially well with it.
Monday morning I awoke a zombie and didn't really escape until 11. I still had to work for those 4 hours though.
I had a decent night's sleep beforehand. The sleep just couldn't make up for the busy weekend.
Friday I awoke very early to get my car's oil changed and the tires balanced. I started reading my HM magazine while waiting and it was a pleasant time. My mechanic is honest and fair and my car worked better. Such satisfaction.
Next it was on to Nathan's to begin finishing the slide show. It wasn't long before I decided to go and buy a suit for the afternoon and come back to it at night. So I did, and I bought groceries for the guys' breakfast for the next morning.
My suit was pretty grandish and cheapish, and with my huge hair that day I looked very Napoleonish.
I even got to hang out with Jenn for half an hour.
Then it was back home for supper and ironing and packing. Then it was the slide show. And more of the slide show. And very late at night/morningish it was all over. Or so I thought.
I also got to pray for Nathan before he went to sleep for rest and the day ahead.
In the morning we had fun and delicious food and Moulin Rouge. Then it was cleaning and trying to burn the show to DVD. Except there was lots of complications, which were solved only to be met with further complications. AGH!!!
Too bad. I'll come back and fix anything, if necessary between the ceremony and the reception.
So it was off to the reception, where I was quickly dubbed Cuban B.
RJ and I had the chance to pray for Nathan and it set the tone for the whole wedding. God gave me a picture, and let it be known that he was for the wedding. He had already done the same for a great many people and as such the occasion was ridiculously joyous.
It was also fun, and unique. If you don't know Nathan & Lauren then you wouldn't understand how the groom marching in to "Make way for Prince Ali!" followed by a short dramatic sliver of The Emperor's New Groove can fit very comfortably without any irreverence.
This wedding was beautiful. Honestly I could write a whole post on it. I loved every second of it.
But not now. After the ceremony. RJ and I headed to my house where I whipped up a fine salad and then I dashed off to Nathan's to see about the DVD. It wasn't complete yet. I had to fix all the text that had been ruined, and then burn it twice more before it would be in good order. Except I ran out of time and had to dash back to my house and give Mike a key (lots of people had come over to my house to hang out in between) to go and get it and bring it while I hurried to the church where I was an usher/seater.
The reception was fabulous. It was an extension of the ceremony. But again, I'll save that for an entire wedding day write-up.
The slideshow by the way was hindered by an ancient and problematic player which caused it to skip, and freeze, and miss portions. Ah well, what could I do? At least people got to see some pictures.
I also took some initiative and will now take some time to bring in another installment of Nolan's Type:
So RJ and I got to see everyone who was coming to the wedding because as I said, we showed them where to sit. Nadine, a friend of Lauren's, recognized me, even though I was disguised as Cuban B, and gave me a killer smile and a we have to catch up later look.
I suppose I should give you some background on this catch up thing. I think I've met her once before. Possibly twice, but I'm going to go with once. It was at Lauren's going away to England summer birthday party. We got to chat a little bit. Nadine was moving to Lethbridge to take teaching.
She caught my attention the first time because she looked so very familiar but I could never place why and when talking there seemed no reason we would ever have met before.
But as I write this I realize I was hoping she would be at the wedding...
So as the night continued, we only got brief snippets in passing, but every time there was that killer smile. I was patient though and at last there was some mingling time and space at her table. So I moved in.
I sat down beside her and we started talking.
I was soon to be kicked out by the returning owner of the seat I'd borrowed but Nadine came over to my table to finish, "catching up." Then the program resumed and then after the program people came over and all started talking to me and ruined my chance to swap phone numbers.
But Lauren will return from the Dominican and then...
Then I might ask for a phone number and then I might get together for fun a couple times over the summer before she goes back to school.
Otherwise, this will be an isolated event meant only to let you know that killer smiles are worth a lot of points. Possibly showing interest in me is worth points too, but that's separate. Anyway, this story is nothing serious or likely meaningful, and doesn't remove any other interests. It doesn't change the fact that I don't mind being single either.
So after the wedding I went dancing with Nick & RJ, and the other 4 people who came along left right away. Why? I don't know. I left early because I was exhausted already and had to wake up at 6:30. Which I did, and went off with Jason to Heart Creek. Then we hiked Heart Mountain, and decided to go on to another mountain, and then to a higher peak, and then back to the first peak and then down the side of the mountain, which took forever and was never easy. I do have to say that the crazy free-climbing I did was exhilarating if incredibly stupid. The walk along the creek at the end was very peaceful and the whole trek was good old Jason always encourages me when we get together because he's a good guy and he loves God.
So the 6 plus hours of outdoor action and beauty over, it was time for fun and social mixing at RJ's bbq. And lots of meat. Salmon, Dogs, Burgers, Chicken Kebobs. Slushies. And finally I went home, which brings me back to Monday.
This week while Kyle is gone I get to do Back Framing, and Basements, and Pre-Build, and starting the next house. Well maybe not all of those. Everything's taking so long. Monday I realized that the rest I was hoping for wouldn't be gained by not working on a slide show.
So I haven't been listening to the radio during the day. But I've become very frustrated when things go wrong. So I've read my Bible anyway and each time it's been so good despite not feeling like it. But it doesn't last. The frustration and exhaustion return.
But I'm not doing bad. If you asked me how I was I'd still give you the automatic and honest good. Maybe just not as enthusiastically as when I don't chainsaw through floor joists accidentally.
And yes I'm going to stay hiding. My room still isn't clean.
The list of people to hang out with is too daunting.
I'm so strange.
I look at my blogs and think, there's hardly any comments, and want them. And I turn on my phone, and hope for calls from friends. But I got a txt message from Cyler saying that people were going to see a movie tonight and I didn't go. I didn't want to see the movie. I didn't want to do anything for that matter.
And so I'm a curious mix of being exhausted and empty, and lonely, and dreading people.
Monday morning I awoke a zombie and didn't really escape until 11. I still had to work for those 4 hours though.
I had a decent night's sleep beforehand. The sleep just couldn't make up for the busy weekend.
Friday I awoke very early to get my car's oil changed and the tires balanced. I started reading my HM magazine while waiting and it was a pleasant time. My mechanic is honest and fair and my car worked better. Such satisfaction.
Next it was on to Nathan's to begin finishing the slide show. It wasn't long before I decided to go and buy a suit for the afternoon and come back to it at night. So I did, and I bought groceries for the guys' breakfast for the next morning.
My suit was pretty grandish and cheapish, and with my huge hair that day I looked very Napoleonish.
I even got to hang out with Jenn for half an hour.
Then it was back home for supper and ironing and packing. Then it was the slide show. And more of the slide show. And very late at night/morningish it was all over. Or so I thought.
I also got to pray for Nathan before he went to sleep for rest and the day ahead.
In the morning we had fun and delicious food and Moulin Rouge. Then it was cleaning and trying to burn the show to DVD. Except there was lots of complications, which were solved only to be met with further complications. AGH!!!
Too bad. I'll come back and fix anything, if necessary between the ceremony and the reception.
So it was off to the reception, where I was quickly dubbed Cuban B.
RJ and I had the chance to pray for Nathan and it set the tone for the whole wedding. God gave me a picture, and let it be known that he was for the wedding. He had already done the same for a great many people and as such the occasion was ridiculously joyous.
It was also fun, and unique. If you don't know Nathan & Lauren then you wouldn't understand how the groom marching in to "Make way for Prince Ali!" followed by a short dramatic sliver of The Emperor's New Groove can fit very comfortably without any irreverence.
This wedding was beautiful. Honestly I could write a whole post on it. I loved every second of it.
But not now. After the ceremony. RJ and I headed to my house where I whipped up a fine salad and then I dashed off to Nathan's to see about the DVD. It wasn't complete yet. I had to fix all the text that had been ruined, and then burn it twice more before it would be in good order. Except I ran out of time and had to dash back to my house and give Mike a key (lots of people had come over to my house to hang out in between) to go and get it and bring it while I hurried to the church where I was an usher/seater.
The reception was fabulous. It was an extension of the ceremony. But again, I'll save that for an entire wedding day write-up.
The slideshow by the way was hindered by an ancient and problematic player which caused it to skip, and freeze, and miss portions. Ah well, what could I do? At least people got to see some pictures.
I also took some initiative and will now take some time to bring in another installment of Nolan's Type:
So RJ and I got to see everyone who was coming to the wedding because as I said, we showed them where to sit. Nadine, a friend of Lauren's, recognized me, even though I was disguised as Cuban B, and gave me a killer smile and a we have to catch up later look.
I suppose I should give you some background on this catch up thing. I think I've met her once before. Possibly twice, but I'm going to go with once. It was at Lauren's going away to England summer birthday party. We got to chat a little bit. Nadine was moving to Lethbridge to take teaching.
She caught my attention the first time because she looked so very familiar but I could never place why and when talking there seemed no reason we would ever have met before.
But as I write this I realize I was hoping she would be at the wedding...
So as the night continued, we only got brief snippets in passing, but every time there was that killer smile. I was patient though and at last there was some mingling time and space at her table. So I moved in.
I sat down beside her and we started talking.
I was soon to be kicked out by the returning owner of the seat I'd borrowed but Nadine came over to my table to finish, "catching up." Then the program resumed and then after the program people came over and all started talking to me and ruined my chance to swap phone numbers.
But Lauren will return from the Dominican and then...
Then I might ask for a phone number and then I might get together for fun a couple times over the summer before she goes back to school.
Otherwise, this will be an isolated event meant only to let you know that killer smiles are worth a lot of points. Possibly showing interest in me is worth points too, but that's separate. Anyway, this story is nothing serious or likely meaningful, and doesn't remove any other interests. It doesn't change the fact that I don't mind being single either.
So after the wedding I went dancing with Nick & RJ, and the other 4 people who came along left right away. Why? I don't know. I left early because I was exhausted already and had to wake up at 6:30. Which I did, and went off with Jason to Heart Creek. Then we hiked Heart Mountain, and decided to go on to another mountain, and then to a higher peak, and then back to the first peak and then down the side of the mountain, which took forever and was never easy. I do have to say that the crazy free-climbing I did was exhilarating if incredibly stupid. The walk along the creek at the end was very peaceful and the whole trek was good old Jason always encourages me when we get together because he's a good guy and he loves God.
So the 6 plus hours of outdoor action and beauty over, it was time for fun and social mixing at RJ's bbq. And lots of meat. Salmon, Dogs, Burgers, Chicken Kebobs. Slushies. And finally I went home, which brings me back to Monday.
This week while Kyle is gone I get to do Back Framing, and Basements, and Pre-Build, and starting the next house. Well maybe not all of those. Everything's taking so long. Monday I realized that the rest I was hoping for wouldn't be gained by not working on a slide show.
So I haven't been listening to the radio during the day. But I've become very frustrated when things go wrong. So I've read my Bible anyway and each time it's been so good despite not feeling like it. But it doesn't last. The frustration and exhaustion return.
But I'm not doing bad. If you asked me how I was I'd still give you the automatic and honest good. Maybe just not as enthusiastically as when I don't chainsaw through floor joists accidentally.
And yes I'm going to stay hiding. My room still isn't clean.
The list of people to hang out with is too daunting.
I'm so strange.
I look at my blogs and think, there's hardly any comments, and want them. And I turn on my phone, and hope for calls from friends. But I got a txt message from Cyler saying that people were going to see a movie tonight and I didn't go. I didn't want to see the movie. I didn't want to do anything for that matter.
And so I'm a curious mix of being exhausted and empty, and lonely, and dreading people.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
You Need A Party
It's about time for a party at RJ's house, and it wouldn't be the same without you, no not at all. As I recall, you've got what I need.
Dun dun dun [insert rocking out]
Um, so anyways... There's a BBQ at RJ's on Sunday afternoon starting around 4ish. It's BYO all things B, especially brocolli.
So you should go. Because I will be there, and then I will get to see you. And you should bring other people.
His # is 60-64-7-38 (isn't it cool how the 4, 7, and 3 are all subfont? No? Well no I suppose not, but this way no one will be able to skim and notice a phone number and start stalking him right? No? Well too bad for him I guess).
What about my # you say? Well why don't you have it already? Hmmm? And why haven't you been using it more frequently? Hmmm?
HOORAY - What a great day Sunday will be. I'm hiking the Heart (since I never got to finish it the first time I went last year) with my friend Jason who's been hiking Sunday mornings until his hiking friend moved. But Sunday I will no longer be bondaged Nolan and I can do cool things like go hiking with friends.
Saturday will be a great day too. Wedding extravaganza!
Friday will be a great day too because I'm going to finish the slide show in record time and still have left overs so I can go buy something to wear to the wedding before stores close. Maybe I'll even call Jenn and see if she wants to come since she lives close to a certain outlet mall that has a formal wear store - of course it is a long weekend and she should be out having fun but I have a cell phone so I can at least try right?
Dun dun dun [insert rocking out]
Um, so anyways... There's a BBQ at RJ's on Sunday afternoon starting around 4ish. It's BYO all things B, especially brocolli.
So you should go. Because I will be there, and then I will get to see you. And you should bring other people.
His # is 60-64-7-38 (isn't it cool how the 4, 7, and 3 are all subfont? No? Well no I suppose not, but this way no one will be able to skim and notice a phone number and start stalking him right? No? Well too bad for him I guess).
What about my # you say? Well why don't you have it already? Hmmm? And why haven't you been using it more frequently? Hmmm?
HOORAY - What a great day Sunday will be. I'm hiking the Heart (since I never got to finish it the first time I went last year) with my friend Jason who's been hiking Sunday mornings until his hiking friend moved. But Sunday I will no longer be bondaged Nolan and I can do cool things like go hiking with friends.
Saturday will be a great day too. Wedding extravaganza!
Friday will be a great day too because I'm going to finish the slide show in record time and still have left overs so I can go buy something to wear to the wedding before stores close. Maybe I'll even call Jenn and see if she wants to come since she lives close to a certain outlet mall that has a formal wear store - of course it is a long weekend and she should be out having fun but I have a cell phone so I can at least try right?
First Step To Monastic?
So this is the prayer I was given by Ricardo. It's a written prayer, and I've been praying it mostly daily. Do I detect a hint of discipline? It's always so much more than this when I pray - mostly because I take the liberty of including most everyone I know as my household. Kyle asked for it so I finally typed it out. I should take the advice I gave him and make it my own. Nolanify it.
Daily Warfare Prayer
I cover myself and my entire household in the blood of Jesus, body, soul and spirit. I cover with the blood of Jesus our home, vehicles, pets, possessions, our ministry, employees, every word we speak, hear, write or read and everything that concerns us. And in the name of Jesus I request and dispatch angelic protection for us and our children and everything that God has graciously given us. (Heb. 9:14; Eph. 2:13; Rev. 12:11)
I bind our minds and our children’s minds to the mind of Christ, our will to his will, and our emotions to his emotions, in Jesus’ name. I give all our burdens to the Lord and receive from Him everything pertaining to life and godliness. (1 Peter 5:7; 2 Peter 1:3)
Now in the name of Jesus, I put on the full armor of God…
I put on the helmet of salvation and command every thought of doubt and unbelief to bounce off of it!
I put on the righteousness of Christ as a breastplate and prohibit every unclean thing from entering my heart!
I buckle the belt of truth around me and forbid every lie of the enemy from entering my life!
I take up the shield of faith to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the enemy!
I put on the eagerness to spread the gospel of peace as my shoes!
I cling to the Sword of the Spirit, the Word of God, and use it to inflict God’s vengeance on all His enemies! (Ephesians 6:13-18)
And I wrap the zeal of my God around me like a cloak! (Isaiah 59:17)
I am strong in the Lord and in His mighty power! (Ephesians
I stand firm going from victory to victory in Christ! (1 Corinthians
In the mighty name of Jesus I take authority over every curse, hex, spell, jinx, incantation, judgment, and attack of the enemy issued against us and everything that concerns us. I bind up and destroy the power of them in Jesus’ name and I render them useless, powerless, and completely ineffective. I bind up and destroy the power of everything done with photos, potions, objects, written, spoken, and in every other way. In Jesus’ name bind up everything issued against us by everyone practicing witchcraft, along with the demons that sent them, and command them to go now where the Lord Jesus sends them – out of our lives forever. I put the blood of Jesus between them and us. I send a blessing to everyone who has cursed us. I release all judgments and unforgiveness against everyone and I bless them.
And now in the name of Jesus I loose blessing, peace, prosperity, holiness, health and every good and perfect gift that comes from our Heavenly Father to us and our children forever. In the name of Jesus I now prohibit every counter attack from the enemy and throw into confusion all his plans against us! (Luke 10:19; James 1:17)
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Fixing Big Things You Don't Understand
So Converge on Sunday...
I had a goal beforehand. Back in the day, I used to sit with friends at church. It just makes sense. Worship God together with friends. Learn stuff together with friends. Pray together with friends. Why wouldn't you hang out with friends at church?
But at Epic there's always this ambiguous moment when I arrive about where to go.
So beforehand I decided I would go sit with the UMers. So I walked in, zeroed in on Andrea and sat down.
Adam & Crystal were leading worship. The first song was good, but as I had been backpacking, and I was fairly relaxed, I didn't feel the necessity to stand up. The second song though said Arise! Arise! So it seems rather silly to stay seated to such statements. Up I go. It's going pretty good. I've just come back from a fantastic weekend camping with friends and God. The songs are full of truth.
But then Crystal stops us. She doesn't want to worship alone. She knows a lot of us are feeling kind of blase or distracted but we need to worship God together. So let's just stop and listen to him.
Ah yes, I guess that noisy chatter during the worship, would have implied that other people could have been distracted...
Hooray for listening though.
God's been trying to tell Epic to learn how to listen for years now and we're still not done.
So I start listening.
First thing I get is the impression/desire for everyone to go up to the front. That gets casually dismissed as I move onto other thoughts. After all. I've thought it before. I've tried to instigate it before with failure. So it barely registered, and was quickly forgotten until later on in this story.
The second thing is some of the truths that God spoke so loudly while I was camping are screaming to be prayed over us. Where 2 or 3 are gathered together in my name... We're gathered people. He's here.
There was more, and I had the burning desire to go up to the front and pray them. And I was ready. But hey, we're listening. And as I said, God wants Epic to listen. So praise him for this opportunity. I'm not going to rush it.
Damien(sp?) came up and shared a couple things. Good things. Resting in God. God gave me something for him to be prayed later.
Then Chad came up and shared what he was feeling. It was kind of opposite what I was getting but he's part of leadership and I NEED to respect authority, and besides it wasn't bad, it was still good. I didn't think much of it. It just kind of overruled me praying anything. So we went back to singing and the songs were great. So much truth and it was so good to sing to Jesus.
Jim's Swiss buddy spoke and it was great. Really great.
Then it was over.
I went out with Damien and Cherize(sp?) and Megan afterwards. We ended up at Cajun Charlies, and drumming and dancing in public and getting shut down rather quickly with some noise unappreciation.
So while driving Megan, Converge came up. She was disappointed with Epic tonight.
For a couple reasons, but one thing I'll mention here.
When we listened, she felt like there was a giant rock crushing us. Stopping us. We needed to go up to the front and be together. We were too spread out.
But Chad had basically said the opposite and then it was over. No room for anyone else to share what they had heard, listening.
This struck me obviously, because God had said the same thing, but I hadn't payed close attention.
Her frustration was also hard.
I have so much pity for leadership. There's such huge expectations placed on them and they're not perfect, just normal.
I've read Growing In The Prophetic by Mike Bickle. In it he basically shares his church's long arduous process of learning about how to incorporate the prophetic in the church. That sentence sounds really lame. But it was huge. Huge for me. Very smart. So much wisdom gained from years of experience and mistakes and hurt and victories and God.
But there's no structure in Converge.
And I've seen people hurt because of it. And I wonder.
I wonder.
Should I bring it up?
With who?
How?
I really don't understand it all.
I'm not an expert.
It's just that people are getting hurt.
So couldn't we look at it a little?
And right now I'm busy. Really busy. Too busy to organize anything. Too busy to think of anything.
So couldn't we just bring it up at Converge maybe?
Have a less than annual church meeting?
Anyway, Dave offered some fairly sound advice to the specific thing I mentioned. If you hear something from God opposite of someone else. Say something. Ask the group if anyone else is getting the same thing.
Sorry for the lack of concisity.
I had a goal beforehand. Back in the day, I used to sit with friends at church. It just makes sense. Worship God together with friends. Learn stuff together with friends. Pray together with friends. Why wouldn't you hang out with friends at church?
But at Epic there's always this ambiguous moment when I arrive about where to go.
So beforehand I decided I would go sit with the UMers. So I walked in, zeroed in on Andrea and sat down.
Adam & Crystal were leading worship. The first song was good, but as I had been backpacking, and I was fairly relaxed, I didn't feel the necessity to stand up. The second song though said Arise! Arise! So it seems rather silly to stay seated to such statements. Up I go. It's going pretty good. I've just come back from a fantastic weekend camping with friends and God. The songs are full of truth.
But then Crystal stops us. She doesn't want to worship alone. She knows a lot of us are feeling kind of blase or distracted but we need to worship God together. So let's just stop and listen to him.
Ah yes, I guess that noisy chatter during the worship, would have implied that other people could have been distracted...
Hooray for listening though.
God's been trying to tell Epic to learn how to listen for years now and we're still not done.
So I start listening.
First thing I get is the impression/desire for everyone to go up to the front. That gets casually dismissed as I move onto other thoughts. After all. I've thought it before. I've tried to instigate it before with failure. So it barely registered, and was quickly forgotten until later on in this story.
The second thing is some of the truths that God spoke so loudly while I was camping are screaming to be prayed over us. Where 2 or 3 are gathered together in my name... We're gathered people. He's here.
There was more, and I had the burning desire to go up to the front and pray them. And I was ready. But hey, we're listening. And as I said, God wants Epic to listen. So praise him for this opportunity. I'm not going to rush it.
Damien(sp?) came up and shared a couple things. Good things. Resting in God. God gave me something for him to be prayed later.
Then Chad came up and shared what he was feeling. It was kind of opposite what I was getting but he's part of leadership and I NEED to respect authority, and besides it wasn't bad, it was still good. I didn't think much of it. It just kind of overruled me praying anything. So we went back to singing and the songs were great. So much truth and it was so good to sing to Jesus.
Jim's Swiss buddy spoke and it was great. Really great.
Then it was over.
I went out with Damien and Cherize(sp?) and Megan afterwards. We ended up at Cajun Charlies, and drumming and dancing in public and getting shut down rather quickly with some noise unappreciation.
So while driving Megan, Converge came up. She was disappointed with Epic tonight.
For a couple reasons, but one thing I'll mention here.
When we listened, she felt like there was a giant rock crushing us. Stopping us. We needed to go up to the front and be together. We were too spread out.
But Chad had basically said the opposite and then it was over. No room for anyone else to share what they had heard, listening.
This struck me obviously, because God had said the same thing, but I hadn't payed close attention.
Her frustration was also hard.
I have so much pity for leadership. There's such huge expectations placed on them and they're not perfect, just normal.
I've read Growing In The Prophetic by Mike Bickle. In it he basically shares his church's long arduous process of learning about how to incorporate the prophetic in the church. That sentence sounds really lame. But it was huge. Huge for me. Very smart. So much wisdom gained from years of experience and mistakes and hurt and victories and God.
But there's no structure in Converge.
And I've seen people hurt because of it. And I wonder.
I wonder.
Should I bring it up?
With who?
How?
I really don't understand it all.
I'm not an expert.
It's just that people are getting hurt.
So couldn't we look at it a little?
And right now I'm busy. Really busy. Too busy to organize anything. Too busy to think of anything.
So couldn't we just bring it up at Converge maybe?
Have a less than annual church meeting?
Anyway, Dave offered some fairly sound advice to the specific thing I mentioned. If you hear something from God opposite of someone else. Say something. Ask the group if anyone else is getting the same thing.
Sorry for the lack of concisity.
Catering To My Readership
So some Def Leppard came on the radio again today and every time it does now I have to think of Pam. Especially when, like today, some "Pour Some Sugar On Me" comes along. Now the lyrics to this song are probably not to be adopted into your own life but that's really not the point. It's fun to have associations with people to remind you of them. It's also a good way to remember to pray for them.
It's also fun to go back to the days of high school with all its inside jokes and ridiculous nonsense, more than just when I read Trevor's Cantaloupe zine.
So let me share some pointers with you all. If you are ever in a position where you want to make it clear that you are interested in a girl, and you get the enviable position of going on a roadtrip with them, here's some tips:
When she says, "Christian guys don't want fun girls, they want submissive house wives."
You say, "I don't. I want a wife EXACTLY like you some day."
When you are re-arranging seating, you do not say, "I want the back all to myself."
You say, "I want the back all to myself, and maybe [insert girl of interest's name]..." Give a devious look immediately following.
Now I know what all you shy insecure guys are thinking. HOW could I do that?!?! I need to share my feelings with her in private where I actually have the nerve. Yes yes, that's fine, but that's not the intention with this exercize. You're only hoping to make this girl start thinking about the possibility of a romantic entanglement with you. Hence you start joking around a few days before you ask her to go see a movie with you, alone.
What do you mean, accusing me of using a boring uncreative date as the first date. This isn't for me! I was using you shy insecure guys in the example, remember.
If you want some more smarts, well, I'll keep dispensing it.
If some girl informs you that she can't believe females aren't throwing themselves at you, and that she's telling her friends about you. You need to ask her two questions.
"Hey, wait a minute, you were just taking those cell-phone pictures of me to use on some singles, dating website you've made a profile for me on! Weren't you?"
"Hey, wait a minute, you have friends who've never met me already!? Not very likely... Just who were you trying to convince I was an alluring bachelor?"
It's also fun to go back to the days of high school with all its inside jokes and ridiculous nonsense, more than just when I read Trevor's Cantaloupe zine.
So let me share some pointers with you all. If you are ever in a position where you want to make it clear that you are interested in a girl, and you get the enviable position of going on a roadtrip with them, here's some tips:
When she says, "Christian guys don't want fun girls, they want submissive house wives."
You say, "I don't. I want a wife EXACTLY like you some day."
When you are re-arranging seating, you do not say, "I want the back all to myself."
You say, "I want the back all to myself, and maybe [insert girl of interest's name]..." Give a devious look immediately following.
Now I know what all you shy insecure guys are thinking. HOW could I do that?!?! I need to share my feelings with her in private where I actually have the nerve. Yes yes, that's fine, but that's not the intention with this exercize. You're only hoping to make this girl start thinking about the possibility of a romantic entanglement with you. Hence you start joking around a few days before you ask her to go see a movie with you, alone.
What do you mean, accusing me of using a boring uncreative date as the first date. This isn't for me! I was using you shy insecure guys in the example, remember.
If you want some more smarts, well, I'll keep dispensing it.
If some girl informs you that she can't believe females aren't throwing themselves at you, and that she's telling her friends about you. You need to ask her two questions.
"Hey, wait a minute, you were just taking those cell-phone pictures of me to use on some singles, dating website you've made a profile for me on! Weren't you?"
"Hey, wait a minute, you have friends who've never met me already!? Not very likely... Just who were you trying to convince I was an alluring bachelor?"
The Point
The Point is a lovely backpacking location set in the Kananaskis. I've been there so many times before but I'm not sick of it yet. The pre-May-long-weekend backpacking trip there is especially grandish. Twice now we have had incredible weather while there's still snow. So you can traipse around on the ice in your shorts.
It was just RJ, Connor, Kyle and I. One of these days I will be cool enough to make all of you cancel your prior arrangements and hang out with me...
Until then I will have fun with the people I get.
And God will keep doing good things.
And teach me a thing or two.
For instance: This weekend I learned that my nipples are very symetrical. Kyle told me so.
But other than that, we had some really good food. Steaks, wine, toblerone, wraps with a great deal of vegetables and my self-made salsa, which got Kyle's vote of approval.
Some serious good times. I haven't hung out with Kyle in ages (I used to work with him at Can-Am). We had some really good talks while doing dishes, and getting water, and going on a day hike with Connor, and driving home.
And we got to have some good prayer.
It started out after communion. Kyle instigated some around the circle of picking psalms and reading them. Then we came to the prayer I'd told them we'd have. It came from a couple things. I mean I love prayer. But also from the conversations that had happened already with Kyle. You can't just talk about things and leave them. No. If things come up, you pray about them.
And it got very intense.
So we had some deliverance prayer?
RJ and I both felt the same thing from God about what we needed to do. So we went there. Neither of us were experts, at all. But God is. And it was messy and hard, but it was soooo good. I really love God. Kyle is such a good guy.
God obviously thought so too. RJ got a picture zoomed out of the campsite and a huge ring of angels protecting us. Yes it was a safe place for healing.
So basically, going camping was excellent. Poor RJ got some food poisoning but other than that...
It was just RJ, Connor, Kyle and I. One of these days I will be cool enough to make all of you cancel your prior arrangements and hang out with me...
Until then I will have fun with the people I get.
And God will keep doing good things.
And teach me a thing or two.
For instance: This weekend I learned that my nipples are very symetrical. Kyle told me so.
But other than that, we had some really good food. Steaks, wine, toblerone, wraps with a great deal of vegetables and my self-made salsa, which got Kyle's vote of approval.
Some serious good times. I haven't hung out with Kyle in ages (I used to work with him at Can-Am). We had some really good talks while doing dishes, and getting water, and going on a day hike with Connor, and driving home.
And we got to have some good prayer.
It started out after communion. Kyle instigated some around the circle of picking psalms and reading them. Then we came to the prayer I'd told them we'd have. It came from a couple things. I mean I love prayer. But also from the conversations that had happened already with Kyle. You can't just talk about things and leave them. No. If things come up, you pray about them.
And it got very intense.
So we had some deliverance prayer?
RJ and I both felt the same thing from God about what we needed to do. So we went there. Neither of us were experts, at all. But God is. And it was messy and hard, but it was soooo good. I really love God. Kyle is such a good guy.
God obviously thought so too. RJ got a picture zoomed out of the campsite and a huge ring of angels protecting us. Yes it was a safe place for healing.
So basically, going camping was excellent. Poor RJ got some food poisoning but other than that...
The End Is At Hand
So the craziness will all soon end. Saturday will be Nathan & Lauren's wedding, and then I'll be free. No more working late, and working on slide shows. Then it will be pure availability.
Or rather, maybe then I'll continue procrastinating unfinished projects, and avoiding responsibilities, and addictedly spend free time informing you all about it.
The problem with that is that all my best ideas come when I'm not sitting in front of a computer. I have a strange mind. I can think poetically during events, or even while pondering past ones. I can arrange things and analyze them with a story-telling filter and they sound quite eloquent and witty in my head. But then days later if I finally get a chance to write them down, it's gone. They're not vivid. They're not important.
And it's hard to focus when you're this busy too.
Or rather, maybe then I'll continue procrastinating unfinished projects, and avoiding responsibilities, and addictedly spend free time informing you all about it.
The problem with that is that all my best ideas come when I'm not sitting in front of a computer. I have a strange mind. I can think poetically during events, or even while pondering past ones. I can arrange things and analyze them with a story-telling filter and they sound quite eloquent and witty in my head. But then days later if I finally get a chance to write them down, it's gone. They're not vivid. They're not important.
And it's hard to focus when you're this busy too.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Speck In My Eye
So it's official. I have a cell phone now. If you didn't get emailed with the number, I want to know, why don't I have your email?
Today at work was not a great day. Early on in the morning while trimming the second floor we'd just sheeted, the wind was gusting. So I got some serious saw dust in the eyes. And it wasn't cool. I get sprayed saw dust in the face a lot but your eyes adjust and it's normally OK but every few months it sucks. Today was the worst it's been yet.
First break I rested my eyes but they were so sore.
After first break I went to the show home and flushed my eye out with running water for awhile. Then I used eye drops. Then I used an eye rinse station. Then second break I kept my eyes closed the whole time and afterwards they were still really happy so I used eye drops again. Then I used the eye rinse station again. Still no good. Worse actually. It's very hard to work when your right eye is screaming and shut and you have half your vision and no depth perception.
So I prayed a lot during the day. But it wasn't very fun. There was some God heal my eye prayers. There was some OK fine, go heal other people who actually have real problems. There was some ah-ha I knew something bad had to happen soon. There was some so God I'm going to screw off the floor now, what's up? There was some prayer for people with permanent health issues. There was thanks for this weird sense of peace thing because I'm not really agitated about this at all in my soul - just my eye.
So hopefully it will be better tomorrow.
I listened to Violet Burning's Drop-Dead album again last night/this morning and it is still fabulous. I still want to have people over to watch the DVD but I don't know when that will happen since I need to finish Nathan & Lauren's wedding slideshow.
I'm going backpacking this weekend. Backpacking is great. It's the best way to camp I've discovered. Wow that was 4 years ago. I was dating back then!
You should come backpacking too! We're going to The Point (Kananaskis). If you're interested give me or RJ a call.
Maybe RJ will lend me his camping stuff and I'll go backpacking without him all summer. Or maybe I'll go buy myself rock-climbing stuff. Or maybe I'll scramble every mountain within 1 1/2 hours from here. You know, my usual over-ambitious aspirations. Actually the scramble thing is probably most likely since it's cheapest and you can get more people to do that - which is what I am all about - more people!
I've determined to have crushes more often. It's really only for RJ's amusement but is there any reason not to give RJ more amusement? OK so there was no real determination, much like there will be no action resulting from crushes without some divine motivation.
Long enough for ya?
Today at work was not a great day. Early on in the morning while trimming the second floor we'd just sheeted, the wind was gusting. So I got some serious saw dust in the eyes. And it wasn't cool. I get sprayed saw dust in the face a lot but your eyes adjust and it's normally OK but every few months it sucks. Today was the worst it's been yet.
First break I rested my eyes but they were so sore.
After first break I went to the show home and flushed my eye out with running water for awhile. Then I used eye drops. Then I used an eye rinse station. Then second break I kept my eyes closed the whole time and afterwards they were still really happy so I used eye drops again. Then I used the eye rinse station again. Still no good. Worse actually. It's very hard to work when your right eye is screaming and shut and you have half your vision and no depth perception.
So I prayed a lot during the day. But it wasn't very fun. There was some God heal my eye prayers. There was some OK fine, go heal other people who actually have real problems. There was some ah-ha I knew something bad had to happen soon. There was some so God I'm going to screw off the floor now, what's up? There was some prayer for people with permanent health issues. There was thanks for this weird sense of peace thing because I'm not really agitated about this at all in my soul - just my eye.
So hopefully it will be better tomorrow.
I listened to Violet Burning's Drop-Dead album again last night/this morning and it is still fabulous. I still want to have people over to watch the DVD but I don't know when that will happen since I need to finish Nathan & Lauren's wedding slideshow.
I'm going backpacking this weekend. Backpacking is great. It's the best way to camp I've discovered. Wow that was 4 years ago. I was dating back then!
You should come backpacking too! We're going to The Point (Kananaskis). If you're interested give me or RJ a call.
Maybe RJ will lend me his camping stuff and I'll go backpacking without him all summer. Or maybe I'll go buy myself rock-climbing stuff. Or maybe I'll scramble every mountain within 1 1/2 hours from here. You know, my usual over-ambitious aspirations. Actually the scramble thing is probably most likely since it's cheapest and you can get more people to do that - which is what I am all about - more people!
I've determined to have crushes more often. It's really only for RJ's amusement but is there any reason not to give RJ more amusement? OK so there was no real determination, much like there will be no action resulting from crushes without some divine motivation.
Long enough for ya?
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Happy Birthday RJ
Hey, I wish I was going to church but part of my perm was defective and had to be redone. It looks fabulous though. Kind of an Aaron Spelling from
Lucky you, while I wait for my hair you get to hear about last night / this morning.
Last night we went to the Thai Boat for dinner, Cheesecake Cafe for desert, and Bamboo Tiki Lounge for fun all to celebrate RJ's 28th Birthday. It was a grandish time.
Tasty food. Good music. RJ got to show off his new tatoo.
It seemed strange for me to hear RJ tell Andy about me clubbing a couple of weeks ago - that God always gave me things to pray for. It sounded very inaccurate. It's not like I walk into clubs and the natural thing to do is hear God tell me to pray for things and then do it. This time was similar to all the rest. I prayed about it beforehand and later you just start doing it. I prayed brief prayers for the first few hours, but really they're just OK God, dancing is a good thing, and it's a fun way to do something for you. An active way of praying even if not thinking too much. A couple songs here and there warranted prayer into lyrics. Pretty casual.
At about
And about this same time a girl nearby started getting interested in me. Now for RJ’s sake I will inform you that appearance wise, she was definitely great looking but not, ‘my type’. But I just kept turning her down. The first couple times were easy because I could feign ignorance. But she actually put her hand out and that was harder because it was right there. Do you want to dance? Now I’m not saying dancing with her would have been a bad thing. At that moment though I was praying and it was good, and it would have been distracting to say the least to continue while dancing with some hot girl, especially since I am pretty much pro-star dancing boy and it’s all very effortless (that was eye rolling right there in case you weren’t sure). But it wasn’t a big deal not to dance with her. So I didn’t and continued having fun, and if my attention wandered off, I wandered after it and brought it back (Graham Cooke).
The next morning it was off to GIC to play guitar. It went fantastic. I kept a good head and heart during the practice and then I went down for pre-service prayer and things got exciting. John, the Bass – turned Drummer because of need, had randomly flipped to Psalm 41 which is a call to enthusiastic worship basically. And the church is going on a new series about prayer. And while we were praying God gave me such strong heart prayers for them, and pieces gradually came together and so I asked my Mom if I could pray for the congregation and I asked John if he would read the portion out of the Psalm aloud in the service. So off we went and I asked the congregation if I could pray over them and of course they said yes. So I read out of John 14, ask anything in my name and I will do it. And I thanked the Holy Spirit for being present inside each of us, we loved him. Then I spoke out a piece from Colossians 3. Let the words of Christ live in your hearts and make you wise. Then I asked God to take the Psalm John was about to read and make it alive in our hearts as we were about to sing prayers to him.
I can’t speak for the whole congregation but I definitely got a giant YES for me. Those songs pierced my heart and I could barely keep from crying while playing guitar. And we got to have communion. How great is that?
God is great.
Friday, May 05, 2006
Oh my gosh! Entertaining!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u0t1QwnpTj0
So some Sanctus Real fans made a music video for a Sanctus Real song. It has got to be one of the best music videos I've ever seen. It was done for fun. No budget. No contest. So much fun.
So some Sanctus Real fans made a music video for a Sanctus Real song. It has got to be one of the best music videos I've ever seen. It was done for fun. No budget. No contest. So much fun.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Shush
So I'm still not going to finish my BC tales. I can't fully explain why it was so wonderful, but it was, and it deserves writing out. Not today though. It won't happen in all liklihood. It's already fading and I'm painfully busy. I'm not sure why I love writing, but I know I'd story-tell my whole life if I had the extra time.
Here's a piece. I gave Sherry her socks last night. I found them on the weekend when I was cleaning my car before going up to Edmonton for Nathan's bach. There is something peculiarly fantastic about finding girls socks in your car because a girl left them there.
I just finished catching up on Kirk's blog so I have the strong urge to be sappy and wistful. Not that I need his writings for that, but now I'm locked there.
Back to the game show What's My Type?
I've had a picture in my head for a long time now that I'll wind up with a feisty girl. She'll argue with me and I won't argue back even though that's what I do. Instead I'll shush her with a kiss. I'll also do this when she's had a rotten day and she's telling me how horrible the world is.
And she'll let me. Because she loves me. As much as she wants to still be feisty and insist on me fighting back, on remaining foul, she'll smile because kisses are wonderful things.
And it's funny because somewhere along the line I decided that's the kind of guy Melanie needs eventually. But Faye thinks it would be disasterous if I dated anyone as moody or extreme as Melanie. Melanie doesn't understand me and it vexes her (so Faye tells me - Faye used the word vex too). And I don't know if I could handle it for that matter. I'd always want to cure her of her grumpiness. Maybe that's where the magical shushing kiss came from.
So basically, I don't know if this mythical fairy tale can ever be real but if it could, oh how it would draw me. Or already does.
Because girls like that aren't grumpy all the time. Sure they're prone to be vengeful and take things personally and definitely need food and sleep on time. But they're so much fun too.
Hmm, so what else will lure me into attraction?
If they like activity. Particularly physical activity.
Any girl who likes biking, snowboarding, rock climbing, hiking, sports, dancing, skiing, trampolines. This is a girl for me.
That's all for now. Tune in next week for more on the vague notion of what I look for in girls.
Staying on the relationships topic I have another thought. The scariest part about dating is combining destinies. It's complicated enough figuring out what God wants you to do and where to go. If you're dating, all of a sudden you have to consider their future too. And it limits yours. And you will limit them. And I do not want them to be filled with remorse and what ifs two years later when life veers again.
I broke up with Natalie back in grade 12 for that reason. Why were we dating so young when we didn't have a clue where we were going in life?
Life is full of details and those details can be ignored or adjusted if it's just me.
But if you're married, the leash, the responsibility, the boring, normal slowing down comes running to greet you.
I still remember Pam saying that the Christian guys she knew didn't want adventurous girls. They wanted submissive trophy wives. I don't know where she dug up these fools but even the thought of such things frightens me.
Sorry, it's back to my type again. I want an adventurous girl. And I know that buying a house doesn't mean you can't have adventures. But I remember when I was dating Jasmine. And she wanted to get married young so bad. And all of a sudden I needed a real job.
I'll tell you what I really needed. I needed to grow up.
And I'm still not there. But I'm beginning to see it will be that way forever.
I'll never be old boring Nolan.
And that's because I keep changing.
Here's a piece. I gave Sherry her socks last night. I found them on the weekend when I was cleaning my car before going up to Edmonton for Nathan's bach. There is something peculiarly fantastic about finding girls socks in your car because a girl left them there.
I just finished catching up on Kirk's blog so I have the strong urge to be sappy and wistful. Not that I need his writings for that, but now I'm locked there.
Back to the game show What's My Type?
I've had a picture in my head for a long time now that I'll wind up with a feisty girl. She'll argue with me and I won't argue back even though that's what I do. Instead I'll shush her with a kiss. I'll also do this when she's had a rotten day and she's telling me how horrible the world is.
And she'll let me. Because she loves me. As much as she wants to still be feisty and insist on me fighting back, on remaining foul, she'll smile because kisses are wonderful things.
And it's funny because somewhere along the line I decided that's the kind of guy Melanie needs eventually. But Faye thinks it would be disasterous if I dated anyone as moody or extreme as Melanie. Melanie doesn't understand me and it vexes her (so Faye tells me - Faye used the word vex too). And I don't know if I could handle it for that matter. I'd always want to cure her of her grumpiness. Maybe that's where the magical shushing kiss came from.
So basically, I don't know if this mythical fairy tale can ever be real but if it could, oh how it would draw me. Or already does.
Because girls like that aren't grumpy all the time. Sure they're prone to be vengeful and take things personally and definitely need food and sleep on time. But they're so much fun too.
Hmm, so what else will lure me into attraction?
If they like activity. Particularly physical activity.
Any girl who likes biking, snowboarding, rock climbing, hiking, sports, dancing, skiing, trampolines. This is a girl for me.
That's all for now. Tune in next week for more on the vague notion of what I look for in girls.
Staying on the relationships topic I have another thought. The scariest part about dating is combining destinies. It's complicated enough figuring out what God wants you to do and where to go. If you're dating, all of a sudden you have to consider their future too. And it limits yours. And you will limit them. And I do not want them to be filled with remorse and what ifs two years later when life veers again.
I broke up with Natalie back in grade 12 for that reason. Why were we dating so young when we didn't have a clue where we were going in life?
Life is full of details and those details can be ignored or adjusted if it's just me.
But if you're married, the leash, the responsibility, the boring, normal slowing down comes running to greet you.
I still remember Pam saying that the Christian guys she knew didn't want adventurous girls. They wanted submissive trophy wives. I don't know where she dug up these fools but even the thought of such things frightens me.
Sorry, it's back to my type again. I want an adventurous girl. And I know that buying a house doesn't mean you can't have adventures. But I remember when I was dating Jasmine. And she wanted to get married young so bad. And all of a sudden I needed a real job.
I'll tell you what I really needed. I needed to grow up.
And I'm still not there. But I'm beginning to see it will be that way forever.
I'll never be old boring Nolan.
And that's because I keep changing.
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